Crap Calvsie Says

[12:35] Calvsie: also for the duration of this run you must refer to me as captain, as I ride my mystery Ship.
[12:47] Calvsie: I'm dressed like something out of plants vs zombies... 

Panther Kittens in a Baby Carriage

[10:20] Rckeller093 walks back into /clan and sees Albino and Ashrei together.
[10:20] Ashrei: o.0
[10:20] Gregonzola: Oh, they're together?
[10:20] Gregonzola: Hawt.
[10:21] Ashrei: A girl can enjoy a good head scritching and still be solo! xD
[10:21] Gregonzola: hEarty and AP, sittin in a tree.
[10:21] Gregonzola: Oh, now you're spoiling my fun.
[10:21] Ashrei: xD
[10:22] Gregonzola: I didn't even get to the baby carriage line, which was going to involve panther kittens.
[10:22] Ashrei is the spoiler of all funs until she gets her clown shoes.
[10:22] AlbinoPanther: d'awww
[10:22] Ashrei: oh my
[10:23] Lia_Sang logged on.
[10:23] Gregonzola: Panthers have childbirth right. Sure, you may have to deliver multiple kittens, but they're not giant-headed monsters that will rip your coochie.
[10:24] Gregonzola: And that, my friends, is how you welcome Lia to chat when she logs in.
[10:24] AlbinoPanther cringes
[10:24] Lia_Sang: hiya
[10:24] AlbinoPanther: rofl greg    

Welcome to the Club

[09:35] Hexatomb: Tyr, join our "Supposedly smart, but complete dumbasses" club!
[09:36] xTyrx: Souds like fun !
[09:36] AlbinoPanther: :D
[09:36] xTyrx: er Sounds like Fun :P
[09:36] Gregonzola: It's like Mensa, but we call it "Mehsa."
[09:36] Gregonzola: Because meh.
[09:36] Hexatomb: Meh.sa
[09:37] Gregonzola: Grimmy, join Mehsa!
[09:37] Gregonzola: You're clearly a genius.
[09:37] Big Daddy Grimm: Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative. I am a creative genius!
[09:38] Big Daddy Grimm: mehsa- the slacker version of mensa
[09:38] Gregonzola: Yep.
[09:38] Big Daddy Grimm: apply now...or later...whatever...  
[09:39] Calvsie: its like being married to mongolian beef    

Student Loans are Like That

[09:28] Hexatomb: My student loan experience can be compared to this story:  "I got railed in a truck stop bathroom by wild grizzly bears wielding 12 foot dildos."

We all have our kinks

[09:08] Gun_Mage: Im going brood with loud muffler this run
[09:10] xTyrx: is that code for banging a motorcycle GM?    

Don't Carmelize me Bro, and a special cuddle for AP

[07:36] professorjellybean logged on.
[07:38] LindsayLynne: we missed you
[07:39] Gun_Mage: welcome back!!!!!
[07:39] professorjellybean: yay :) I missed you all so much!!
[07:39] professorjellybean floods the fountain with jellybeans
[07:40] Gregonzola: I suspect Professor Jellybean was studying wild jellybeans in the jungles of Bolivia. There was no internet there.
[07:40] professorjellybean: hahaha ^.^
[07:40] professorjellybean: If I told you, I'd have to caramelize you :|
[07:43] Gregonzola: Wait, hold on. JB, will you huggle snuggle AP? I'll record it on the blog and then he'll get to see it. -hic-    
[07:44] professorjellybean CUDDLESNUGGLEHUGGLEG LOMPSMOOCHNUZZLES TEH FUZZYKITTY

Frank Sex Talk in Clan

[11:18] Reneizabeth44 doesn't like being gone down on
[11:18] Gregonzola: Rene, then it's being done wrong. -hic-
[11:18] Hexatomb: then someone isnt doing it right, rene
[11:18] Reneizabeth44 is also a super neat freak about her body
[11:19] Lia_Sang: Greg, some girls don't like that, its fine
[11:19] Big Daddy Grimm: dont like what?
[11:19] Gregonzola: Aw, Lia. You ruined the joke. But yes, you're right. -hic-
[11:19] Hexatomb: oral, grimm
[11:19] Gregonzola: Grimmy, we're having frank sex talk today.
[11:19] Gun_Mage: whos frank?
[11:19] Big Daddy Grimm: frank is GREAT in bed
[11:20] Reneizabeth44 does like to give though
[11:20] Big Daddy Grimm: and lemme guess...hexa doesnt like THAT either...
[11:20] Hexatomb: what?
[11:20] Hexatomb: why wouldn't I like oral?
[11:20] Reneizabeth44: me actually
[11:20] Hexatomb: i'll give and take, grimm
[11:20] Gun_Mage: oh god... I once asked my wife for oral, she yelled and threw things at me
[11:20] Big Daddy Grimm: Hex is my own personal grouchy smurf
[11:20] Hexatomb: haha
[11:20] Hexatomb: just stick it in, GM
[11:20] Big Daddy Grimm: you shouldn't ask for that at church gunmage
[11:20] Hexatomb: that'll shut her up
[11:21] Gun_Mage: oh gawd.... SHED BITE IT OFF -hic-
[11:21] Gun_Mage: no way
[11:21] Gregonzola: Hm. Catching up. Rene, do you date shorter men? =)
[11:21] Reneizabeth44: if you are fully aroused the human jaw doesn't have enough strength in it to bite it off GM
[11:22] Gregonzola: Wait, scratch that question in light of the latest comment.
[11:22] Hexatomb: lol greg    

You'll never look at Taffy the Same Way

[10:49] Gun_Mage pulls up a chair
[10:50] Reneizabeth44 sits on GM considering he masturbates 5 times a day I shouldn't be poked
[10:50] Gun_Mage: nope, its like taffy
[10:50] Calvsie: it comes in salt water variety?
[10:50] Hexatomb: GM has rain-doh in his pants
[10:50] Abyssal Bandit momentarily contemplates chewing on it...
[10:51] Zeklan: do you need a mold to shape it?    

You know those are permanent, right?

[10:19] Reneizabeth44 reaaallly likes tattoos
[10:19] Jesskahh wants a new tattoo...
[10:19] Gun_Mage loves his tatoo
[10:20] LucyLynne: I have a scorpion tattoo on my upper back
[10:20] Jesskahh: I have 7 tattoos.
[10:20] Hexatomb: I have elephant ears on my inner thighs  
[10:22] LucyLynne: GM needs a tattoo on his lower back that says: Back door guests are the best
[10:22] Hexatomb: Mandy, that might clash with the stomach tattoo that says "Entry in the Rear only"
[10:23] Gregonzola: Oh, that's the kind of delivery he was getting.
[10:23] Gregonzola: [10:19] Gun_Mage: brb shipment
[10:23] Jesskahh: ^
[10:24] LucyLynne: shipment indeed
[10:24] Hexatomb: xD
[10:24] Hexatomb: Someone's package... arrived    
[10:24] LucyLynne: is GM accepting somebodys package?
[10:25] Hexatomb: he's probably helping to unload someone's package, Mandy    

Gotta Have It

[09:56] Gun_Mage: hexa, I decided on my next "OMFG GOTTA HAVE IT" item
[09:57] Gregonzola: A fleshlight.
[09:57] Gun_Mage: -_-
[09:57] Hexatomb: A blow up doll
[09:57] xTyrx: I was gonna say a strap on but that makes more sense
[09:57] Hexatomb: inflatable sheep?
[09:57] Gun_Mage feels the love

Yeeehaaaw!

[21:43] jon diaz: "make love, not war, man"
[21:43] jon diaz: I PREFER TO DO BOTH
[21:43] jon diaz: AHAHAHAHAHA
[21:43] Gregonzola: Just not at the same time.
[21:43] Gregonzola: Most people react poorly to gunplay in the middle of love-making.
[21:44] JessKahh: o.0 I log in and see 'you have a pussy, Perilous?"
[21:44] everyman4: Those people are sissies.
[21:44] everyman4: Night, PA
[21:44] JessKahh: I'm still lost.
[21:44] everyman4: Perilous has a cat.
[21:44] jon diaz: "shooting a rifle while balls-deep in a squealing hog"

Robot and Mom Love

[14:42] Viral_Effigy does the robot
[14:45] Zeklan: from behind?
[14:46] Gregonzola: Robots may have eyes in the backs of their heads. I'm not sure you can sneak up on them that way.
[14:46] AlbinoPanther: beep boop motherfuckers
[14:46] Gregonzola: Moms need love, too. Don't judge.
[14:46] Viral_Effigy: no, head on. i want to look it in the optical receptors
[14:47] Zeklan: thats respectable    

Mandy is a harsh Mistress

[10:25] xTyrx: I got a meat maid !?!?
[10:25] MistyMay: I pimp my meat maid out
[10:25] Gregonzola: I like clockwork meat maids.
[10:25] Gregonzola: They're great.
[10:26] MistyMay: i forced mine into prostitution
[10:26] Gregonzola: Coercion isn't nice, Mandy.
[10:26] Gregonzola: If she wants to do it, that's her prerogative as a woman.
[10:27] MistyMay: she's in the sleazy alley, on her knees
[10:27] Gregonzola feels bad for Mandy's meat maid
[10:28] MistyMay: she'll feel bad if she doesnt make me some meat
[10:28] MistyMay: I'll beat her ass    

Clan Story Time Sucks

[07:58] LucyLynne: WeedLand was made for a friend of mine, that I'm no longer friends with
[07:58] Gregonzola: Oh, no.
[07:58] Gregonzola: Drama?    
[07:59] Gregonzola listens attentively
[07:59] LucyLynne: never drama with me
[07:59] Gregonzola: Aw, I wanted a dramatic story to begin my day.
[08:00] Gregonzola: Calvsie, please make up the dramatic retelling of why Mandy is no longer friends with the person for whom she made the alt Weed_Land.    
[08:00] Calvsie: once upon a time a man woke up to find he was the family's roomba
[08:00] Gregonzola: Saweet.    
[08:00] Gregonzola: This is getting good already.
[08:00] Calvsie: and now I must begin work see ya later
[08:01] Gregonzola feels great disappointment

Rules were made to be broken

[15:15] Stocks mall multi: Hello mates
[15:16] Gregonzola: No mating in open chat.
[15:16] everyman4: Aww
[15:17] everyman4: Way to stifle me, Gregonzola
[15:19] Lia_Sang mates with BareAssi
[15:19] everyman4 watches awkardly
[15:19] Gregonzola: Reverse psychology. Worked like a charm.    
[15:22] Berrasi mates with Lia_Sang and then some.
[15:22] Lia_Sang: giggity    

The Price has Gone Up

[14:48] Gregonzola: I'd show you a picture, but let's be frank. Dong pics are a dime a dozen on the internet.
[14:48] Calvsie: only on chat roulett
[14:49] Calvsie: otherwise they cost a quarter a dozen    

Frozen

[13:56] Gun_Mage: ANYONE SEE FROZEN?
[13:56] Hexatomb: Yes, and you know what I liked about that movie?
[13:56] everyman4: the ending?
[13:56] Gregonzola: The freedom Elsa found when she cast off her inhibitions and made an ice dress, Hexa?
[13:57] Gregonzola is pretty sure Hexa wants an ice dress
[13:57] Hexatomb: Who DOESN'T want an ice dress    

Real Men

[13:43] Gun_Mage: real men never discuss penis size
[13:43] Hexatomb: we just sword fight with them in the locker room    

It started with a discussion of a Keurig

[13:11] AlbinoPanther: it's a fucking insult
[13:11] Gregonzola: And as we all know, you should never fuck and insult at the same time.
[13:11] Gregonzola: It's just bad form.
[13:11] AlbinoPanther: unless they like it, Greg.
[13:12] AlbinoPanther: diffrent strokes, and all that
[13:12] hEarty: Not me. I had a guy call me a whore once and I headbutted him and broke his nose. xD
[13:13] Hexatomb: I'm a whore
[13:13] Hexatomb: wait..
[13:13] Hexatomb: no that's kind of right
[13:13] AlbinoPanther checks his wallet
[13:13] AlbinoPanther slips hexa some meat :|
[13:13] Hexatomb slips AP a little somethin' somethin'
[13:14] hEarty watches.
[13:14] AlbinoPanther: xD
[13:14] Hexatomb: aww yeah
[13:14] Gregonzola plays bad 70's music

That look is sure to catch on

[11:21] Calvsie: I like my beer the way I like my women
[11:21] Calvsie: COVERED IN BEES!  
[11:22] hEarty is no longer surprised by anything Calvsie says.
[11:23] Calvsie: Hearty lets run away together and be lesbians like utena!  

It really is all-purpose

[11:34] everyman4: calvsie, are you perchance the ghost of billy mays?
[11:35] Calvsie: Yes through the power of oxyclean I have come back from the dead    

Say there, goatherd

[10:25] SwankyFlea: Why do I have 4 goats?
[10:25] Ashrei: Do you really want an answer to that question Swanky?    

My Lucky Charms to Share

Sometimes you just need...

[09:36] Calvsie: quick were are the pictures of a platypus getting a belly rub?
[09:36] Calvsie: everyman needs them  

A theme is developing here

[13:24] ShinyPlatypus is a 21 and up carnival. admission is free, permission is required. you must be at least this awesome to ride
[13:24] AliceArmy: we can ride you shiny?  
[13:25] Hexatomb: I'm awesome! time to buy tickets to ride shiny  
[13:25] LucyLynne: can I ride you too??    
[13:25] ShinyPlatypus: one at a time please...
[13:25] ShinyPlatypus: also, i don't give guys "rides"    
[13:25] ShinyPlatypus: sorry boys
[13:25] ShinyPlatypus winks

We're pretty sure he has something in mind

[13:19] ShinyPlatypus: GM, don't put words in my mouth    
[13:19] ShinyPlatypus: or anything else in my mouth for that matter.... NOT CONSENSUAL!
[13:19] AliceArmy: shiny, what can i put in your mouth    

I wouldn't touch that with...

[13:08] Calvsie: I love my 11ft pole
[13:09] Calvsie: I like to show it to all the ladies -hic-
[13:09] LucyLynne: I'm sure you do
[13:09] Calvsie: Also I can use it to reach things without leaving the closet    

Lia has Talent

[09:34] Lia_Sang: (never share your account info, not even with me(
[09:35] Gregonzola: I actually got my space trip headphones by sharing.
[09:36] Gregonzola: Just change your password to a temporary password.
[09:36] Gregonzola: You can always reclaim the account with the e-mail account if someone goes wild.
[09:36] Gregonzola: Have a mall multi and transfer your most valuable stuff over there for the duration.
[09:36] Hexatomb: lia, my user name and password are "hexatomb/ Isecretlystalklia"
[09:36] Gregonzola: Although, if it's someone you trust, that's not so big a deal.
[09:36] Gregonzola: I don't see Lia stealing stuff.
[09:37] Lia_Sang: Greg, if course you dont
[09:38] Lia_Sang: I'm careful

The Quickest Way to End Your Run

[09:26] Calvsie: UGN I WANT THIS RUN OVER!
[09:26] Gregonzola: I'll run it over for you.
[09:26] Gregonzola: What is it?
[09:27] Calvsie: ME!

Gun Mage's Quotation of the Day

[09:10] Gun_Mage: bah, I masturbate like 5 times every day, so Im ok =P

You go, GM.  Wax that dolphin like a pro!