The Strange Leaflet Quest

There are scripts and spoilers out there a plenty for this quest, but if you prefer to do your own typing, or don't trust scripts, here's mine.

open mailbox
take leaflet
open door
east
take sword
examine fireplace

When you examine the fireplace, there are several things you may see.  Depending on what you see, you'll type in something different.

If you see:

A trophy, take it using "take trophy"

A bird, type "plover"

A ceramic model of brick building, type "plugh"

A ship, type "yoho"

A white house is "xyzzy"

You'l get some stats from this.  Once you're done, on with the typing.

examine tinder
examine parchment
west
north
cut hedge
pick up stick
west
light stick
east
north
kill serpent
open chest
look behind chest
look in hole
south
south
east
light fireplace
take boots
put on boots
west
south
south
south

Lost in Forest
When you're lost in the forest, just keep typing to directions you stop being lost.  I usually use "South" and "West" but you can use anything.

climb tree
take egg
look at petunias
throw egg at roadrunner
down
look in leaves
up
throw ruby at petunias
examine scroll

gnusto cleesh

up
cleesh giant
take ring

That's it, resume your normal adventuring!

Frisky Squirrels

[11:41] Turbulent Squirrel: Tell him about the twinkie.
[11:43] Birdy: a squirrel? In my newbie?
[11:44] Tehkeela: Birdy, yes,
[11:44] Tehkeela: But, no worry.
[11:44] Tehkeela: I greased all of the poles holding up the bird feeders.
[11:44] Birdy: but I do worry
[11:45] Birdy: so no poledancing squirrel? -hic-
[11:45] Turbulent Squirrel: Only if I get paid, sweetheart.
[11:51] Assistant_Madman: no poledancing squirrel, but I do have a lapdancing groundhog    

It's better FOR you, too

[10:00] jon diaz: you know what's better than taco bell? fucking reheated microwaved taco bell -hic-
[10:00] jon diaz is keeping it classy

Doesn't everyone?

[09:43] jon diaz imagines greg with a titanium bear cub strapped to his crotch

Context might help.

[09:39] xTyrx kicks Gregonzola in the nards to keep up the chaos level
[09:39] Gregonzola: I wear a titanium cub, Tyr. -hic-
[09:39] Gregonzola: My last clan trained me well.
[09:39] Gregonzola: er, cup.
[09:39] Gregonzola: They trained me well, except for spelling.
[09:39] xTyrx: Cub eh?
[09:40] xTyrx notices a growling sound coming from gregonzolas pants region
[09:40] xTyrx dumps a bucket of ice water on Gregonzola
[09:40] Gregonzola: That's right. The lion cub will bite you if you try for the nards.
[09:41] Gregonzola shivers
[09:42] Gregonzola: Thanks, Tyr. Now the cub is uncomfortable and my nipples could cut glass.
[09:42] xTyrx offers Gregonzola a sheet of glass
[09:43] Gregonzola cuts it with his nipples
[09:43] jon diaz imagines greg with a titanium bear cub strapped to his crotch
[09:43] jon diaz: i think you want to swap that out with a wolverine for maximum efficacy
[09:43] Gregonzola: Jon, that's a good idea.
[09:43] Gregonzola straps on a titanium wolverine cub
[09:43] xTyrx: Honey badger
[09:43] xTyrx: Or a Tasmanian Devil
[09:44] Gregonzola: Honey badger might eat my naughty bits as a snack.
[09:44] Gregonzola: Nobody wants that.
[09:44] jon diaz: lol
[09:44] xTyrx: Gregonzola the man with the Nards made of Bear cubs
[09:44] jon diaz: that's why you have to use the Sontaran battle strategy.
[09:44] jon diaz: just keep thrusting your crotch at enemies so he doesn't have time to become interested in yours
[09:44] Gregonzola: Good idea.
[09:45] Gregonzola: And maybe feed him well.
[09:45] jon diaz: on the blood of your enemies
[09:45] xTyrx: and remember always keep some raw meat on you to feed him if you have no enemies near by
[09:46] xTyrx: some guy named steve and his robotic Turtle in his pants
[09:46] Gregonzola: Steve is the minecraft guy.
[09:46] Gregonzola: He's kind of a blockhead. A real square.
[09:46] Gregonzola: I'm here all week.
[09:47] xTyrx: gregonzola is the lover across games there isn't a game character he can't seduce except Bowser
[09:47] Gregonzola: If you're challenging me I might be able to seduce Bowser.
[09:47] Gregonzola: I have some talents in that area. Not to toot my own horn.
[09:48] xTyrx: Goood luck
[09:48] jon diaz: don't toot your own horn in public
[09:48] jon diaz: it's rude
[09:49] jon diaz: also it would probably attract the attention of the wolverine cub
[09:49] xTyrx: Gregonzola is so manly he can seduce dinosaurs O.O
[09:49] xTyrx: is there anything he can't bang?
[09:49] Gregonzola: There is not.
[09:50] Gregonzola: I may not be good at much, but I can seduce dinosaurs and marine mammals.
[09:50] xTyrx throws a flaming dolphin at Gregonzola
[09:51] Gregonzola: Burning love is the best love. 
[09:59] jon diaz: if your love is burning, you did something wrong
[09:59] jon diaz: go see a doctor 

Especially then

[20:08] Berrasi: I prefer to watch girls over guys >>
[20:09] skullfark soulshasser: everybody likes lesbians
[20:09] Berrasi: never said I was a lesbian.
[20:09] skullfark soulshasser: i never did either
[20:09] Berrasi: I just don't find a dude sweating and making faces all that attractive.
[20:10] skullfark soulshasser: even if he's mustachioed and fat?

The Rules of Self-Love

[19:57] offcell: .count love me
[19:57] offcell: misfire
[19:57] offcell: lol
[19:58] Gregonzola: So there offcell was, counting the number of times he'd loved himself today...
[19:59] offcell: i hit the . instead of /, fml :(
[19:59] offcell: just realized
[20:00] Berrasi just might be in love with offcell.
[20:00] offcell: I love me, you don't love me. you can't
[20:00] offcell: because I LOVE ME!
[20:01] Berrasi: fine! Love yourself!
[20:02] Berrasi: there ain't no love like my love though xD
[20:02] offcell: i'm curious of your love now Berrasi...
[20:03] Berrasi chuckles and saves all of her love for herself later tonight.
[20:03] Berrasi: and sorry boys, no pictures!
[20:04] offcell walks away, deeply saddened, but then realizes he doesn't like girls anyway, so shrugs it off
[20:04] Berrasi: hah!
[20:04] Berrasi: now I know I <3 offcell.
[20:04] offcell: but you can't
[20:05] offcell: don't you remember?
[20:05] offcell: I LOVE ME!
[20:05] skullfark soulshasser: don't love yourself in public
[20:05] skullfark soulshasser: it's rude

Interactive voice response and Voice to Text

[17:42] Viral_Effigy: and it won't connect you until you at least try using the IVR
[17:42] everyman4: everyone knows the press zero button and they are trying to circle vent that
[17:42] everyman4: circumvent
[17:42] everyman4: come on samsung
[17:42] Viral_Effigy: no i like circle vent better
[17:42] Viral_Effigy: we're going with circle vent
[17:43] everyman4: like a circle jerk for farting

Of Cabbages and Kings

[08:44] Calvsie: so only six items made from palm fronds?
[08:45] Calvsie: um...
[08:45] Calvsie: I'm a palm treee...
[08:46] Jesara: congrats
[08:46] NTrege logged on.
[08:46] xTyrx sets calvsie on fire
[08:46] NTrege: okay calvsie can you quit bothering me now I logged on :P
[08:47] NTrege stares as calvsie burns...
[08:47] Calvsie: AGH!!!!! FIRE FIRE!
[08:47] NTrege: did I miss something?
[08:47] xTyrx: er sorry I thought you were a palm tree
[08:48] Calvsie: check my profile N
[08:48] NTrege: why are you a tree?
[08:48] Calvsie: why aren't you one?
[08:48] Gregonzola: I thought he was king of the cabbages.
[08:49] xTyrx: I thought cabbages grew on palm trees ?
[08:49] Gregonzola: Of course they do.
[08:49] NTrege: he is always declaring him self king of the calvsies
[08:51] Calvsie: only because I am

How to fill a Hard Drive

[08:01] Calvsie: oh god how does any one fill a 1.75TB drive?!?!?
[08:01] noeatnosleep: lots of porn
[08:02] Calvsie: on a vet clinic server... I hope not

Evidently Calvsie isn't aware of the German animal brothels.

They'd be a big seller

[18:40] HumanGasCalves dances around the couch read itits rights
[18:41] Gregonzola: iTits are the new Apple product, Calvsie?

Kill it with Fire

[18:24] jon diaz: aaaaaand i just killed a gigantic-ass centipede that was hanging on the underside of my desk right over my keyboard
[18:24] jon diaz: everybody excuse me while i put on some clean pants
[18:24] Jesara: attack!
[18:24] AlbinoPanther: Ewwwww
[18:24] AlbinoPanther: Centipedes are gross
[18:25] jon diaz: i know they eat other bugs and are helpful and stuff
[18:25] jon diaz: but these fuckers are legitly poisonous
[18:25] Jesara: yep
[18:25] Jesara: I want nothing poisonous in my house but me! Meh.
[18:26] jon diaz: centipedes don't actually bite you. they have stinger things
[18:26] AlbinoPanther: Centipedes like warm and damp, and will buddy up to sleeping humans.
[18:26] Jesara: it's still called a bite because it's jaw-like thingies
[18:26] jon diaz: oh god ap
[18:26] jon diaz: why the fuck did you tell me that
[18:26] jon diaz aaaaaaaa

Calvsie's Epic Beard

Stocks mall multi rubs his face against his beard

Calvsie: wait my beard ofr your own beard?

Stocks mall multi: if you a nickel for every time a guy has rubbed his face against your beard how many nickels would you have calv

Gun_Mage: calvsie doesnt have a beard, he has a forrest

Calvsie: 5...

Stand back, we're professionals

AlbinoPanther: feeling sick again (not related to conversation)

Betafly: oh no :(

Betafly hugs ap

xTyrx hides the syringe he just injected AP with

AlbinoPanther: i would have puked on you if you did that IRL

Gregonzola: Oh, no. AP is our clan father hen.

Gregonzola: WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!

AlbinoPanther is the great white cat, doesn't know what you're talking about

Gun_Mage: greg, take him into a back room and "nurse" him back to health

xTyrx: erm I am the doctor >.> thank you very much

Gregonzola: Tyr, can we save the patient?

xTyrx: Nurse I will need 900 CC's of adrenaline

xTyrx: I doubt it Greg but we will try

Gun_Mage hands xtyrx 900 CCs of adrenaline >.>

xTyrx: Oh and 200 CC's of Morphine

xTyrx gives AP 900CC's of adrenaline

Gregonzola is pretty sure 900 CCs of adrenaline will make your heart explode out your nose

Gun_Mage accidenally trips and punctures xtyrx with 200 CCs of morphine

xTyrx: No he is a Cat remember

AlbinoPanther: @______@

xTyrx: his heart is bigger he can probably surivie

xTyrx: survive

xTyrx: He has a 6% chance of making it

AlbinoPanther screams

xTyrx hits AP in the head with a frying pan

Gun_Mage: 6%? those are good odds

Gun_Mage: DO IT

AlbinoPanther eats the frying pan

xTyrx: oops looks like the patient isn't going to make it

xTyrx: GM just wheel him around back and take care of him

AlbinoPanther urinates all over the clan hall and crawls on the ceiling

xTyrx gives Gm a S'more gun to take care of AP

AlbinoPanther gibbers more incoherently than usual

xTyrx: Now if you will excuse me I have 200CC of Morphine going through my body I am about to be in heaven more or less

Gun_Mage straps albino down into a wheelchair and pushes him into the swimming pool

Gun_Mage walks away whistling

Gun_Mage: ok xtyrx, hes taken care of

AmandaMay pees in the pool

xTyrx wanders around while on an Opiod high

AlbinoPanther floats to the top

xTyrx: Good Job nurse Gun_mage

xTyrx: make sure to hide the body we don''t need to get sued for malpractice problems

AlbinoPanther wonders why he is getting more yellow water poured on him :c

Gun_Mage nods and giggles

Betafly: um

Betafly: why is there yellow water in chat?

Gun_Mage: >.>

AlbinoPanther: "AmandaMay pees in the pool"

xTyrx: we had enough of that last time we operated on that one patient

AlbinoPanther :C

AlbinoPanther glares at GM and xtyrx

xTyrx: I removed his heart but apparently I was supposed to remove his appendix

xTyrx: Fortunately he died before charges could be pressed

Betafly pees on everyone's shoes

Gun_Mage wonders what xtyrx is on

xTyrx: Morphine of course

Gregonzola: 200 CCs of morphine.

xTyrx: its your fault you know

Gregonzola: It's like you don't even listen.

Fur can make tasers ineffective, you see

[20:16] xTyrx: I am smart enough NOT to tase a man eating cat

Muppets are Street

[20:05] jon diaz: ELMO WILL PUT YOU IN A BOX BITCH

Prehensile Love is in the Air

[21:33] TeamSpeakUser: Okay, you fairly skinny then AP, wink wink, nudge nudge?
[21:33] AlbinoPanther: :| yes
[21:33] AlbinoPanther backs away from the winking and nudging
[21:33] TeamSpeakUser: ;)
[21:34] everyman4: yeah, this is getting kiiiiiinda playfully flirty.
[21:34] everyman4 gets popcorn
[21:34] jon diaz: backing away won't help when we're all 6' and prehensile  

Saving Oliver Sudden

[10:17] Oliver Sudden: Apparently my doctor is trying to kill me
[10:17] Oliver Sudden: When I went to pick up medication from the pharmacy, the pharmacist was pretty adamant that I shouldn't be taking it with another one I take. She had to call the doctor to make sure. :O
[10:18] xTyrx plots to kill Oliver's doctor to save the Epic Scotsman
[10:18] Gun_Mage: oh my
[10:19] xTyrx begins building a bomb out of dryer lint and bleach
[10:20] xTyrx searches his belly button for more lint
[10:21] xTyrx can't find enough so he searches GM's belly button too [10:22] Gregonzola donates
[10:24] xTyrx begins building the C4 out of lint and baking soda
[10:24] Oliver Sudden: What happened to the bleach?
[10:25] xTyrx: Its goes to the dentonater
[10:25] xTyrx: OBVIOUSLY
[10:25] Oliver Sudden: Oh!
[10:25] xTyrx would expect EVERYONE to know how to make c4 out of Lint and bleach and baking soda
[10:25] Oliver Sudden: Sorry, I'm not very up-to-date on bomb-making.
[10:27] xTyrx feels sad for oliver

The Paleo Diet and Jabba the Hut

[10:07] Gun_Mage: oliver, Im on the paleo diet
[10:07] Gun_Mage: more like lifestyle
[10:07] Gregonzola: Oh, my bad. He does eat squirrels.
[10:08] xTyrx: and the occasional dead human
[10:08] Oliver Sudden: As in, eating what our ancestors would have eaten?
[10:08] Gregonzola: GM, paleolithic man probably still clubbed women over the heads. I believe we've just solved your marriage problem.
[10:08] Oliver Sudden: Yeah, we've evolved quite a bit from those days.
[10:09] xTyrx: Clubs are to messy you would be better off with a sharp stick
[10:09] Gun_Mage: basically
[10:09] Gun_Mage: this is how you can sum up my diet
[10:09] Gun_Mage: I am grain and dairy free
[10:09] Gun_Mage: and I eat protein, and veggies, and SOME fruit
[10:09] Gun_Mage: thats basically it
[10:09] Oliver Sudden: Why only some fruit?
[10:09] Gregonzola: Oliver, his wife needs a clubbing. It's not something I'd say lightly, as I don't believe in violence against women.
[10:09] Gregonzola: It turns out he married Jabba the Hut.
[10:09] Gun_Mage: heh
[10:10] Oliver Sudden: Gosh Greg.
[10:10] Gun_Mage: yep =(
[10:10] Gregonzola: I'm okay with violence against Jabba.
[10:10] Gun_Mage: lol
[10:10] Viral_Effigy: Ohhh ho ho usa do hajva wo Greg
[10:10] Gun_Mage: at least she LETS me still diet
[10:10] Gun_Mage: but she gets mad at me when girls notice me =P
[10:11] Big Daddy Grimm: what about when guys check you out?
[10:11] Gun_Mage: lol
[10:11] xTyrx: I was just about to ask that
[10:11] Gun_Mage: olivers the only guy who checks me out, and she doesnt know him =P

He'll think of a reason later

[10:08] Big Daddy Grimm: i have a newfound hatred of all things rodent
[10:08] Gregonzola: Why, Grimmy?
[10:08] Big Daddy Grimm: i need a reason?

So many adventures

[11:01] Betafly has 200 adventures
[11:01] Betafly: guess i should spend them :P
[11:02] AlbinoPanther: probly
[11:02] AlbinoPanther has 200 adventures too
[11:03] Guy999: has 0 adv -hic-
[11:04] Penokean wiggles eyebrows.  I'll give you an adventure.
[11:04] Guy999: no thanks -hic-
[11:04] Penokean: LMAO
[11:04] Guy999 is only available to those of japanese ethnicity
[11:04] Penokean: Guy, you crack me up. Someday, I'll find your funny bone
[11:05] Betafly: not that hard to find :P

Guy's Lunch Plans

[09:19] Guy999: lunch = faps

Finding hope

[10:30] Gun_Mage: don't mind Hexa, he has anxieties
[10:30] Gun_Mage: Hexa, watch out for stranger danger
[10:30] Hexatomb: I NEED AN ADULT
[10:31] Oliver Sudden is an adult.
[10:31] Gun_Mage grabs Hexa's hand and leads him to the lost child center
[10:31] Mco: Hexa, you are looking in the wrong place n.n
[10:32] Hexatomb: true
[10:32] Hexatomb: most of the adults here would molest me
[10:32] Oliver Sudden: Someone's confident.
[10:32] Gun_Mage:  Hexa, you're not THAT good looking =P
[10:33] Hexatomb: don't need to be
[10:33] Hexatomb: children are ugly and they get molested all the time
[10:33] Hexatomb: I have a chance!

Mr. Obama and the Potty

[10:09] Calvsie: I wonder if Obama plays KOL...
[10:09] Dizthebear: What if I'm Obama?
[10:10] Oliver Sudden: Diz is Obama?
[10:11] xTyrx: tsk tsk Mr. President you need to learn how to use the toliet ;)
[10:11] Dizthebear: Well I uh...  Obamacare for everyone. 

Every's a Beaver

There's a definite article in there, boys.  Don't get excited.

[19:38] everyman4: I use sandpaper every day. You guys already know more than me. I feel dumb.
[19:39] AlbinoPanther: ... why do you use sandpaper every day? O_o
[19:39] Hexatomb: guys know how to polish the wood from birth
[19:39] everyman4: At work, AP
[19:39] jon diaz: every is secretly a beaver
[19:39] jon diaz: has to sand down the teeth because they don't stop growing
[19:40] everyman4: It's not a secret, Diaz/.
[19:40] everyman4: Now everyone knows.
[19:40] everyman4: GEE THANKS.
[19:40] everyman4: Dam it.

Party on Aisle 15

Jon and Hexa Know Their Sauce

[19:13] jon diaz: guy is clearly 10
[19:13] Guy999: fite me jon
[19:13] Guy999: raight nao
[19:13] Guy999: fite me
[19:13] jon diaz: I'll fight you over that spelling
[19:14] jon diaz downs guy with a single saucegeyser and runs away
[19:14] jon diaz: nah, i'm an hc sc, i can't saucegeyser
[19:14] Gregonzola: Jon, with that 13.5" sword I've heard you can saucegeyser any time you like.
[19:15] jon diaz: i only have one kind of sauce tho
[19:15] jon diaz: and a lot of people don't like the flavor
[19:15] everyman4: A light cream sauce?
[19:15] jon diaz: oddly enough, it tastes like pan-seared tilapia
[19:15] everyman4: Hexa knows more about sauce than any of us.
[19:17] Hexatomb: and yes, I know a lot about sauce :p

A dangerous offer

[08:35] Dizthebear: I'll take on whatever loads Greg doesn't want to deal with.

Gettin' all lathered up

[22:26] jon diaz: AP gets all the sweat out of his system during his strenuous sexual activity
[22:26] AlbinoPanther: ^
[22:27] AlbinoPanther: what can I say, hex takes a lot out of me.

VE Has Hulk Hands

[21:31] Viral_Effigy: AND I SWEAR IF JICK FUCKS ME OUT OF MY 4 DAY RUN I WILL GO TO KOLCON THIS YEAR JUST TO PUNCH HIM IN THE ASSHOLE. WHILE WEARING HULK HANDS.

Japanese is the Real Language of Love

[20:56] Baron Ultima: where are jon's pants?
[20:56] jon diaz: i accidentally so hard i lost them
[20:57] Gregonzola: Donde estan los pantalones de Jon?
[20:57] Gregonzola: That's the Spanish translation. I don't know it in German.
[20:57] xTyrx: Jon doesn't wear pants
[20:58] xTyrx: Ich meine Hose verloren I think is German not 100%
[20:58] Gregonzola: I like it. Close as we're going to come.
[20:59] jon diaz: Ich habe meine Hosen verloren
[20:59] Gregonzola: Nice.
[20:59] Baron Ultima: yeah
[20:59] jon diaz: helping verb
[21:00] jon diaz: conversational past tense, you add haben or sometimes sein to it
[21:00] jon diaz: future tense, you add werden
[21:01] jon diaz: Ich verlore meine Hosen
[21:01] jon diaz: Ich habe meine Hosen verloren
[21:01] jon diaz: Ich werde meine Hosen verloren
[21:02] jon diaz: then you get into the fun stuff like narrative past tense and theoretical tense
[21:02] jon diaz: saying "I would lose my pants" gets crazy
[21:03] Gregonzola: No let's say you're at a bar.
[21:03] Gregonzola: And you're hitting on some hot frau.
[21:03] Gregonzola: What is, "I'd like to take your pants off with my teeth"?
[21:03] jon diaz: hmm
[21:04] jon diaz: Ich will deine Hosen ausgenenimmt?
[21:04] Gregonzola: I like it. I'm going to Germany!
[21:05] jon diaz: mit meine Ze:hne
[21:05] jon diaz: Ich will deine Hosen mit meine Za:hne ausgenenimmt
[21:05] jon diaz: because if you're saying that, why not address them informally ;)
[21:06] Gregonzola: Good point.
[21:06] jon diaz: "If you don't mind, I would be much obliged if you'd kindly let me remove your pants with my teeth"
[21:07] jon diaz: I'm sure you could communicate that in Japanese in about 7 words

Where not to stick your Dick

[20:00] AlbinoPanther flops
[20:00] jon diaz: hey AP
[20:01] Gregonzola scratches AP's ears
[20:01] Gregonzola: Sorry, AP, looks like we're ladyless tonight.
[20:02] AlbinoPanther shrugs
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: i already pissed off one tonight
[20:02] Viral_Effigy: who'd you piss off?
[20:02] Gregonzola: Oh, no. What went wrong?
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: one of my best IRL friends
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: :/
[20:02] skullfark soulshasser: :(
[20:02] Gregonzola: Sorry, man. That's no fun.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: the plumbing in my house fucked up and flooded part of the kitchen again
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: it got UNDER the flooring
[20:03] Gregonzola: Have you money for flowers? Flowers can fix many things.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: and also into the crawlspace
[20:03] Gregonzola: Not good.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: she is a gardener. xD
[20:03] skullfark soulshasser: ha
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: so, she cracked a joke about getting a snorkel and i snapped at her for it
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: .. it's been running since sunday, greg. we just noticed it now, because it finally flooded enough to come out of the cabinet.
[20:04] Gregonzola: Yah, home damage is hard to have a sense of humor about.
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: ikr
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: so, we had an argument about that
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: and made up, somewhat
[20:04] xTyrx wanders in
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: but i still feel like a jerk about it
[20:06] AlbinoPanther shrugs
[20:06] skullfark soulshasser: this calls for an epic song
[20:06] skullfark soulshasser: [link] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3ntHpYocc0
[20:07] skullfark soulshasser: a friend of mine told me about these guys last night
[20:07] skullfark soulshasser: ironically because his brother thought i had told him about them
[20:07] Gregonzola: Full circle!
[20:08] AlbinoPanther: i adore tarja, not so much nightwish as a group
[20:08] skullfark soulshasser: rocks out so fukkin hard
[20:08] skullfark soulshasser: this is the album after she left i believe
[20:08] AlbinoPanther: she's crazy as fuck but What Lies Beneath is such a good album
[20:09] AlbinoPanther: oh, then fuck that
[20:09] AlbinoPanther: (looool, fuck hat)
[20:09] skullfark soulshasser: aww
[20:12] Hexatomb: Never stick your dick in crazy
[20:12] skullfark soulshasser: who's this Crazy person
[20:12] skullfark soulshasser: did somebody misspell "Candy" on her birth certificate
[20:12] Hexatomb: I dunno, I missed the whole conversation
[20:12] Viral_Effigy: never stick your dick in a toaster. unless you're bread.
[20:13] skullfark soulshasser: i'm guessing this is someone AP was not sticking his dick in
[20:13] Gregonzola: A friend made a joke a bit too soon about water damage. AP wasn't ready for it and reacted poorly.
[20:14] Gregonzola: This caused a temporary rift, but AP is still a bit miffed.
[20:14] Hexatomb: He was talking about a fuck hat, so I have no idea
[20:14] AlbinoPanther: LOL
[20:14] Gregonzola: So, she's definitely not getting any panther meat.
[20:14] skullfark soulshasser: that's what the kids are calling condoms these days
[20:14] skullfark soulshasser: fuck hat for little william -hic-
[20:14] Hexatomb: William, so formal
[20:15] AlbinoPanther: ahahaha
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: put it on your pole
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: [link] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2oMMZ59Lgk
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: the guy with the penis vagina aliens
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: only they had to take the penises out
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: ...and also the vaginas.

Food is good soup

[21:07] Gregonzola:  I'm moving to Oregon.
[21:11] Gregonzola: I think Salem.
[21:11] AlbinoPanther: i wish i could move to salem, greg.
[21:11] everyman4: Oh, man, I'm like, 30 seconds away from Salem
[21:11] everyman4: Move here, AP!
[21:12] Gregonzola: AP, you can. Move with me!
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: wrong salem 
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: i was thinking about salem, Mass. :P
[21:12] Gregonzola: We can have picnics and stuff.
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: yeahhhhh
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: no.
[21:12] Gregonzola: Every, will you have picnics with me?
[21:13] everyman4: Fine, AP is uninvited to KoL picnic time.
[21:13] everyman4: SCREW YOU THERE'S A PADDLEBOAT
[21:13] AlbinoPanther: ahahahaha
[21:13] everyman4: Of course, Greg
[21:13] Gregonzola: Yay!
[21:13] Gregonzola: Game on.
[21:13] everyman4 looks around for someone to save her from this
[21:13] everyman4: Anybody? No? DID WE ALL FORGET HE WAS A PEDOPHILE LIKE TEN MINUTES AGO?
[21:14] everyman4: AP, come be my third wheel
[21:14] Gregonzola: Every, I'd never do that to you. And I'm no pedophile. I'm a donutsexual.
[21:14] everyman4: We can make Greg the third wheel
[21:14] Gregonzola: I only make love to donuts.
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: oooh~
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: i'm ok with that, every
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: ...
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: christ on a cracker Greg
[21:14] everyman4: You like to do nuts?
[21:15] Gregonzola: I'm only kidding on the donuts. Every has accused me of loving ponies and kids. I figured we'd give her baked goods, too.
[21:15] Gregonzola: I was considering soup, but let's be honest. You can't do that with soup. 
[21:16] AlbinoPanther: challenge accepted, greg. 
[21:16] everyman4: Not with that attitude, Greg

There is no context that could make this better

[16:07] AlbinoPanther:  Calvsie, stop calling your wife's penis a "dragon."

It's hard to imagine how that could be anything else

[15:50] Stocks mall multi: the locust will feast upon my genitalia
[15:51] Stocks mall multi: oops misfire

Come On

[21:05] jon diaz: OH COME ON
[21:05] jon diaz: "Before I'm gonna let you through this room," says the shark, "you're gonna have to sink the 8 Ball. But you gotta do it off of 1,892 rails, or it doesn't count."
[21:05] jon diaz: You manage to pocket the 8 Ball, but only off of 1,891 rails. "Sorry," says the shark. "Better luck next time."
[21:05] AlbinoPanther: LOL
[21:06] AlbinoPanther: that's beautiful, jon
[21:06] jon diaz: fml
[21:06] AlbinoPanther pats jon
[21:07] jon diaz: not sure whether i can get much farther in the basement at my current level
[21:07] jon diaz: :P
[21:07] Gregonzola: AP, he's upset. Don't pat his butt.
[21:07] Zeklan: oh oops
[21:07] jon diaz: fuck it
[21:07] jon diaz: 218
[21:07] Zeklan backs away from jon butt
[21:08] jon diaz: not my butt
[21:08] jon diaz: the "fuck it" was directed at the basement