Friday, August 30, 2013

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Casey Jones

[13:52] Piter: whoo whoo I'm a railroad
[13:55] miss havisham: whoo whoo WHY WON'T YOU SHARE YOUR DRUGS

Piter May be High

[09:33] Piter: there are frogs in space
[09:33] Piter: who knew?
[09:34] PizzaDaHutt: toads?
[09:38] Piter: toads carry disease
[09:38] Piter: frogs carry magic

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

How to Crap on a Desk

[11:30] Everybody: Somehow, the words that popped out were "relieved" and "on my desk".
[11:30] Everybody: Which I'm a fan of right now.
[11:30] Shoo86: lol
[11:31] Gregonzola: Haha. Some days, I'd be willing.
[11:31] Everybody: You can work your way up to it.
[11:31] Everybody: Start by taking a bottle on your desk, and peeing into it.
[11:31] Everybody: Once you do that a few times, move up to a coffee cup. (Someone else's.)
[11:32] Everybody: On to the wastebasket ....
[11:32] Everybody: And finally, when by default you're urinating in your wastebasket instead of the bathroom, just piss on the desk.
[11:32] Everybody: Take all the paper that sopped it up, throw it away. See that you survived it.
[11:32] Everybody: Ok. So. Urination? Check. Now we move up to defecation. -hic-
[11:33] Everybody: You've already accepted that the wastebasket is for human waste, so just squat over that.
[11:33] Everybody: Pretty natural, right? Has a lid, closes, out of sight, out of mind.
[11:33] Everybody: Even has a bag you can tie the poop up in.
[11:34] Everybody: From there, get a vinyl chair. You can either practice crapping on to a chair (flat surface! new) or go directly to standing on the chair and squatting on a desk. -hic-
[11:34] Everybody: Again, having some papers down helps. Knowing that cleanup is a breeze will make you more likely to follow through.
[11:34] Everybody: NOW. NOW PROCEED TO YOUR BOSS' OFFICE.
[11:35] Everybody: Remember that "cleanup is a breeze", because someone else will do the cleanup.
[11:35] Everybody: Pull up the hot seat, jump up on it as if the floor were hot lava, then dump a hot steamer on his/her desk.
[11:35] Everybody: Run like a motherfucker.
[11:36] Everybody: Okay, so, adrenaline's high right now. This is your first field mission and it went well.
[11:36] Everybody: You've got to consider plausible deniability. So take another deuce on someone ELSE'S boss' desk.
[11:37] Gregonzola: Ah, good idea.
[11:37] Gregonzola: I should go on another boss's desk first.
[11:37] Everybody: It's nowhere near as fulfilling, and if you get busted then, you'll never get a second shot.
[11:37] Everybody: Oo. But you know.
[11:37] Everybody: As a warm up.
[11:38] Everybody: You could pre-crap in a bag, empty that on the other boss's desk.
[11:38] Shoo86: lol, you guys
[11:38] Everybody: That's a pretty quick delivery. There's no way they're going to catch on to you before you make the real hit.
[11:39] Everybody: Unless they've got one of those laser-thermometers and a book on differential equations handy, they'll probably never realize that you took the first dump hours before.
[11:41] Everybody: I'm going to write the pamphlet, and it's going to be called "GIVE IT BACK -- You take crap all day, it's time to return the favor!" -hic-
[11:42] Everybody hmms. "The Complete Deskcrapper"? "You're Number 1, They're Number 2"?
[11:42] Everybody: "An Immodest Proposal"?

Non Sequitur

[09:07] Nuria: I hate bleach.
[09:08] Everybody: I feel the same way . It reminds me of smurfs.
[09:08] miss havisham: I kinda hate that there are no pecans in my mixed nuts.
[09:08] miss havisham: *blinks*
[09:08] Nuria: ....
[09:08] miss havisham: Why does bleach remind you of smurfs?
[09:08] Nuria: why are you eating Nuts, Havi? those are gross.
[09:08] Everybody: They're both blue.

Monday, August 26, 2013

Why Scooby Couldn't Smell the Difference

[14:00] Everybody: Scooby Doo was actually pretty stupid.
[14:00] Everybody: I've never understood why he would mistake a person for a ghost. A dog can smell the difference.
[14:02] Piter: too much marijuana

Thursday, August 22, 2013

That poor phone

[13:12] DavidIsGreat: hi eveybody
[13:13] Everybody: Hello, Davey!
[13:14] DavidIsGreat: what's new and exciting?
[13:14] Everybody: Piter's going to help me fuck my phone in its little tiny brain.
[13:15] Everybody: Until the brains come out its invisible ears.
[13:15] Everybody: So that's new!
[13:15] DavidIsGreat: oh. well whatever you do wash your hands

Phil

[09:28] Everybody: Uh. We discussed yesterday how she has an imaginary male friend bonded to her teeth.
[09:29] Everybody: So, yes, I'm starting to think CPS needs to visit her parents.
[09:29] miss havisham: Phil is not imaginary. I assure you.
[09:30] Piter: havi, Phil is a racist.
[09:30] Piter: he told me last night.
[09:30] Piter: is that something you want in your mouth?
[09:31] miss havisham: um
[09:31] miss havisham: maybe i should just get dentures
[09:32] miss havisham: and not name them anything, just keep them in a glass by the sink and call them "my teeth" 

Piter's Meatballs are The Shit

[09:23] Piter: eat a sandbag
[09:23] Gregonzola: I don't think I will.
[09:24] Piter: please?
[09:24] Piter: it's delicious
[09:24] Piter: tastes like apple juice and HORSES
[09:24] miss havisham: I'm gonna pass.
[09:24] Shoo86: hey piter
[09:24] Gregonzola: No passing if it's like apple juice AND horses. I'm having some.
[09:24] miss havisham: oh, i thought that said "apple piss"
[09:24] Piter: Haldo, Shoose.
[09:24] miss havisham: apple JUICE, i'll think about.
[09:25] Shoo86: apple juice and horses? you'd love eating at ikea
[09:25] Gregonzola does
[09:26] Piter: YOU BET
[09:26] Piter: omnom
[09:26] Piter: actually, I've never eaten at Ikea, but my Swedish meatballs are the shit
[09:26] Piter: which was almost "Swedish metaballs"
[09:26] miss havisham: what did i miss
[09:26] Gregonzola: You know, whenever people say food is "the shit" I suddenly lose all desire to try it.
[09:26] miss havisham: i accidentally left chat. again.
[09:27] Gregonzola: I may visualize too much.
[09:27] miss havisham: i feel that way about "the tits"
[09:27] miss havisham: more than "the shit"
[09:27] miss havisham: i wonder if i am a deeply disturbed human.
[09:27] Gregonzola: You associate tits and shit? No wonder you don't like them. Also, we need to talk about your childhood.
[09:27] Piter: well, it's delicious.
[09:27] Gregonzola: Shit?
[09:27] Gregonzola: I'm gonna take your word on that.

The Drilldo

[09:15] Everybody: "Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man.. of no taste."
[09:16] Gregonzola: "But I have an amazing schlong and a lot of creativity." -hic-
[09:16] Everybody opens his sack of toys and produces the DRILLDO with a flourish.
[09:16] Everybody shows you his best impression of Vanna White.
[09:16] miss havisham: NO MORE DENTIST PORN
[09:16] Everybody: Handyman.
[09:16] miss havisham: *sniffle*
[09:16] Everybody: How do you do I .. see you met my .. faithful, Handyman.
[09:17] Everybody: He's just a little brought down because when you knocked .. he thought you were the candyman.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Inside Greg's Head

 photo HamsterSkull_zps1e2d904f.jpg

This explains a lot.

Note:  For this photo to be really well-done, we'd need an x-ray of a hamster.

THIS is why the Teddy Bear is the best familiar EVER!!

Meet Phil Part 2

[10:25] Gregonzola: Oh, yeah. An apple a day makes this dentist want lays.
[10:25] Gregonzola: Horrible rhyme. All I could come up with at the moment.
[10:25] miss havisham: Phil doesn't like apples either.
[10:27] miss havisham: Ok. I am going to feed Phil some yogurt and raspberries, and go into work.
[10:28] Gregonzola: Phil?
[10:28] Gregonzola: Did she name her stomach or is she pregnant?

Always be true to your word

[10:18] Piter: I think I'm gonna go drown myself.
[10:18]
Piter: brb
[10:19]
Everybody: In booze?
[10:19]
miss havisham: Um
[10:19]
miss havisham: FALSE ADVERTISING
[10:19]
Everybody: A lack of advertising is not false advertising.

Adventures in Dentistry

[10:12] miss havisham: Can't... Stop laughing
[10:13] miss havisham: I'm coping with trauma.
[10:13] Everybody: Show me where the bad man put his tools in your mouth.
[10:14] miss havisham: It... Was a bad lady.
[10:14] Everybody: Ooo, this is even naughtier. -hic-
[10:14] Everybody: Did she tell you to swallow or to spit?
[10:15] miss havisham: Neither, there was a suction tool in her arsenal. I was told just to lie still.
[10:16] Everybody: Wow. THIS is something I need to add to the toybox.
[10:16] Everybody: I wonder if they'll let me bring it on a plane. -hic-
[10:17] miss havisham: Pretend to be a sadistic dentist
[10:17] miss havisham: Which is every dentist
[10:18] Everybody: Who's pretending?
[10:18] Everybody: Why do you think I asked which tooth the filling was in? -hic-
[10:18] Everybody rubs his hands gleefully.
[10:19] Everybody has a bunch of picks in his toolbox.
[10:20] miss havisham: You stated a procession other than dentistry.
[10:20] Gregonzola: Hey, my scrotum-coloured budgirigars!
[10:20] miss havisham: *profession
[10:20] Everybody: One can have two jobs.
[10:20] miss havisham: You should at that time have mentioned it, if you were a trained dentist
[10:20] Gregonzola blinks
[10:20] Gregonzola: Pooch is precessing? You're going to get dizzy, sir!
[10:21] Gregonzola: He does have a favorite dental drill.
[10:21] miss havisham: If you are a dental hobbyist, you should have mentioned it by now
[10:21] Gregonzola: It's old fashioned, though. He has to jab it in in and out.
[10:21] Gregonzola: So far I'm not sure it's ever actually helped with a toothache.
[10:21] miss havisham: I'm just saying, you can't spring that on me at this late date and expect me not to react
[10:21] Everybody: Getting dizzy with it!
[10:22] Everybody: Whut, you thought my oral fixation was just.. a fixation?
[10:22] Everybody: You thought it was a harmless comment when I said that I liked your teeth?
[10:22] miss havisham: I am a trusting soul.
[10:23] miss havisham: I never expect sadistic dentists to be hiding on the Internet.
[10:23] Everybody: That doesn't sound like trust, that sounds like wilfull ignorance. -hic-
[10:23] miss havisham: WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?
[10:23] Gregonzola: Oh, baby. You have such sexy teeth.
[10:23] Gregonzola: If you'd said it that way, she might have understood.
[10:23] Big Daddy Grimm: exercise those choppers baby...you know what daddy likes...
[10:24] miss havisham: Omg this could not be more horrifying, unless all of you turned into clowns
[10:25] Gregonzola: Oh, yeah. An apple a day makes this dentist want lays.
[10:25] Gregonzola: Horrible rhyme. All I could come up with at the moment.

Meet Phil Part 1

10:05] Piter: havi
[10:06] Piter: Stop eating my sesame cake.
[10:06] miss havisham: Hmm?
[10:06] miss havisham: Phil and I don't eat cake. Not to worry.
[10:06] Everybody: You... you what?
[10:07] Everybody: CAKE. IS LIFE.
[10:07] miss havisham: Not now that I have Phil. I have to take care of him.
[10:07] miss havisham: He likes yogurt.
[10:08] miss havisham: He's afraid of sweets.
[10:08] Piter likes yogurt.
[10:09] Everybody: Whoever Phil is, he sucks. Give me his dessert.
[10:10] miss havisham: He is my BFF and I never go anywhere without him.
[10:10] Everybody scratches his head. Is this a vibrator?
[10:10] miss havisham: But you can have our cake. And cookies.
[10:10] miss havisham: No, Phil is my filling :(
[10:10] Everybody: Is this Phil McCracken, the dentist/porn star?
[10:11] Everybody: Oh, God.
[10:11] Everybody stares up at heaven. "Please, please. Make it rain in the desert. I think she's getting delirious."
[10:11] Everybody: Look, I know it's not unusual for small children to have bizarre imaginary friends.
[10:12] miss havisham: He's not imaginary. Wanna see?
[10:12] Everybody: But the idea of an imaginary male friend that is bonded to your teeth just makes me assume child abuse.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Pet Names

[21:11] miss havisham: LEEVERB
[21:12] RAMONE: urethra

A budgie goes to paradise

[13:51] Piter: Grimmy, are you a member of a race of tricky lobster people?
[13:51] Tiny Plastic GrimmSpoon: wasnt there an incident where the lobster or whatever they were using laid eggs in the womans vagina and bad things happened?
[13:52] miss havisham: NO
[13:52] miss havisham: THERE WAS NOT
[13:52] miss havisham: EVER.
[13:54] fantabulous: Why would someone put crustaceans in their vagina? Live or dead.
[13:54] Tiny Plastic GrimmSpoon: dont ask me. i didnt start this one
[13:55] Everybody: ARE THEY LIVE OR DEAD! HAVE THEY SHRIMPS THEIR IN THE BED?
[13:55] Piter: Why would someone smuggle a budgie into a prison in their vagina?
[13:55] miss havisham: and since then my philosophy about the human body is "use it while you've got it"
[13:55] Piter: Furthermore, how would someone go about smuggle a big flatscreen tv into an Irish prison in one's vagina?
[13:55] Piter: Inquiring minds want to know.
[13:55] miss havisham: i could smuggle a very SMALL flatscreen TV into an irish prison, in my vagina.
[13:58] Gregonzola: [21:02] miss havisham: i asked her just to pull it out instead
[13:58] miss havisham: i could smuggle a larger one in my purse
[13:59] miss havisham: is this a viable career alternative?
[13:59] Gregonzola: It is!
[13:59] Gregonzola: It's called muling.
[13:59] Gregonzola: Being a mule may not sound glamorous, but it actually is!
[13:59] Everybody: Can I suggesting something to smuggle in your vagina?
[14:00] Everybody: Wait. A BUDGIE? Poor budgie. How did it breathe?
[14:00] Piter: I don't know. But it did survive and was confiscated.
[14:01] miss havisham: um. is it a lobster tail?
[14:01] Everybody: What colour is it?
[14:01] RAMONE: scrotum
[14:01] Piter: scrotum brown -hic-
[14:02] Carling: scrotum beige
[14:02] Piter: texture like sun
[14:02] Piter: lays me down
[14:02] Piter: with my mind she runs
[14:02] Everybody: There are no scrotum-coloured budgies!
[14:02] miss havisham: wow so this is how word salad works
[14:02] Piter: bullshit
[14:02] miss havisham: i've just landed inside a schizophrenic mind
[14:03] Everybody: No, Havi, I may have a sample of word salad somewhere.
[14:03] miss havisham: that can't be true, pooch. a scrotum could be one of a number of colors. i'm sure there is a budgie somewhere to match one of them.
[14:03] Everybody: What color is your scrotum?! Fallow-cobalt?
[14:03] Piter: had to match the hair, dude
[14:04] Gregonzola: Levar Burton taught me on Reading Rainbow that my scrotum can be anything. -hic-
[14:04] miss havisham: take a look, it's in greg's scrotum,
[14:04] miss havisham: i'm not gonna finish that song
[14:04] Gregonzola: A dangling rainbow!
[14:07] Piter: right, on the note of Greg's dangling, rainbow scrotum
[14:07] Piter: I'll see you cats later

I hope the driver was flexible

 photo Inertia_zpsf9bcc882.jpg

Alternative Use of Lobster

[13:37] miss havisham: sure. i like lobster just fine IN stuff
[13:37] miss havisham: but i don't get excited about it.
[13:37] miss havisham: but crab, i will seek out. yum. 

[13:37] Everybody: So, uhm... lobstertail for sexy penetration time?
[13:39] Carling: i'm down
[13:40] Gregonzola: I'm pretty sure that's illegal in South Carolina. 
[13:50] Gregonzola: I'm not sure I wanted to know that Carling is okay with lobster penetration during sexy time.
[13:50] miss havisham: i'm okay with knowing that, but not okay with lobster- penetration.
[13:51] Carling: just the tail 

He's a bit senstive this time of the month

[11:10] Piter: man, my hair looks weird when it's not up now >.> -hic-
[11:11] Everybody: Your hair needs levitra.
[11:11] Piter: oh, it's way up now. But I washed the two-day-old product out of it and a blue mohawk looks weird laying flat
[11:14] Big Daddy Grimm: its a blue combover
[11:14] Big Daddy Grimm: when punk rockers hit middle age
[11:15] Piter: just 'cause I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm not in my 20s! :'(
[11:15] Piter runs off crying

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Dangerous Havi

[09:42] miss havisham logged off.
[09:42] Everybody: That's right, lady, you run! You log off! We'll get you!
[09:43] Shoo86: haha
[09:46] Gregonzola: She scares me She could cut a guy.
[09:46] Gregonzola: She's 5 feet with pure fury.
[09:46] Gregonzola: And hair.
[09:48] Gregonzola: I'm making upon Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[09:48] Gregonzola: She should probably wear leather if she's going from be Dangerous.
[09:49] Everybody: Lol, she's taller than 5'.
[09:49] Everybody: Hmm. No, I just can't imagine her in leather.
[09:49] Gregonzola: Oh, sure. Ruin imaginary Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[09:49] Everybody: Waaait, yes I can.
[09:49] Gregonzola: She wouldn't cut you, either.
[09:49] Everybody: I can't see it HAPPENING, but I can sure imagine it.
[09:49] Gregonzola: Heh.
[09:58] Everybody: New goal: get Havi to cut me.
[09:58] Gregonzola: She won't.
[09:58] Gregonzola: She's not actually dangerous.
[09:58] Everybody: I have a special talent for making women violent.
[09:59] Everybody: Chicks who have never punched anyone in their life punch me. :)
[10:10] Everybody: So, Havi, we wanted to know.. how do you feel about dressing up in leather?
[10:11] miss havisham: um, like a nice leather jacket? I'd be okay with that.
[10:11] Gregonzola: You're talking to real Havi. I was making up imaginary Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[10:11] Everybody: Boots? Pants?
[10:11] miss havisham: Leather shoes, also cool
[10:11] Everybody: She might be a Havi girl in a Havi world.
[10:11] miss havisham: I don't enjoy boots at all, no matter the material
[10:11] miss havisham: my toes clamor to be free
[10:11] Everybody: Oh.
[10:12] miss havisham: i'd consider leather pants, in the right set of circumstances.
[10:12] Everybody generally hates anyone whose alias includes the word 'Hermit' on principle.
[10:12] miss havisham: which would first involve losing about 50 more pounds...
[10:12] miss havisham: so... there go my plans for my HermitHavi alt
[10:12] miss havisham: :(
[10:12] miss havisham: HermitHaviInLeather
[10:13] Everybody: Uh. Your existing name is specifically hermitudinous enough, don't you think?
[10:13] miss havisham: Only for the literate
[10:14] Gregonzola: You're not concerned with the illiterate, right? They have trouble chatting.
[10:14] Everybody: wut u sa?
[10:14] Gregonzola: I'm thinking Dangerous Havi would be kind of like Black Widow.
[10:14] miss havisham: DangerHavi
[10:14] miss havisham: that's a superhero, right? is her superpower killing dudes?
[10:15] Everybody: Her superpower is CUTTIng dudes.
[10:15] miss havisham: um... cutting off their dicks, or just more general cutting?
[10:15] Gregonzola: She's a Russian Spy turned superhero, isn't she?
[10:15] Everybody: I told you I was going to unlock this achievement, Grego, and I'm going for it.
[10:15] Everybody: Just cutting.
[10:16] Everybody: I could go clothes shopping.
[10:16] Everybody: But I prefer to have a female with me for that.
[10:16] miss havisham: i could be a Russian spy. that part sounds cool.
[10:16] miss havisham: a female with you to unlock achievements or shop for clothing?
[10:16] Shoo86: i dont wanna ruin his kol fun
[10:17] Gregonzola: Sure you do!
[10:17] miss havisham: i do
[10:17] Shoo86: i just wanna make him mad for a bit
[10:17] miss havisham: fuck that guy.
[10:17] miss havisham: i'll cut him.
[10:18] Shoo86: havi did you get those optimal dog pics i sent?
[10:19] miss havisham: idk, i had to delete the files sight unseen. Timing, shoo. You couldn't have sent 'em six weeks ago?!
[10:20] Gregonzola: Give a Havi a relationship, and she's very honorable.
[10:21] miss havisham: Yeah, but I can be honorable and still cut dudes
[10:21] miss havisham: and speak Russian?
[10:21] Gregonzola: You can, Havi.
[10:21] miss havisham: can i speak russian too?
[10:21] miss havisham: great.
[10:21] miss havisham: WAIT A MINUTE
[10:21] miss havisham: is this related to leather? is this a trap?
[10:22] miss havisham: i get to provide my own wardrobe.
[10:22] miss havisham: i will cut dudes while i wear baggy jeans.
[10:22] Gregonzola: Black Widow doesn't always wear leather. Mostly just when Scarlett Johansson is playing her.
[10:23] Shoo86: heh
[10:25] miss havisham: Oh, good. Well, seeing no movie stars here, I think I'm good to go with long skirts and baggy jeans.
[10:25] Everybody: Long skirts are good for hiding long weapons.
[10:26] miss havisham: yes, like my enormous dick
[10:27] Everybody: Uhh.
[10:27] miss havisham: what, i can't cut people with my enormous dick? let me read my contract again
[10:28] Everybody: Because then you'd get blood on your dick, and that's not safe.
[10:28] Everybody: Unless you have also a super immune system that protects you from blood-borne diseases.
[10:28] miss havisham: Hmm, good point.
[10:28] miss havisham: I'll stick to blades, then.
[10:28] miss havisham: *puts away the enormous dick*
[10:29] Everybody: Every man considers the application of his penis as a killing device, and we all reach the same conclusion.
[10:29] Everybody: The only effective means is to choke someone to death with it.
[10:29] miss havisham: oh.
[10:30] miss havisham: you're ruining my dreams, here. i want to beat someone to death with a dick, just once. 
[10:30] Everybody: You can, but you have to do it from the inside, wink wink, nudge nudge.
[10:30] Everybody: Unless you can do that dim mak touch thing with it.
[10:30] Everybody: Dim mak bad touch.
[10:31] Shoo86: hmm
[10:31] miss havisham: hmm. can't i just poison people
[10:32] miss havisham: doesn't that seem more black widow-y?
[10:32] Everybody: Poison isn't a very .. filmworthy means of death.
[10:33] Everybody: It is generally long, drawn out...
[10:33] Everybody: You'd have to do one shot every hour or so.
[10:33] Everybody: A montage of screaming, vomiting, bleeding from orifices. You know. The kind of shit Hollywood loves.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Malicious Fecal Distribution

Maybe she's just saying she likes him.

That's different

[09:57] Everybody: Hey, Havi, what's the difference between camping and anal?
[09:58] miss havisham: ...I'm willing to try camping?
[09:58] Everybody: Dammit.

Wood Chippers and Charlatans

[08:01] Piter: GregoryGorgonzola: sell free fairy-worn boots and use profits to crash agua de vida market temporarily?
[08:03] Gregonzola: Who is this bastard?
[08:03] Everybody: Which one?
[08:03] Gregonzola: Looking to steal my Agua de Vida profits?
[08:03] Unknown Player: gregorygorgonzola
[08:03] Piter: I'm looking to collect.
[08:03] Gregonzola: His name is too close to mine. We must kill him.
[08:05] Gregonzola: Hm. He doesn't come up with a /whois.
[08:05] Gregonzola: I'm going to go poop and then mail it to him.
[08:05] Piter: I was asking you. I thought GregoryGorgonzola was your full name.
[08:15] Gregonzola: Nope, no relation.
[08:15] Gregonzola: But I'm annoyed someone chose something that close to my name.
[08:16] Piter facepalm
[08:18] Gregonzola: I don't do nasty things like try to crash the market.
[08:16] Everybody totally takes advantage of his neighbor.
[08:16] Everybody: He's got people over there doing tree work, so I'm getting free wood chips.
[08:17] Everybody: Then I'm going to be like ,"Oh, since you guys are here, want to turn a few extra bucks with that wood chipper?"
[08:17] Everybody: And then in a few weeks when he calls a dude with a stump grinder, I'll be like, "Hey, since you're already here...."
[08:18] miss havisham: and then when your neighbor calls a prostitute...
[08:18] miss havisham: you guys can put her in the wood chipper too
[08:18] Everybody: My neighbor is a dedicated, married man.
[08:18] miss havisham: efficiency.
[08:18] miss havisham: well, i didn't speculate as to what he was going to do with her

You don't see that every day

I'm pretty sure the story linked here is about Senam feeding on n00bs.

In case you don't want to click the link, here's a picture:

 photo SharkShark_zpsf09133b8.jpg

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Fucking Thursday

[09:17] Shoo86: hey jerks
[09:18] miss havisham: hey a-hole
[09:18] miss havisham: happy fucking thursday
[09:18] Piter: yo yo, Shoothulu
[09:18] Shoo86: =D -hic-
[09:18] miss havisham: i thought it was friday this morning, so i wore jeans
[09:18] Shoo86: whats goin on?
[09:18] miss havisham: this will go well during our 3-hour department meeting this afternoon i'm sure
[09:18] Shoo86: haha, oh no!
[09:18] Piter: been playing Organ Trail: Director's Cut this morning
[09:18] Shoo86: i realiezed on week 5/6 of a rotation that fridays were casual days
[09:19] Shoo86: nobody bothered telling me
[09:19] Gregonzola: Wait, fucking Thursday? We get to fuck today?
[09:19] Gregonzola: I'm going to go inform my coworkers.
[09:19] Everybody: Dicks!
[09:19] Shoo86: and i didnt bother paying attention to what people were wearing
[09:19] miss havisham: lol shoo
[09:19] Everybody: Uniform your coworkers!
[09:19] miss havisham: that's what it says on my calendar, greg
[09:19] Gregonzola: Great calendar.
[09:20] Everybody: Right after hump day. -hic-
[09:20] miss havisham: gotta keep busy
[09:21] Gregonzola: *get

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Giving it a shot

[12:35] Carling: ok Shoo and Krak are up next
[12:35] Carling: on loot when anyone sees em
[12:35] Gregonzola: Yelling "fellatio" only calls Pooch, right?
[12:35] Gregonzola: I bet it could work for Krak and/or Shoo, though.
[12:35] Everybody: It sounds like yodeling. Fe-eh-la-SHEE-oo- ooh!
[12:35] Piter: Shooligan is going to Scamton, so he might be on later
[12:35] Piter: well then,
[12:36] Piter calls fe-eh-la-SHEE-oo- ooh!

Because if you don't, Carling does

[12:18] Carling: ok piter do you want your junk?

Atta Girl

[11:15] Carling: i went with the boys of loathing calendar
[11:15] sWINgSet: atta girl

The Votes Are In

[11:05] Gregonzola: Oh, hey, Mantz, are you still going to want to PvP, or should we redecorate the Rumpus room?
[11:06] Gregonzola: Shoo's done PvPing--wolfpacking put him off it.
[11:07] sWINgSet: oh we can redecorate
[11:07] Gregonzola: Okay, cool.
[11:07] sWINgSet: pvp isn't even relevant to HC anymore
[11:07] sWINgSet: so no big deal
[11:07] Gregonzola: Do we want to hold a vote for what people want most?
[11:07] Everybody: Oral sex.
[11:07] sWINgSet: i would think adventure stuff would win
[11:07] Everybody votes the same.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Time for a Mashup

[12:30] jesabele: I will bitch about you finishing faster than I expected
[13:37] MasterSilex: was that too quick?
[13:39] jesabele: Shoo, we have got to work on your control 

Crap Piter Says

[12:44] Piter knows the internet is watching. I can see you!
[13:56] Piter: I am NOT blowing pooch to get a bag of rice. No way in hell.
[12:26] Piter: elongated member
[13:33] Piter: That'd be something members of a race of tricky lobster people would say to keep me off balance.
[09:23] Piter: eat a sandbag
[11:37] Piter: if you root it, all you really would need is to move the .apk to the root folder and install them with the Package Installer
[11:37] Piter: (which is, of course, the name of my pelvis) 
[09:38] Piter: frogs carry magic 

Shoo's Romantic Window

[12:33] MasterSilex: oh havi i finished the goatlet in 5 turns
[12:33] miss havisham: .................... ..what
[12:33] miss havisham: WHAT
[12:33] MasterSilex: 3 more turns until my romantic window opens
[12:33] miss havisham: your... romantic... window.
[12:33] MasterSilex: so i dont want to do the outskirts until that starts
[12:33] Piter: he means his anus
[12:33] miss havisham: his anus is on a tight schedule
[12:33] MasterSilex: and i dont wanna waste 2 turns of chorale/thignfinder by starting the nook
[12:34] MasterSilex: so idk what to do
[12:34] jesabele: remember, Shoo, just relax
[12:34] jesabele: ease it in
[12:34] MasterSilex: actually, i guess i could just do the nook anyway
[12:34] Piter: by nook, he also means anus 

Don't disappoint Spiderbox

[12:29] MasterSilex: i wont bitch about finishing faster than i expected
[12:30] jesabele: I will bitch about you finishing faster than I expected

Jesa's box is safe, everyone

[11:57] jesabele: also, pretty sure a spider has been chewing on me while I am sleeping
[12:00] Piter: fucking spiders
[12:01] jesabele: they find me to be particularly tasty
[12:12] miss havisham: hey everyone
[12:12] miss havisham: did i miss anything fantastic yet today while i was idle
[12:12] jesabele: not raelly
[12:15] Gregonzola: You missed Piter: fucking spiders
[12:16] Piter: Pony play's a know go, but sex with a spider?
[12:16] Piter: no go
[12:16] Piter: damn what is WRONG with me today
[12:16] jesabele: the same thing that is wrong with me
[12:16] jesabele: and possibly Havi
[12:16] miss havisham: i bet most spiders would die if fucked by a human
[12:16] miss havisham: so i'm for it.
[12:17] Gregonzola: If you sexed up Jesa's spider, you'd probably fill its book lungs with semen and then it would die of asphyxiation. Aren't you willing to save Jesa with your semen?
[12:17] Gregonzola: Yeah, what Havi said.
[12:17] jesabele: also, there was this theory for awhile that led to me being called Spider Queen and my vagina being the spiderbox
[12:17] MasterSilex: i ate crickets once
[12:18] miss havisham: was it in pasta or tacos, i forget
[12:18] miss havisham: in that same week another friend ate crickets
[12:18] Piter: ...what
[12:18] miss havisham: one of them was pasta and one crickets
[12:18] miss havisham: er, one taco
[12:18] jesabele: see, Havi is right there with us, Piter
[12:19] Gregonzola: Um, tell us abut this theory, Jesa.
[12:19] jesabele: I was still new in black lung
[12:20] jesabele: and one morning I woke up with a hobo spider in my underwear
[12:20] Gregonzola: Um terrifying.
[12:20] jesabele: it didn't bite me, just chilled in my ass crack for who knows how long
[12:20] jesabele: so ExAc started saying I had arachnoginitis
[12:20] Gregonzola: You mesmerized it. It was saying, "Dat ass!"
[12:21] jesabele: and then people started sending me their spider webs
[12:24] jesabele: so for awhile I had the largest collection of them
[12:24] jesabele: and the theory was that the next person to penetrate me would release the eggs 
[12:24] Gregonzola: That's a big incentive not to penetrate you.
[12:24] miss havisham: SCARY
[12:25] jesabele: well, I have been penetrated many times since then
[12:25] Gregonzola: No spiders?
[12:25] jesabele: so unless those spiders need to incubate for more than 5 years I would say it is safe