How to Crap on a Desk

[11:30] Everybody: Somehow, the words that popped out were "relieved" and "on my desk".
[11:30] Everybody: Which I'm a fan of right now.
[11:30] Shoo86: lol
[11:31] Gregonzola: Haha. Some days, I'd be willing.
[11:31] Everybody: You can work your way up to it.
[11:31] Everybody: Start by taking a bottle on your desk, and peeing into it.
[11:31] Everybody: Once you do that a few times, move up to a coffee cup. (Someone else's.)
[11:32] Everybody: On to the wastebasket ....
[11:32] Everybody: And finally, when by default you're urinating in your wastebasket instead of the bathroom, just piss on the desk.
[11:32] Everybody: Take all the paper that sopped it up, throw it away. See that you survived it.
[11:32] Everybody: Ok. So. Urination? Check. Now we move up to defecation. -hic-
[11:33] Everybody: You've already accepted that the wastebasket is for human waste, so just squat over that.
[11:33] Everybody: Pretty natural, right? Has a lid, closes, out of sight, out of mind.
[11:33] Everybody: Even has a bag you can tie the poop up in.
[11:34] Everybody: From there, get a vinyl chair. You can either practice crapping on to a chair (flat surface! new) or go directly to standing on the chair and squatting on a desk. -hic-
[11:34] Everybody: Again, having some papers down helps. Knowing that cleanup is a breeze will make you more likely to follow through.
[11:34] Everybody: NOW. NOW PROCEED TO YOUR BOSS' OFFICE.
[11:35] Everybody: Remember that "cleanup is a breeze", because someone else will do the cleanup.
[11:35] Everybody: Pull up the hot seat, jump up on it as if the floor were hot lava, then dump a hot steamer on his/her desk.
[11:35] Everybody: Run like a motherfucker.
[11:36] Everybody: Okay, so, adrenaline's high right now. This is your first field mission and it went well.
[11:36] Everybody: You've got to consider plausible deniability. So take another deuce on someone ELSE'S boss' desk.
[11:37] Gregonzola: Ah, good idea.
[11:37] Gregonzola: I should go on another boss's desk first.
[11:37] Everybody: It's nowhere near as fulfilling, and if you get busted then, you'll never get a second shot.
[11:37] Everybody: Oo. But you know.
[11:37] Everybody: As a warm up.
[11:38] Everybody: You could pre-crap in a bag, empty that on the other boss's desk.
[11:38] Shoo86: lol, you guys
[11:38] Everybody: That's a pretty quick delivery. There's no way they're going to catch on to you before you make the real hit.
[11:39] Everybody: Unless they've got one of those laser-thermometers and a book on differential equations handy, they'll probably never realize that you took the first dump hours before.
[11:41] Everybody: I'm going to write the pamphlet, and it's going to be called "GIVE IT BACK -- You take crap all day, it's time to return the favor!" -hic-
[11:42] Everybody hmms. "The Complete Deskcrapper"? "You're Number 1, They're Number 2"?
[11:42] Everybody: "An Immodest Proposal"?