Shoo - The God of Member

10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: i was looking for the threesome story on the blog, but i got caught up reading the trolling of kelti post instead...
[10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: gotta love the classics
[10:25] Shoo86: ugh kelti
[10:25] Shoo86: no idea how kelti managed a commendation
[10:25] Shoo86: well i do.. an underplayed class act 1
[10:25] Shoo86: but kelti spews the dumbest shit in there ethat makes no sense
[10:26] Shoo86: has no idea how to speed run and then is giving advice to people
[10:26] Shoo86: its like really.. stfu you have no idea what youre saying
[10:26] Shoo86: my fastest HC run is faster than your fastest SC
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: smack her with your e-peen shoo
[10:26] Shoo86: and youre just giving blatently bad info
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: she can get an E-concussion
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: and ask her "who is your dad-E"
[10:26] miss havisham logged on.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: hey havi, we are talkign about shoo pummeling kelti with his e-penis
[10:27] miss havisham: ...
[10:27] miss havisham: hawt
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: Shoo is the E-peen equivalent to Thor
[10:27] miss havisham: on that note i'm gonna log out again
[10:27] Shoo86: well, grimmy is talking about it
[10:27] Shoo86: lol
[10:27] miss havisham logged off.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: he will even name his penis Mjolnir
[10:28] Big Daddy Grimm: and the tattoo on the side will say :If any chick, be she worthy, or just very hot, shall weild the penis of SHOO"
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: she really logged out. lucklily I have blog posting abilities...
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: which kinda makes me more like Heimdal.
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: I can see Shoo's E-peen all the way from ASSGARD

You and me both, Shoo.

Shoo86: Sorry, you don't seem to be cool enough to have a whitelist for a clan like 'sex'.

Office Party

[15:55] fantabulous: So. Office holiday party tomorrow, and I don't know what to wear.
[15:56] fantabulous: It's too cold to show up in just my red sequin boy shorts.
[15:57] Gregonzola: Well, crap. There goes that plan then.

What kind of pussy wouldn't flush a steak?

[15:15] Gregonzola: But we know Pooch. He bows to no demands!
[15:15] SyDNEY REBIK logged on.
[15:16] Gregonzola: He's like a chimpanzee grabbing the boobs of supermodels. No one can stop him. He has no limits.
[15:17] SyDNEY REBIK: i agree.
[15:18] Shoo86: evenin nerds
[15:19] SyDNEY REBIK: Hello Shoo86. Pleasure to meet you.
[15:19] Gregonzola: Shoo's kind of like a chimp, but his no limits actually refers only to flushing things. -hic-
[15:19] Gregonzola: There is nothing Shoo won't flush.
[15:23] Shoo86: syd <3
[15:24] SyDNEY REBIK: back off creeper

'Tis the Season

[14:40] zweitracht: Every kiss begins during kay?
[14:41] Gregonzola: Latin kisses begin with B. Besos!
[14:42] zweitracht: Aaaah, Mexican hookers. *sigh*
[14:44] miss havisham: *makes a christmas list for Pooch*
[14:50] zweitracht: 14-inch dildos with straps of elastic / form-fitting underwear made of clear plastic / 5'4 women a-drunken and coy / these are a few of my favorite toyyyys
[14:52] miss havisham: i knew there was a way to get him into the Christmas spirit. Dildos.

It's all about expectations

[13:55] miss havisham: ok, well.
[13:55] miss havisham: Havi got everything she wanted out of THAT meeting.
[13:55] miss havisham: Next!
[14:09] miss havisham logged off.
[14:09] Everybody: You got oral sex?
[14:10] fantabulous: Man. Oral sex from a meeting just sounds awful.
[14:14] Gregonzola: Depends on the meeting.

Pooch's Production Company

[12:26] fantabulous: This sounds like the plot of the next Pooch Pounders Production.
[12:26] fantabulous: PPP.
[12:27] Gregonzola: Pooch Poundhers Production?
[12:27] Carling logged off.
[12:30] Everybody: Why pound hers when I can pound everyone else's?
[12:33] Gregonzola: Pooch's Prolific Pounding Productions
[12:34] Gregonzola: AKA P4.
[12:37] Everybody: P4 and aft-her.

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

[11:36] miss havisham: Aw, we found a friend for Pooch on the internet
[11:36] miss havisham: that or a rival. not sure

It's Skippy!

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

In a Box

[08:47] MafOOsalah: We wish you a merry penis...
[08:47] MafOOsalah: WE WON'T GO UNTIL WE GET SOME.

Niaga yad nrop yag

[12:32] RAMONE logged on.
[12:32] jesabele: GET OUT
[12:32] MafOOsalah: AND IN AND OUT
[12:33] RAMONE: penisbutt
[12:35] jesabele: NO U
[12:36] RAMONE: asspenisbutt
[12:36] MafOOsalah: RamOne in the AssButt.
[12:37] miss havisham: oh my. it's gay porn day in one sec again! yay!
[12:37] RAMONE: gay porn is nrop yag backwards

Replacement Dicks

[08:40] Everybody: Oh, they can ship me a replacement, but it won't get here until the 2nd.
[08:40] Everybody: Thanks for fucking things up even more fo rme, Walmart.
[08:40] Gregonzola: Dicks.
[08:40] miss havisham: A replacement what, Pooch?
[08:41] miss havisham: A replacement dick from Walmart? Huh. They really do have everything.

Asshattery

[07:43] miss havisham: also i realized i have an aweosme hat
[07:43] miss havisham: i don't know where i got it but it was in my inventory
[07:48] Gregonzola: My favorite is still the asshat. I wish it were more powerful.
[07:49] miss havisham: i like to make them for no particular reason
[07:50] miss havisham: it just brings me a little joy
[08:02] Gregonzola: Making them is fun.
[08:03] Gregonzola: Maybe if you could wrap an asshat in duct tape.
[08:03] miss havisham: what would it be then?
[08:05] Everybody: Gerbilling hat.

Moar Fisting

[11:00] Gregonzola: I'm looking up fisting.
[11:01] Gregonzola: Pooch is in like all of these.
[11:02] MafOOsalah: I'm a hands-on kind of guy!
[11:03] Gregonzola: *hands-in

The Way of the Surprising Fisting

[09:43] Gregonzola: Crimbo is good for leveling with hard monsters.
[09:46] miss havisham: maybe i'll hit 30 by next crimbo
[09:46] miss havisham: i think around 21 in my first ascension i got STINKING BORED and asked shoo to help me level up andthen it went faster ;)
[09:48] Gregonzola: You know, this is where Mafia would help you. Just let it attack a hard area for you day after day.
[09:48] miss havisham: first I'd have to learn how to do that -hic-
[09:48] miss havisham: and learn what a hard area is
[09:48] Everybody: I'll show ya. -hic-
[09:49] miss havisham: I thought you were idle :)
[09:49] Everybody: I'm like the NSA, I'm always on the line.
[09:50] miss havisham: beep beep
[09:53] miss havisham: next time i ascend i am going to talk to shoo first. or someone.
[10:01] MafOOsalah: You should go master of the surprising fisting.
[10:01] miss havisham: I think your hands are better suited for it.
[10:01] miss havisham: Oh, wait.
[10:02] MafOOsalah: They ARE surprising!

Shoo's Holiday Plans

[10:39] Big Daddy Grimm: where is shoo?
[10:40] miss havisham: good question
[10:40] Gregonzola: Shoo's out trying to convince idiots who still believe in the divine to abandon their faith before Christmas.
[10:41] Gregonzola: And punting baby Jesuses out of nativity scenes.
[10:41] miss havisham: he's standing behind bell-ringers giving out candy canes to people who DON'T drop their change in the bucket
[10:42] jesabele: hahaha
[10:43] Gregonzola: Kicking priests in the junk. 

check twice, flush once

Gregonzola: I'm mildly OCD in some ways. Before I throw stuff out I check it several times.  kashieda solves that by not throwing things away
kashieda: which is... not great
 miss havisham: this is why i like living with other humans.
 miss havisham: "will you check to make sure this is the one i mean to throw away?"
 miss havisham: "Yes, Mom."
 MafOOsalah: Huh?
 MafOOsalah: You have someone double check everything you throw away?
 MafOOsalah: I hope this doesn't apply to toilet paper.

One Sec's Toy Story: You are a friend in me...

[16:28] fantabulous: I was going to say that I don't own any purple toys. Then I remembered that I do.
[16:29] miss havisham: I don't own any toys at all.
[16:29] Big Daddy Grimm: how far deep in your toybox do you have it hidden that you forgot about it?
[16:31] fantabulous: I just haven't used them for a while. They're not floppy purple dongs, which is what I was thinking of.
[16:32] miss havisham: "purple toy" is practically synonymous with "floppy purple dong" in /clan
[16:32] Big Daddy Grimm: its a macro

Poetry at your own risk

15:47] Everybody: If at first she won't suck seed, try, try again?
[15:47] Big Daddy Grimm: that was beautiful....
[15:47] Big Daddy Grimm: *sniff*
[15:47] Everybody bows.
[15:47] miss havisham: i totally nominate pooch for clan poet laureate
[15:47] Big Daddy Grimm: I would say I think i got something in my eye...but in this place..im afraid to
[15:48] Everybody: Yeah, bowing is just bending over.. I wasn't so sure about doing that either.

Havi's Penis Chronicles Part the third: Home Delivery

[15:22] Everybody: Werepenis of London again!
[15:41] miss havisham: i gotta go all the way to london to get dick? damn.
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: havi
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: you are a woman
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: getting dick should be just as easy, if not easier, than ordering out for pizza.
[15:42] Big Daddy Grimm: hell, if porn has taught me anything, you get both at the same time if you want
[15:42] miss havisham: oh. but see above re: women being picky
[15:42] miss havisham: i only like very specific dick. i'm much pickier about dick than pizza.
[15:43] Everybody: Havi has a strict rule of not banging people in her own time zone.
[15:43] miss havisham: I try to be accommodating
[15:43] Big Daddy Grimm: her sex is THAT good that it affects timezones?
[15:44] Everybody: HEY, /CLAN, HAVI IS GOING TO ACCOMODATE US.
[15:45] miss havisham: not all of you, jeez.
[15:45] miss havisham: I SAID I WAS PICKY

Havi's Penis Chronicle's Part the second: the working girl

[12:06] miss havisham: oh my god. I just read a news headline that said "Obama's broken promise"
[12:07] miss havisham: but I read "Obama's broken penis"
[12:07] miss havisham: I think I need to go to penis rehab or something. i may have a problem.
[12:07] Everybody: But you'd say, "No, no, no."
[12:07] miss havisham: *snort*
[12:07] Big Daddy Grimm: take two penii and call me in the morning
[12:11] miss havisham: ok, but i'm not taking obama's. it's broken.
[12:12] Big Daddy Grimm: you have plenty of options in this clan alone, but that would be like shopping in one of those hidden in the back of a chinese laundromat type of stores, where there is always a catch
[12:13] Big Daddy Grimm: like "do not feed it any booty after midnight; etc.
[12:13] miss havisham: it's true; the world is not short on penis.
[12:16] Everybody: Isn't it, though? Aren't there more women in the world than men.
[12:16] Big Daddy Grimm: and yet women are still picky as hell
[12:16] Everybody: OMG , HAVI, YOU NEED TO START HOARDING PENISES.
[12:17] Big Daddy Grimm: thats why i am all for legalizing gay marriage
[12:17] Big Daddy Grimm: to make women realize they are running out of viable options
[12:17] miss havisham: Eh, just mail me the floppy purple dong and i'll be ok
[12:17] miss havisham: women are picky? hmm.
[12:17] Piter logged on.
[12:17] miss havisham: i guess i'm picky. yeah.
[12:17] Big Daddy Grimm: OR, havi is right...i should invest funds in the dildo business.
[12:18] Big Daddy Grimm: an market it as i did above
[12:18] Big Daddy Grimm: ka-CHING
[12:19] miss havisham: i want a cut
[12:19] Big Daddy Grimm: you are the whole legal dept of the comany havi!
[12:19] Big Daddy Grimm: also R&D and product testing.
[12:20] miss havisham: i wear many hats
[12:22] Big Daddy Grimm: just dont get confused which one is which...
[12:23] Big Daddy Grimm: cliff notes: law dept. does the f*ing. R&D: thinks of new ways of f*ng. product testing: gets f*d
[12:23] Big Daddy Grimm: and despite being in one sec for a few ages, i STILL dont feel comfortable spelling out the whole word...
[12:23] Big Daddy Grimm: go figure
[12:24] miss havisham: lol!
[12:25] miss havisham: ok. i need something to wash down this snack. i'm going out in search of caffeine. see you guys soon.

*Grimmy now wonders as he posts this that with all the penis talk...just what WAS that snack...

Havi's Penis Chronicles. Part the first

[10:09] miss havisham: hello /clan
[10:09] Everybody: Hello, doens't blow hard enough!
[10:10] miss havisham: i'll show you hard enough
[10:11] Everybody: Like a big bad wolf?
[10:11] miss havisham: More like... zebralicious
[10:11] miss havisham: i mean, what?
[10:12] Everybody: Did you ever find out if zebradicks are striped?
[10:13] miss havisham: well, yahoo! answers tells me that a zebra's genitals are all-black.
[10:13] Everybody: Once you go zebra. -hic-
[10:18] Shoo86: hi
[10:18] Shoo86: oooh
[10:18] Shoo86: now i get it
[10:18] Shoo86: havi did spirometry
[10:18] Everybody: YOUR MOM?
[10:18] Shoo86: fuck, train time i gotta run
[10:18] Shoo86: see you all later
[10:18] Everybody: Whut? But I want to play with the spirograph too!
[10:19] miss havisham: spirometry what
[10:19] miss havisham: WHAT DID I DO
[10:19] Everybody: 'spiro' is breath, dear.
[10:19] miss havisham: ooooooh
[10:19] miss havisham: shoo's catching up on my medical drama, got it

PSA (Pooch's Service Announcement)

[12:52] Everybody: Damn. Most of /clan isn't here.
[12:52] Everybody: I wanted to tell them that Havi's doctor says she doesn't blow when told to. [12:53] Big Daddy Grimm: HA
[12:53] miss havisham: poor pooch
[12:53] miss havisham: no audience for his hilarity
[12:53] Big Daddy Grimm: no worries
[12:53] Big Daddy Grimm: i can blog it for posterity
[12:53] Everybody: I figure we need to do her doctor a favor and train her.

Linoleum

[14:39] miss havisham: i like the word "linoleum"

You can skip to the big flourish at 1:25 or so if you're impatient.

The Mosquito Laser

They're real, Pooch.  And they're awesome.

Rap Skillz

[13:08] miss havisham: idk, i've never been tasked with identifying rap skills before
[13:09] Gregonzola: Miss Havisham, please identify which skills are actually associated with rap.
[13:09] Everybody: Rap skills start with smoking pounds of dope, heh heh heh.
[13:09] Gregonzola: I believe "Mad rhymes yo" are #1.
[13:09] Gregonzola: #2.
[13:09] Everybody: Then jockin' bitches and slappin' hos.
[13:09] Gregonzola: Right after mad dope smoking skillz.
[13:11] Everybody: And mad raping skills. 

Mizzin' up some Ghost Seances, bitches

[12:57] Big Daddy Grimm: pharmaceutically speaking, the sticky is a direct result of all the shit you mized together and then stirred the pot.
[12:57] Big Daddy Grimm: SCEINCE BITCHES!
[12:58] Big Daddy Grimm: I mean science.
[12:58] Big Daddy Grimm: a seance would work too...
[12:58] Big Daddy Grimm: GHOST SCIENCE BITCHES!

Dickpit Unexplained

[11:50] Gregonzola: Lee, we had a question about dickpit.
[11:51] RAMONE: shoot
[11:51] Gregonzola: Gregonzola: I wish I'd been paying attention. I was going to ask if that's the area behind the scrotum or the area in front of it. And should I use deodorant? Inquiring minds want to know.
[11:51] miss havisham: can you please give us the anatomical location of a dickpit
[11:51] miss havisham: there are so many potential interpretations
[11:51] Gregonzola: miss havisham: i think in front. that way it actually borders the dick. miss havisham: but i am no expert
[11:51] Gregonzola: Everybody: Oh. I thought "dickpit" meant "vagina".
[11:51] Gregonzola: Or the best one: Everybody: Or the place where the spoogepilot sits.
[11:52] RAMONE: It's like when a movie doesn't show gore. All the nastiness is offscreen
[11:52] RAMONE: Because your imagination could come up with something way worse
[11:52] RAMONE: than whatever they could show you
[11:53] RAMONE: so I won't tell
[11:53] miss havisham: lol
[11:53] kashieda: of course you will
[11:53] kashieda: or your momma will
[11:53] RAMONE: of course I will
[11:53] kashieda: when we bring her "donuts"
[11:53] RAMONE susceptible to Force suggestion
[11:53] kashieda: this is not the chat you are silent in.
[11:54] Gregonzola: Or it could be like a painting, where you're really not supposed to try to come up with what might be beyond the frame.
[11:54] Gregonzola: It's outside of the scope of the art.
[11:54] miss havisham: Way to have a phallic name, dudes named Rod.
[11:54] Gregonzola: "Dickpit" was the art.
[11:54] RAMONE: You can call me Prickasso
[11:55] RAMONE: That lecture really took its toll
[11:56] RAMONE: but that's prince spaghetti day 

Yeah, like that

[10:33] Everybody: A game should be fun, not painful.
[10:33] Everybody: Kind of like sex with strangers.

129

miss havisham: 129!

Gregonzola: 129?

miss havisham: lucre

Gregonzola: Oh, yes. Congrats! You will have a Puppy before you know it.

Gregonzola: Then Lee will quit the game and you can take over his puppy record on the display case records.

miss havisham: man. on the one hand, i like to win things and also i like cute things

miss havisham: on the other hand, kolife without lee would be bleak

Gregonzola: He won't really quit. He has too much invested.

Gregonzola: Yesterday he came up with, "Dickpit."

miss havisham: too many puppies

Gregonzola: I wish I'd been paying attention.  I was going to ask if that's the area behind the scrotum or the area in front of it.  And should I use deodorant?  Inquiring minds want to know.

miss havisham: i think in front. that way it actually borders the dick.

miss havisham: but i am no expert

Everybody: Oh. I thought "dickpit" meant "vagina".

Gregonzola: See? Varying interpretations.

Everybody: Or the place where the spoogepilot sits.

Inspector Pooch

[14:02] fantabulous: I wasn't planning on making a regular habit of flinging my panties.
[14:12] Gregonzola: You should make a habit of it.
[14:12] fantabulous: I guess I'll have to stock up on panties.
[14:17] Gregonzola: Go to a Justin Bieber concert and collect them.
[14:17] Everybody: Dear Clan, I have a problem. I want to begin drinking now, but I need to be driving in about two hours.
[14:19] miss havisham: that is a problem.
[14:19] fantabulous: I don't know as I want panties from a Justin Bieber concert.
[14:19] miss havisham: likely underage panties.
[14:21] Everybody: I found a bra and panties in the woods today.
[14:21] Everybody: I was willing to pick up the bra, but panties are more dangerous.
[14:21] miss havisham: *did* you pick up the bra? if yes, what did you do with it?
[14:22] Everybody: Profiled its wearer.
[14:22] miss havisham: what'd you decide?
[14:23] Everybody: Moderately overweight Latina, college age to early 30s, fancies herself the adventurous type.
[14:24] fantabulous: I don't think I'd pick up any underwears found in the woods.
[14:25] miss havisham: did you keep it?
[14:25] Everybody: No, it was wet.
[14:25] Everybody: Besides, what if she's dead?
[14:26] Everybody: They were in a hurry. The park was closing soon.
[14:27] fantabulous: Despite being pictured holding up my own thong, I'd be a little embarrassed if someone found one of my bras and was all Inspector Pooch with it. 

It sounds delicious

[09:55] Everybody: The "F" in "F-1" is for "Formula" not "Fujita".
[09:55] Everybody: Also, "Fujita". Sounds like it's somewhere between a fajita and a vagina.
[09:57] Gregonzola: That sounds like a really nice place to be.
[09:58] Everybody: I always wondered if hispanic vaginas featured a hint of cilantro.
[09:58] Everybody: Cilantro is one of those polarizing things that can split a room.
[10:00] Everybody: "Caught between a fajita and a squishy place."

American Strange

[09:07] miss havisham: i used to get calls in chinese, in the middle of the night.
[09:07] miss havisham: student housing. someone didn't give his family his new #, I gathered.
[09:07] miss havisham: they probably wondered who the american woman was. i hope he didn't get in trouble.
[09:08] Gregonzola: Brown chicken brown cow.
[09:08] Gregonzola: They were proud of him.
[09:09] Shoo86: proud of butts
[09:09] Gregonzola: He was getting American strange. Who wouldn't be proud?
[09:10] miss havisham: IDK, is that supposed to be better than other varieties?
[09:12] Everybody: No, not really.
[09:12] Everybody was an international playboy.
[09:12] miss havisham: I kinda figured.
[09:12] miss havisham: er, to the first part. well, and the second too.
[09:12] Everybody: American women are more likely to swallow, but that's about it.
[09:13] Everybody: Their concept of sexuality is generally a lot more fucked up and constrained.
[09:13] Everybody: And their often too self-conscious to really get into it thoroughly.
[09:14] miss havisham: i am now picturing a chinese dude explaining this to his mom on the phone at 3 am

Grimmy needs two hands

[08:10] Everybody: Dear dogs. I need both hands to type.
[08:12] Big Daddy Grimm: dear penis, stop whining. i need one hand to type!

Wank Club

[14:23] fantabulous: Do guys actually do that? Probably.
[14:24] Gregonzola: Get blown?
[14:24] fantabulous: No. Get together just to masturbate.
[14:25] Gregonzola: No, too homoerotic for our society.
[14:25] Gregonzola: If it happens, we keep it quiet.
[14:25] miss havisham: but you can talk about it in /clan
[14:25] Gregonzola: It's like fight club but with more semen.
[14:26] Everybody: The first rule about Wank Club is you don't talk about Wank Club.
[14:26] Everybody: The second rule about Wank Club is finish first, or DUCK!

Pooch's Radio Idea

[14:30] Everybody: I wonder when the term 'buttfucking' was first used.
[14:31] Gregonzola: Time for online etymological research!
[14:34] Everybody calls "A Way With Words" and asks them on the air.
[14:34] Everybody: See, here would be the hilarious part.
[14:34] Everybody: You call them with something, they research it. Then they call you back.
[14:35] Gregonzola: They should do a podcast with no holds barred.
[14:35] Everybody: And you're on air and they're like, "So, we were looking into the origin of the phrase you requested, and it goes back to 5thcentury Greek...
[14:35] Everybody: And then I can cry BUTTFUCKING IS GREEK! I KNEW IT!
[14:35] Everybody: *click*
[14:35] Gregonzola: Haha.
[14:36] Everybody: I am sad that cellphones don't go *click* when you hang up.
[14:36] Everybody: I never know if someone hung up on purpose or their phone died.

1: Profit. 2: Fling underpants. 3: ???

miss havisham: Aw, Kolumbus stories! Did I miss many?
Everybody: The man from Nantucket.
Everybody: The wee one wrote me her own "Man from Nantucket" poem this weekend.
fantabulous: A forum post I made escalated into me auctioning off my underwear.
Everybody: Damn, Fanta.
Everybody: I wonder what I could auction off!
fantabulous: Which I took off in front of everyone.
Everybody: LOL U WHAT?
Everybody: Fanta, you, the perpetually shy? Were you drunk?
miss havisham: WHAT?
miss havisham: omg.
fantabulous: I had them on over my tights, and I had a long skirt on.
Grimmy Dusk: what the what the what????
Everybody: Waaait. Why were you wearing your underpants on the outside?
fantabulous: Because that pair was for the auction. I didn't want it flossing my butt all day.
fantabulous: No. I didn't wear them over my tights all day.
Everybody: You came here.. on a porpoise!
miss havisham: oh, so you wore them particularly in ORDER to auction them? Is there always an underwear auction?
Everybody: You'll never know, Havi.
Everybody: Because you spend your time with the hoity-toity brass-rigamorale con people.
fantabulous: No. Underwear has never been auctioned, as far as I know.
fantabulous: There's a general auction for covering the meet expenses, though.
miss havisham: I... what? Hoity-toity con people? Am I so Kol-snobby I'm unaware I'm snobby?
fantabulous: One person bid. I don't know if I should feel upset or not.
fantabulous: Also. I tried to fling them to the winner and hit billdakat in the face with them.
miss havisham: Nah, it's more than I'd expect if I put my underpants up for auction.
fantabulous: Also. These: [link] http:// www.fredericks.com/ Eyelash_Lace_Thong/ 54921,default,pd.htm l
miss havisham: Oh, man.
miss havisham: Were you at least drunk enough that it was funny and not embarrassing to hit the wrong person in the face with your underwear?
miss havisham: IS there a "drunk enough" for that?
fantabulous: Not drunk enough, but I laughed anyways.
Everybody: You hit Bill in the face?
Everybody: Now I'm VERY sad I missed this.
fantabulous: I did. Was it too bad I wasn't wearing the thong all day now?

Because Water's not Sticky

[13:50] fantabulous: Had a small water spill on my desk.
[13:50] Everybody: That's not water.

Weinermobile

[09:48] Everybody: Still weirded out.
[09:48] Everybody: Coming out of a night shift at the library and there was the Weinermobile.
[09:48] Everybody: One of the top 5 surreal things.
[09:48] NataliaM: hah, that thing was like 3 blocks from my house the other day.
[09:49] Everybody: And of course, I did what anybody else who never sleeps, works graveyard, and is paranoid as fuck did.
[09:49] Everybody: I assumed it was either e hallucination or an ambush.
[09:49] NataliaM: i was doing the international gesture for honking the horn (right fist up, pull down) but to no avail
[09:49] Everybody: Went back INTO the library, carefully went out another door and kept looking over my shoulder the whole walk home.
[09:49] Everybody: HEHEHEH.
[09:49] Everybody would totally trick that thing out with a hydraulic soaker.
[09:50] NataliaM: some guy in a hotdog outfit jumps you from behind a bush. "How about a little of this mustard, fucker!"
[09:50] Everybody: Can you imagine? You're driving along, the Weinermobile pulls up behind you and just hoses down the back of your ride.
[09:50] Everybody: Oh MAN. If hotdogmidget tried to ambush me at that point, I woulda danced on his face in the middle of Fess st.
[09:50] NataliaM: haha, like that james bond game on the old colecovision. dropping relish instead of an oil slick
[09:50] NataliaM: haha, like that james bond game on the old colecovision. dropping relish instead of an oil slick
[09:50] Everybody: There was a Bond game for Colecovision? -hic-
[09:51] Everybody: That sounds so much better than "Smurfs: Rescue at Gargamel's Castle". 

Mow Town

[09:45] NataliaM: motown pucci back again. doin' a little east coast swing
[09:45] Everybody: And when I say "mow town", I mean shaving deez nuts.
[09:47] NataliaM: park the beef bus in tuna town

Sugarless Gummy Bears can be Dangerous

Here's the link to the review:  http://www.amazon.com/review/R3FTHSH0UNRHOH/ref=cm_cr_rdp_perm?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000EVQWKC&linkCode=&nodeID=&tag=

You don't like links?  Okay, here's the text:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.

Breaking the Barrier

Piter's making it big

[07:42] Piter: gergs. I have an EP. Like a real rapper.
[07:43] Gregonzola: Saweet.
[07:43] Gregonzola: You're a real rapper!
[07:43] Gregonzola: Now you need to get Nicki Minaj to rap in the middle of one of your singles and you're golden.
[07:45] Piter: I think I'd rather swallow broken glass.
[07:45] Gregonzola: That would probably make your singing career a bit tougher.

Fanta's Impersonations

[13:24] fantabulous: Maybe I'll try that as my nametag at kolumbus.
[13:24] fantabulous: Not sure if I should go straight up for Cir Senam, or Cir Semen.
[13:25] fantabulous: Moody thought I was really Leeverb last year.
[13:27] Gregonzola: That is awesome. Fanta, you mimic other clannies like nobody's business.
[13:31] fantabulous: All I did was write "Leeverb #RAGE" on my nametag.
[13:33] Gregonzola: That'd do it. It's the Rage part that's distinctive.
[13:34] fantabulous: I didn't even talk about going to Bob Evans or Old Country Buffet or go "RAGE".
[13:36] Gregonzola: Glad you didn't go over the top.

Halloween Prep

The Wisdom of Kashieda

[12:24] kashieda: you asked Mantz "who you doin'?"
[12:25] kashieda: and he replied "yo momma"?
[12:31] Gregonzola: That's about how that exchange would go, yes.
[12:36] kashieda: thought so
[12:37] Gregonzola: You are wise.
[12:37] Gregonzola: I first noted this when you were hiding kegs and hookers from your wife.
[12:39] kashieda: i thought it better she didn't have to trip on them

We know where Mantz is

[12:05] Shoo86: yeah mantz has been MIA for a while
[12:05] Shoo86: except not really missing
[12:05] Everybody: Just "in action".
[12:05] Everybody: Which is kind of appropriate.
[12:05] Everybody: Brown chicken , brown cow.
[12:06] Shoo86: hmm
[12:06] Shoo86: we know where he is
[12:07] Gregonzola: Either working at the bar or banging a hot bar patron.
[12:07] Everybody: Or banging a drunk bar patron.
[12:07] kashieda: on the bar
[12:07] Everybody: Under the bar. Limbo!
[12:07] Everybody: Hey, Mantz, how low ... no wait, don't show us!

Hide and Seek

[10:07] miss havisham: hello /clan. does anyone know where i left my water bottle?
[10:07] miss havisham: i fear i may have taken it home on tuesday and not brought it back.
[10:09] Gregonzola: No sign of it in Sacramento.
[10:09] miss havisham: Damn.
[10:09] Gregonzola: I'm going to treat this as a reply all e-mail from one of our far flung offices.
[10:09] Everybody: No sign of it in Fanta's rear.
[10:09] miss havisham: i have the *lid*

Let's get this party started

[07:54] Gregonzola: Partay!
[07:54] Everybody: pantays! -hic-
[08:12] Gregonzola: I like Pooch's idea of a party better.
[08:12] Everybody: I do know parties.
[08:13] Gregonzola: And panties.

The Asshole War

[15:27] miss havisham: well, another perfect parent-teacher conferencein the books
[15:29] Gregonzola: Woohoo!
[15:29] miss havisham: :)
[15:30] fantabulous: I don't remember how any parent/teacher conferences went for me.
[15:31] miss havisham: i was always told "another perfect conference"
[15:31] miss havisham: so i gather they went a lot like my child's go.
[15:31] fantabulous: However. If I ever find myself with a child, I feel like I have to punch a teacher in the face at some point.
[15:31] fantabulous: Not every teacher.
[15:32] miss havisham: just one?
[15:32] miss havisham: i haven't wanted to facepunch any yet.
[15:32] miss havisham: i'm sure it's coming
[15:32] fantabulous: Possibly more than one.
[15:33] fantabulous: But at least one, as a "Things I have done as an adult" item.
[15:34] miss havisham: Ah. it's not on my list.
[15:36] miss havisham: well there was the one who told me that there was nothing she could do about the head lice epidemic
[15:36] fantabulous: I suppose I don't have to if no teachers deserve a face punch.
[15:36] miss havisham: despite my pointing out several things she could do
[15:37] miss havisham: i didn't facepunch her. i just told her that's fine, my kid would no longer bring a backpack or jacket to school since she wasn't allowed to keep them separately from other kids' stuff
[15:37] miss havisham: suddenly the rule disappeared
[15:37] miss havisham: seriously do not get into an asshole war with a woman who is sick of combing bugs out of her kid's hair
[15:38] miss havisham: i had an inexhaustible supply of asshole.