Dear Havi

Gregonzola: Oh, no. I just heard Dear Abbey died.

Gregonzola: Who's going to give us half-assed advice in a dead news medium?

Miss Havisham volunteers

Shoo86: lol

Gregonzola: Yay, Havi!

Miss Havisham: Dear Havi even sounds remarkably similar to Dear Abby

Gregonzola: Dear Havi,

Gregonzola: I once had a significant other give me anal training rods in front of family and friends.

Gregonzola: I'm not sure how I feel about this. How should I handle it?

Gregonzola: Also, what are anal training rods, really? That sounds really uncomfortable.

Miss Havisham: Gentle Reader: Although of course any gift necessitates a timely thank-you card, in an instance where a gift makes you uncomfortable (physically or emotionally) you need not display it on your mantle

Gregonzola: Oooh, good answer.

Gregonzola: You're hired. -hic-

Miss Havisham: or insert it into your anus.

Gregonzola: Answer level:  #winning!

Miss Havisham: Havi suggests that, in future, you obviate the awkwardness of this situation by simply stating, "No gifts" in your party invitations.

Miss Havisham: LOL.

Gregonzola: Dear Havi, -hic-

Gregonzola: I'm afraid my man doesn't care for me as much as I care about him.

Gregonzola: I'm considering getting pregnant to try to make him stay with me. What do you think about this plan?

Gregonzola: I don't have yellow rays. Just yellow snow.

Miss Havisham: Gentle Reader: A man is good for many things -- companionship, shared expenses, and deep dickin among them. Should you find that the man you've chosen seems less besotted with you than you are with

Gregonzola laughs out loud at the phrase "deep dickin'"

Everybody: My new porn name is Dick N. Deep.

Miss Havisham: him, your recourse is to replace him with a man who will stalk you the way you want to be stalked.