Industrial Strength

[21:04] Lena Linguine: "could you turn on my power so I can use my industrial-strength vibrator?"
[21:04] Gregonzola: I'm thinking industrial strength would be overkill.
[21:04] Gregonzola: You're looking to stimulate, not rip off. -hic-
[21:05] Shoo86: lmao
[21:05] Shoo86: SAYS YOU
[21:05] Lena Linguine: "can you turn on my power so I can use my hitachi magic wand?"
[21:05] Gregonzola: I don't know what that is, but it sounds like fun.
[21:06] Shoo86: i believe its the rolls royce of vibrators
[21:06] Lena Linguine: [link] http:// www.amazon.com/ Vibratex-HV-250R- Hitachi-Magic- Massager/dp/ B00005M1WE
[21:06] Gregonzola: Saweet!
[21:06] Gregonzola: Okay, so what makes it better than a regular vibrator?
[21:07] Lena Linguine: it's far more powerful
[21:07] Gregonzola: But will it make me waffles *while* getting me off?
[21:07] Lena Linguine: no, but your wife can't either.
[21:08] Gregonzola: I make the waffles, so I make them while she's getting me off. Division of labor, just like any good relationship.
[21:09] Lena Linguine: I wouldn't want to do that in a room with a stove.
[21:09] Lena Linguine: a hot stove
[21:09] Gregonzola: Wuss.
[21:09] Shoo86: haha
[21:09] Gregonzola: But you don't make waffles on a hot stove.
[21:10] Lena Linguine: I'd make waffles on a stove, cooking frozen ones
[21:10] Gregonzola: Those go in the toaster, silly.
[21:10] Gregonzola: And toasters are totally safe.
[21:11] Lena Linguine: I'd end up sticking my finger in the toaster accidentally
[21:11] Shoo86: >.>
[21:12] Lena Linguine: I couldn't concentrate on fucking in the kitchen (or blowing in the kitchen) and other appliances.
[21:12] Gregonzola: In the theoretical situation where I'd be making waffles, I wouldn't let you near the toaster. It'd be okay. But, we have once again confirmed that a Lena-Greg pairing wouldn't work.
[21:12] Gregonzola: Which is okay. We're both comfortable with that.
[21:13] Gregonzola: I like a little adventure and danger in my sex. I'm willing to risk burned buns for kitchen naughty.
[21:13] Shoo86: lol
[21:14] Lena Linguine: I'd fuck in the kitchen if all the appliances were unplugged.
[21:14] Shoo86 knows to never eat at greg's
[21:14] RAMONE: wat
[21:14] Shoo86: or lena's
[21:14] Gregonzola: I clean my damned counters you prude.
[21:14] Lena Linguine: shoo, there's not enough room in my kitchen.
[21:14] Gregonzola: Hey, Lee. We're discussing kitchen sex.
[21:14] Gregonzola: Lena feels the appliances are too dangerous.
[21:15] Lena Linguine: two people can't fit into my kitchen at the same time.
[21:15] RAMONE: wiping it with your butt doesn't count
[21:15] Shoo86: haha
[21:15] Lena Linguine: definitely no orgy
[21:15] Gregonzola: My ass is a freaking clorox wipe.
[21:15] RAMONE: Bleachbutt
[21:15] Gregonzola: If your floor's cleaned, there's nothing wrong with a kitchen orgy.
[21:17] Lena Linguine: I have a tiny kitchen.
[21:18] Gregonzola: Okay, so no more than three guys at once, Lena.
[21:18] Shoo86: if i hang out with any of you we are going out to eat
[21:18] Gregonzola: I love eating out.

The Shoohorn Strikes

[20:54] Lena Linguine: today I had to deal with an emotional train wreck. Why does my friend swear on the phone with the power company?
[20:55] Gregonzola: Why would you cuss at the power company? Like their customer service has any control over anything.
[20:55] Lena Linguine: because you have trouble with authority and not getting your way, I'm assuming.
[20:56] Gregonzola: Heh. Power company's not authority. They're bureaucracy.
[20:56] Shoo86: lol
[20:56] Shoo86: they have no.. power?
[20:56] Shoo86: >.>
[20:56] Lena Linguine: then she has problems with bureaucracy *and* authority.
[20:56] Gregonzola: Haha.
[20:57] Lena Linguine: I've never heard anyone say the word fuck more often on a phone call.
[20:58] Shoo86: then youve never called a good phonesex line

Oddly Specific

[08:48] MISS HAVISHAM: "Hi, Pooch. Can I serve you a cup of blood or a danish?"
[08:48] Lena Linguine: I don't have a cup of blood or a danish for him.
[08:49] MISS HAVISHAM: well, whatever you have on hand. i was just using examples from my life, ok.  
[08:49] Lena Linguine: I don't have danishes in the house.
[08:50] MISS HAVISHAM: fine, then offer dust bunnies or a jelly dong. i don't know that pooch is super picky.    

We need to help Lena

[20:59] PizzaDaHutt: hos everyone?
[20:59] Gregonzola: Yes, please.
[21:00] Pa amb Tomaquet: I can't afford one.

April 1st

[14:32] Miss Havisham: i forgot colors happened earlier when lena was talking but now greg has them
[14:32] Pa amb Tomaquet: yes. Have you seen some of the online april fool's stuff?
[14:32] Miss Havisham: i feed whole milk to my underweight kid
[14:32] Miss Havisham: no, i don't like april fool's
[14:33] Gregonzola: I have what now?
[14:33] Pa amb Tomaquet: I just saw a skill called "Play Hog Fiddle."
[14:33] Miss Havisham: Gregonzola: Heh. Does anyone still use whole milk?
[14:33] Miss Havisham: the "use" is a teal color
[14:33] Miss Havisham: the "milk" is gray
[14:33] Miss Havisham: WHY
[14:34] Pa amb Tomaquet: I like the changing colors
[14:34] Miss Havisham: tomato toast: awesome. So, there's all sorts of cleaning supplies under the sink.
[14:34] Pa amb Tomaquet: My favorite april fool's joke is Google Nose.
[14:34] Pa amb Tomaquet: Havi, I saw that on different posts
[14:34] Miss Havisham: all - teal. sorts - lilac. the - navy. sink - pink
[14:34] Miss Havisham: what doe sit mean?
[14:41] Pa amb Tomaquet: I dunno. I've seen some awesome colored chat though.
[14:42] Miss Havisham: if it's april fool's day related it seems kind of... abstract
[14:42] Miss Havisham: but i like it.
[14:42] fantabulous: In the navy.
[14:43] Gregonzola: Oh, I can't see that at all. I'm in Mafia.
[14:43] Gregonzola: Proper black and white.
[14:43] Pa amb Tomaquet: you're in the Mafia?
[14:49] Gregonzola: Yes.
[14:49] Gregonzola: I'm a Made Man. You'd think I'd have the money to buy Mr. As, but I spend it all on really nice suits and horse heads.
[14:50] Pa amb Tomaquet: just don't stick the horsehead in my bed.
[14:50] Gregonzola: Don't worry. You haven't upset the family. You're safe.
[14:51] Pa amb Tomaquet: good. I don't want to beat a dead horse.
[14:53] Miss Havisham: or cuddle one
[14:53] Gregonzola: Either doesn't sound like a lot of fun.
[14:53] Pa amb Tomaquet: I have a small horse plushie somewhere, for when I'm feeling a little horse.    

Great Work if you can Get It

KrakMunky69: you can always get that boob booze that was poured over a models tits

Miss Havisham: krak, i almost to ask for a link but i can't look at that at work so

Miss Havisham: i'll just imagine why. WHY.

Gregonzola: [link] http:// www.youtube.com/ watch? feature=player_embed ded&v=ngQKnc9tZeE

screechpowers: because when i drink alcohol i think.. hmm.. this needs a stranger's dead skin in it

Miss Havisham: right!!

KrakMunky69: it's super expensive and disgustingly unsanitary

screechpowers: this would be perfect if it had some dead skin cells floating in it

ham Salad sAndWich: I just fell asleep in the dog's bed

screechpowers: this is bad

Gregonzola: New porn idea.

Gregonzola: Mantz in the dog's bed.

GrimmSpoon: that explains why the farts smelled worse mantzy

kLimtOG: Well, now you have to get married

KrakMunky69: but the bottle has a little picture of the model whose tits were in your booze screech

Gregonzola: No, that's going nowhere.

screechpowers: hahaha

Miss Havisham: lol mantz

KrakMunky69: there is a whole video of the process on their site

KrakMunky69: NSFW [link] http:// www.gspirits.com/

ham Salad sAndWich: I was just cuddling Rigby because she's all punky and sad and I fell asleep there

jesabele: why is she sad?

screechpowers: aw, is rigby feeling bad?

ham Salad sAndWich: she was sick

jesabele: [link] http://imgur.com/ J2nnz

ham Salad sAndWich: she's getting better

ham Salad sAndWich: also, lol gspirits

Shoo86: lol gspirits and jes

screechpowers: annnd all the guys have heard of it before

Miss Havisham: of course.

Leeverb: something is wrong with me

ham Salad sAndWich: Krak told me about it before

tomato toast: something new, verb?

Shoo86: yeah i remmeber krak mentioning this

Shoo86: never saw the site tho

Shoo86: is that expensive?

Shoo86: i cant tell

KrakMunky69: yea, very

Gregonzola: Well, the important part is the pouring over tits, which improves the flavor. -hic-

Gregonzola: Especially if they haven't showered and were Jell-O wrestling.

tomato toast groans

Shoo86: lol

screechpowers: wait wait, expensive?

screechpowers: how much is this stuff selling for?

ham Salad sAndWich: the making of video is softcore porn

Shoo86: haha

KrakMunky69: 1/2 liter is $172

tomato toast: that's a titload of money

Armed and Dangerous

Shoo86: that reminds me, tell your wife and sister i had a lovely time last night

Miss Havisham: my ass and your face, shoo

Gregonzola: Holy crap. When people snap, they snap: [link] http://www.kmov.com/home/Missouri-man-accused-of-dismembering-body-throwing-body-parts-at-witnesses-186308522.html

Shoo86: havi dont threaten me with a good time

Miss Havisham: I wouldn't know a good time if it... bit me on the ass

Miss Havisham: god i'm hilarious

screechpowers: maybe someone asked him for a hand with something

Shoo86: haha

Lena Linguine: or he decided to exercise his right to bear arms.

screechpowers: hahaha

Miss Havisham: lol you guys -hic-

screechpowers: maybe he wanted to get a leg up on the cops

Lena Linguine: his neighbors must have known something was afoot.

screechpowers: hahahaha

Lena Linguine: Oh, what a man has to do to get ahead.

Everybody: To get head. Indeed.

screechpowers: gives a new meaning to throwing your back out

Lena Linguine: Pooch, hopefully getting head doesn't involve blood, and if it does, you're doing it wrong.

Everybody: The rest of you are wussies, then, Lena.

Miss Havisham: hey, just cause it's not your kink doesn't mean pooch isn't into it

Everybody: Your kink may not be my kink, and that means YOUR KINK IS WROOOOOONG.

Everybody: Wait, is Krak here? :)

Lena Linguine: I haven't found my kink yet.

Miss Havisham: aw man, he wishes he were

Gregonzola: He was going to have a bagel and watch Youtube.

ham Salad sAndWich: I thought he said a smoke and a pancake

Gregonzola: Haha.

Gregonzola: Nice, Mantz.

ham Salad sAndWich: speaking of food, i need it.

Lena Linguine: as do I.

Gregonzola: Go forth, young Mantz. Secure you some provender.

Shoo86: lol

Everybody: OMFG, I want some fucking pancakes.

Lena Linguine: I also want some fucking pancakes.

Lena Linguine: With extra fucking.

Everybody: And extra syrup?

Lena Linguine: I could never fuck a pancake though.

Lena Linguine: Maybe sausage.

Miss Havisham: strap on a sausage of your own, lena

Gregonzola: You can just roll up a pancake. Problem solved.

Lena Linguine: strap it on and fuck with it? I'd need to go get a harness.