The Client List

[12:54] blazikeaton: This room is too boring.
[12:54] blazikeaton: ACTIVATE RANDOM POWERS!!!
[12:54] Gregonzola: Sorry, Blazi. What do you like to talk about?
[12:54] blazikeaton: I AM A BANANA.
[12:54] lord_wyrme31: Greg is just trying to curry favor from you, I ignore such frivolous actions
[12:54] Gregonzola: I don't want to talk about your banana.
[12:55] blazikeaton: lololololololololol
[12:55] Gregonzola: Or curry banana.
[12:55] Gregonzola: Which sounds awful.
[12:55] miss havisham: ew
[12:55] Gun_Mage: eewwww
[12:55] miss havisham: that does sound awful
[12:55] blazikeaton: HOLY SHIIT HE IS NOT A NINJA!!!
[12:55] Gregonzola is a ninja secret agent platypus
[12:55] blazikeaton starts waving his arms in an impossible manner.
[12:55] xTyrx starts following Greg around and making secret agent themed sound effects
[12:56] Gregonzola: Sweet. Now I have my own bard.
[12:56] SindeeTots: I'd eat a curry banana for money
[12:56] Gregonzola: Sindee is braver than I am.
[12:56] Gun_Mage: sindee, youd do ANYTHING for money
[12:56] Gun_Mage: ANYTHING
[12:56] Gun_Mage: A
[12:56] Gun_Mage: N
[12:56] Gun_Mage: Y
[12:56] Gun_Mage: T
[12:56] Gun_Mage: H
[12:56] Gun_Mage: I
[12:56] Gun_Mage: N -hic-
[12:56] Gun_Mage: G
[12:56] lord_wyrme31: Please to not spam chat, kthnxbai
[12:56] SindeeTots: just throw it in my mouth
[12:56] Gregonzola: Um, you know, suggesting she'd do anything for money might give people certain notions.
[12:56] Gun_Mage: "anythung"
[12:56] miss havisham: You have arrived, Greg
[12:57] Gun_Mage: greg, watch this
[12:57] blazikeaton: OHO!
[12:57] Gun_Mage: hey sindee!
[12:57] lord_wyrme31: You don't know Sindee very well then Greg lol
[12:57] SindeeTots: nowdy
[12:57] Gun_Mage: would you do anything for money?
[12:57] SindeeTots: howdy
[12:57] Gregonzola: Also, who is "Anything" and why is the client list so short?  
[12:57] SindeeTots: of course, I have no morals
[12:57] lord_wyrme31: It's because anything has a big penis    

Oh, just put that anywhere

[13:44] jesabele: I don't even know what you are talking about but I have a wide variety of preferences
[13:45] miss havisham: well, was talking about food but go ahead and take it another place if you like
[13:50] jesabele: "go ahead and take it another place if you like." I have said that before

That's Clan

[12:44] miss havisham: what did i miss
[12:44] miss havisham: scrolling, looks like crimbo and lesbians, so, about what I'd expect

Let's go golfing

[08:31] miss havisham: so. yesterday a homeless man threw his cup of change at me.
[08:31] miss havisham: today i got into work and had a voicemail urging me to bring in my golf cart to be serviced.
[08:31] miss havisham: i do not own a golf cart.

Hope for the boneless

[08:23] Everybody: Schlovia won't give me her mom's phone number, even though her mom lives right around the corner. How rude!
[08:25] RAMONE logged on.
[08:25] RAMONE: ./|\V//^\v/.l|./|\V/ /^\v/.l|./|\V//^\v/ .l|./|\V//^\v/.l|./ |\V//^\v/.l|./|\V// ^\v/.l|./|\V//^\v/ .l|./|\V//^\v/.l|./ |\V//^\v/.l|./|\V// ^\v/.l|./|\V//^\v/ .l|./|\V//^\v/.l|./ |\V//^\v/.l|./|\V// ^\v/.l|./|\
[08:25] Everybody: Wtf, Ram-one? It's like being spammed with alphabetic vaginas.
[08:25] RAMONE: _-.L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_- .L|_l_-.L|_l_-.L
[08:26] RAMONE: You would be a blast to watch interpreting the Rorschach test
[08:26] Everybody: Rorscheisse test.
[08:26] RAMONE: "MOTH VAGINA!" "TWO FACES AND A VAGINA!"
[08:26] RAMONE: REFLECTION OF A VAGINA!
[08:27] miss havisham: schlovia's mom's vagina!
[08:27] miss havisham: just go knock on doors, pooch
[08:27] Everybody: "Ding-dong, ding dong calling."
[08:27] RAMONE: wtf is a schlovia y/n
[08:27] RAMONE: haha
[08:28] miss havisham: idk, i'm taking pooch's word that it's a thing
[08:28] Everybody: Not taking the baaaaait.
[08:28] miss havisham: oh lee, i had a beer with lassaebola this weekend. She said "ugh, lee" but was smiling while she said it
[08:28] Everybody: Did you bend her over?
[08:29] RAMONE: She's funny
[08:29] RAMONE: Me? Yes.
[08:29] Everybody: She walks funny. After Havi bends her over.
[08:29] RAMONE: Oh you meant havi
[08:30] RAMONE: No, I didn't bend havi over
[08:30] RAMONE: oh you meant lassa
[08:30] RAMONE: yes
[08:30] RAMONE: full circle
[08:31] Everybody: + jerk.
[08:31] miss havisham: Yes we just bent each other over and then were like "huh, what now?"
[08:31] miss havisham: cause, no penises.
[08:31] Everybody: Pick up the phone.. call Ramone!
[08:31] miss havisham: so we stood back up and finished our beers
[08:31] Everybody sings a little jingle.
[08:31] RAMONE: [link] http:// www.youtube.com/ watch?v=95GD87CRve0
[08:31] Everybody: "You and your lady got no bone. Pick up your phone and -call Ramone-!"

Good Math

[12:06] miss havisham: "When you X, I felt Y.  In the future, please consider Z instead."
[12:09] Everybody: Where X = {me up} and Y={turned on} and Z={just bending me over}.

Saddle Up

[11:31] miss havisham: so pooch is going pantsless mountain man, that's what i heard
[11:32] Everybody: I'm not mounting any men.
[11:33] Shoo86: lol
[11:34] miss havisham: well, there goes that dream

Butts

[11:11] miss havisham: shoo <3s butt drugs
[11:12] Gregonzola: Naturally. Hence the fascination with butts.
[11:27] Everybody: Jesus. My workgroup is going to be the guinea pigs for desktop video conferencing in-house.
[11:28] Gregonzola: Hawt.
[11:28] Gregonzola: Remember, just because there's a camera doesn't mean you have to finish with a money shot one someone's face. -hic-
[11:28] Everybody: Redonkulous. Now I'll have to wear clothes and shave EVEN IF I AM NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR WEEKS.
[11:28] Gregonzola: That's corporate fascism for you.
[11:29] Shoo86: did someone say butts?

Shoo - The God of Member

10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: i was looking for the threesome story on the blog, but i got caught up reading the trolling of kelti post instead...
[10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: gotta love the classics
[10:25] Shoo86: ugh kelti
[10:25] Shoo86: no idea how kelti managed a commendation
[10:25] Shoo86: well i do.. an underplayed class act 1
[10:25] Shoo86: but kelti spews the dumbest shit in there ethat makes no sense
[10:26] Shoo86: has no idea how to speed run and then is giving advice to people
[10:26] Shoo86: its like really.. stfu you have no idea what youre saying
[10:26] Shoo86: my fastest HC run is faster than your fastest SC
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: smack her with your e-peen shoo
[10:26] Shoo86: and youre just giving blatently bad info
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: she can get an E-concussion
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: and ask her "who is your dad-E"
[10:26] miss havisham logged on.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: hey havi, we are talkign about shoo pummeling kelti with his e-penis
[10:27] miss havisham: ...
[10:27] miss havisham: hawt
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: Shoo is the E-peen equivalent to Thor
[10:27] miss havisham: on that note i'm gonna log out again
[10:27] Shoo86: well, grimmy is talking about it
[10:27] Shoo86: lol
[10:27] miss havisham logged off.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: he will even name his penis Mjolnir
[10:28] Big Daddy Grimm: and the tattoo on the side will say :If any chick, be she worthy, or just very hot, shall weild the penis of SHOO"
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: she really logged out. lucklily I have blog posting abilities...
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: which kinda makes me more like Heimdal.
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: I can see Shoo's E-peen all the way from ASSGARD

'Tis the Season

[14:40] zweitracht: Every kiss begins during kay?
[14:41] Gregonzola: Latin kisses begin with B. Besos!
[14:42] zweitracht: Aaaah, Mexican hookers. *sigh*
[14:44] miss havisham: *makes a christmas list for Pooch*
[14:50] zweitracht: 14-inch dildos with straps of elastic / form-fitting underwear made of clear plastic / 5'4 women a-drunken and coy / these are a few of my favorite toyyyys
[14:52] miss havisham: i knew there was a way to get him into the Christmas spirit. Dildos.

It's all about expectations

[13:55] miss havisham: ok, well.
[13:55] miss havisham: Havi got everything she wanted out of THAT meeting.
[13:55] miss havisham: Next!
[14:09] miss havisham logged off.
[14:09] Everybody: You got oral sex?
[14:10] fantabulous: Man. Oral sex from a meeting just sounds awful.
[14:14] Gregonzola: Depends on the meeting.

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

[11:36] miss havisham: Aw, we found a friend for Pooch on the internet
[11:36] miss havisham: that or a rival. not sure

It's Skippy!

Skippy’s List: The 213 things Skippy is no longer allowed to do in the U.S. Army

Niaga yad nrop yag

[12:32] RAMONE logged on.
[12:32] jesabele: GET OUT
[12:32] MafOOsalah: AND IN AND OUT
[12:33] RAMONE: penisbutt
[12:35] jesabele: NO U
[12:36] RAMONE: asspenisbutt
[12:36] MafOOsalah: RamOne in the AssButt.
[12:37] miss havisham: oh my. it's gay porn day in one sec again! yay!
[12:37] RAMONE: gay porn is nrop yag backwards

Replacement Dicks

[08:40] Everybody: Oh, they can ship me a replacement, but it won't get here until the 2nd.
[08:40] Everybody: Thanks for fucking things up even more fo rme, Walmart.
[08:40] Gregonzola: Dicks.
[08:40] miss havisham: A replacement what, Pooch?
[08:41] miss havisham: A replacement dick from Walmart? Huh. They really do have everything.

Asshattery

[07:43] miss havisham: also i realized i have an aweosme hat
[07:43] miss havisham: i don't know where i got it but it was in my inventory
[07:48] Gregonzola: My favorite is still the asshat. I wish it were more powerful.
[07:49] miss havisham: i like to make them for no particular reason
[07:50] miss havisham: it just brings me a little joy
[08:02] Gregonzola: Making them is fun.
[08:03] Gregonzola: Maybe if you could wrap an asshat in duct tape.
[08:03] miss havisham: what would it be then?
[08:05] Everybody: Gerbilling hat.

The Way of the Surprising Fisting

[09:43] Gregonzola: Crimbo is good for leveling with hard monsters.
[09:46] miss havisham: maybe i'll hit 30 by next crimbo
[09:46] miss havisham: i think around 21 in my first ascension i got STINKING BORED and asked shoo to help me level up andthen it went faster ;)
[09:48] Gregonzola: You know, this is where Mafia would help you. Just let it attack a hard area for you day after day.
[09:48] miss havisham: first I'd have to learn how to do that -hic-
[09:48] miss havisham: and learn what a hard area is
[09:48] Everybody: I'll show ya. -hic-
[09:49] miss havisham: I thought you were idle :)
[09:49] Everybody: I'm like the NSA, I'm always on the line.
[09:50] miss havisham: beep beep
[09:53] miss havisham: next time i ascend i am going to talk to shoo first. or someone.
[10:01] MafOOsalah: You should go master of the surprising fisting.
[10:01] miss havisham: I think your hands are better suited for it.
[10:01] miss havisham: Oh, wait.
[10:02] MafOOsalah: They ARE surprising!

Shoo's Holiday Plans

[10:39] Big Daddy Grimm: where is shoo?
[10:40] miss havisham: good question
[10:40] Gregonzola: Shoo's out trying to convince idiots who still believe in the divine to abandon their faith before Christmas.
[10:41] Gregonzola: And punting baby Jesuses out of nativity scenes.
[10:41] miss havisham: he's standing behind bell-ringers giving out candy canes to people who DON'T drop their change in the bucket
[10:42] jesabele: hahaha
[10:43] Gregonzola: Kicking priests in the junk. 

check twice, flush once

Gregonzola: I'm mildly OCD in some ways. Before I throw stuff out I check it several times.  kashieda solves that by not throwing things away
kashieda: which is... not great
 miss havisham: this is why i like living with other humans.
 miss havisham: "will you check to make sure this is the one i mean to throw away?"
 miss havisham: "Yes, Mom."
 MafOOsalah: Huh?
 MafOOsalah: You have someone double check everything you throw away?
 MafOOsalah: I hope this doesn't apply to toilet paper.

One Sec's Toy Story: You are a friend in me...

[16:28] fantabulous: I was going to say that I don't own any purple toys. Then I remembered that I do.
[16:29] miss havisham: I don't own any toys at all.
[16:29] Big Daddy Grimm: how far deep in your toybox do you have it hidden that you forgot about it?
[16:31] fantabulous: I just haven't used them for a while. They're not floppy purple dongs, which is what I was thinking of.
[16:32] miss havisham: "purple toy" is practically synonymous with "floppy purple dong" in /clan
[16:32] Big Daddy Grimm: its a macro

Havi's Penis Chronicles Part the third: Home Delivery

[15:22] Everybody: Werepenis of London again!
[15:41] miss havisham: i gotta go all the way to london to get dick? damn.
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: havi
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: you are a woman
[15:41] Big Daddy Grimm: getting dick should be just as easy, if not easier, than ordering out for pizza.
[15:42] Big Daddy Grimm: hell, if porn has taught me anything, you get both at the same time if you want
[15:42] miss havisham: oh. but see above re: women being picky
[15:42] miss havisham: i only like very specific dick. i'm much pickier about dick than pizza.
[15:43] Everybody: Havi has a strict rule of not banging people in her own time zone.
[15:43] miss havisham: I try to be accommodating
[15:43] Big Daddy Grimm: her sex is THAT good that it affects timezones?
[15:44] Everybody: HEY, /CLAN, HAVI IS GOING TO ACCOMODATE US.
[15:45] miss havisham: not all of you, jeez.
[15:45] miss havisham: I SAID I WAS PICKY