Saddle Up

[11:31] miss havisham: so pooch is going pantsless mountain man, that's what i heard
[11:32] Everybody: I'm not mounting any men.
[11:33] Shoo86: lol
[11:34] miss havisham: well, there goes that dream

Butts

[11:11] miss havisham: shoo <3s butt drugs
[11:12] Gregonzola: Naturally. Hence the fascination with butts.
[11:27] Everybody: Jesus. My workgroup is going to be the guinea pigs for desktop video conferencing in-house.
[11:28] Gregonzola: Hawt.
[11:28] Gregonzola: Remember, just because there's a camera doesn't mean you have to finish with a money shot one someone's face. -hic-
[11:28] Everybody: Redonkulous. Now I'll have to wear clothes and shave EVEN IF I AM NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE FOR WEEKS.
[11:28] Gregonzola: That's corporate fascism for you.
[11:29] Shoo86: did someone say butts?

Shoo - The God of Member

10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: i was looking for the threesome story on the blog, but i got caught up reading the trolling of kelti post instead...
[10:19] Big Daddy Grimm: gotta love the classics
[10:25] Shoo86: ugh kelti
[10:25] Shoo86: no idea how kelti managed a commendation
[10:25] Shoo86: well i do.. an underplayed class act 1
[10:25] Shoo86: but kelti spews the dumbest shit in there ethat makes no sense
[10:26] Shoo86: has no idea how to speed run and then is giving advice to people
[10:26] Shoo86: its like really.. stfu you have no idea what youre saying
[10:26] Shoo86: my fastest HC run is faster than your fastest SC
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: smack her with your e-peen shoo
[10:26] Shoo86: and youre just giving blatently bad info
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: she can get an E-concussion
[10:26] Big Daddy Grimm: and ask her "who is your dad-E"
[10:26] miss havisham logged on.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: hey havi, we are talkign about shoo pummeling kelti with his e-penis
[10:27] miss havisham: ...
[10:27] miss havisham: hawt
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: Shoo is the E-peen equivalent to Thor
[10:27] miss havisham: on that note i'm gonna log out again
[10:27] Shoo86: well, grimmy is talking about it
[10:27] Shoo86: lol
[10:27] miss havisham logged off.
[10:27] Big Daddy Grimm: he will even name his penis Mjolnir
[10:28] Big Daddy Grimm: and the tattoo on the side will say :If any chick, be she worthy, or just very hot, shall weild the penis of SHOO"
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: she really logged out. lucklily I have blog posting abilities...
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: which kinda makes me more like Heimdal.
[10:29] Big Daddy Grimm: I can see Shoo's E-peen all the way from ASSGARD

You and me both, Shoo.

Shoo86: Sorry, you don't seem to be cool enough to have a whitelist for a clan like 'sex'.

What kind of pussy wouldn't flush a steak?

[15:15] Gregonzola: But we know Pooch. He bows to no demands!
[15:15] SyDNEY REBIK logged on.
[15:16] Gregonzola: He's like a chimpanzee grabbing the boobs of supermodels. No one can stop him. He has no limits.
[15:17] SyDNEY REBIK: i agree.
[15:18] Shoo86: evenin nerds
[15:19] SyDNEY REBIK: Hello Shoo86. Pleasure to meet you.
[15:19] Gregonzola: Shoo's kind of like a chimp, but his no limits actually refers only to flushing things. -hic-
[15:19] Gregonzola: There is nothing Shoo won't flush.
[15:23] Shoo86: syd <3
[15:24] SyDNEY REBIK: back off creeper

Havi's Penis Chronicles. Part the first

[10:09] miss havisham: hello /clan
[10:09] Everybody: Hello, doens't blow hard enough!
[10:10] miss havisham: i'll show you hard enough
[10:11] Everybody: Like a big bad wolf?
[10:11] miss havisham: More like... zebralicious
[10:11] miss havisham: i mean, what?
[10:12] Everybody: Did you ever find out if zebradicks are striped?
[10:13] miss havisham: well, yahoo! answers tells me that a zebra's genitals are all-black.
[10:13] Everybody: Once you go zebra. -hic-
[10:18] Shoo86: hi
[10:18] Shoo86: oooh
[10:18] Shoo86: now i get it
[10:18] Shoo86: havi did spirometry
[10:18] Everybody: YOUR MOM?
[10:18] Shoo86: fuck, train time i gotta run
[10:18] Shoo86: see you all later
[10:18] Everybody: Whut? But I want to play with the spirograph too!
[10:19] miss havisham: spirometry what
[10:19] miss havisham: WHAT DID I DO
[10:19] Everybody: 'spiro' is breath, dear.
[10:19] miss havisham: ooooooh
[10:19] miss havisham: shoo's catching up on my medical drama, got it

American Strange

[09:07] miss havisham: i used to get calls in chinese, in the middle of the night.
[09:07] miss havisham: student housing. someone didn't give his family his new #, I gathered.
[09:07] miss havisham: they probably wondered who the american woman was. i hope he didn't get in trouble.
[09:08] Gregonzola: Brown chicken brown cow.
[09:08] Gregonzola: They were proud of him.
[09:09] Shoo86: proud of butts
[09:09] Gregonzola: He was getting American strange. Who wouldn't be proud?
[09:10] miss havisham: IDK, is that supposed to be better than other varieties?
[09:12] Everybody: No, not really.
[09:12] Everybody was an international playboy.
[09:12] miss havisham: I kinda figured.
[09:12] miss havisham: er, to the first part. well, and the second too.
[09:12] Everybody: American women are more likely to swallow, but that's about it.
[09:13] Everybody: Their concept of sexuality is generally a lot more fucked up and constrained.
[09:13] Everybody: And their often too self-conscious to really get into it thoroughly.
[09:14] miss havisham: i am now picturing a chinese dude explaining this to his mom on the phone at 3 am

We know where Mantz is

[12:05] Shoo86: yeah mantz has been MIA for a while
[12:05] Shoo86: except not really missing
[12:05] Everybody: Just "in action".
[12:05] Everybody: Which is kind of appropriate.
[12:05] Everybody: Brown chicken , brown cow.
[12:06] Shoo86: hmm
[12:06] Shoo86: we know where he is
[12:07] Gregonzola: Either working at the bar or banging a hot bar patron.
[12:07] Everybody: Or banging a drunk bar patron.
[12:07] kashieda: on the bar
[12:07] Everybody: Under the bar. Limbo!
[12:07] Everybody: Hey, Mantz, how low ... no wait, don't show us!

I love libraries

[11:32] Gregonzola: I love libraries. -hic-
[11:34] NataliaM: heh
[11:35] Gregonzola: I'm pretty sure with the internet, public libraries mostly exist now so that the homeless have a place to wash their junk, should they be so inclined.
[11:35] Gregonzola: "Huh. Junk's dirty again. Don't remember how that happened. Guess I'd better get to the library."
[11:35] NataliaM: yeah, that's one thing that makes me sad about the rise of the internet- libraries are a casualty
[11:36] NataliaM: that and for losers to download porn in public
[11:37] Shoo86: whats a library?
[11:38] NataliaM: it's a type of bathroom for the homeless.

Pee and Jesa

[13:10] Everybody: Pee kills bacteria.
[13:11] Gregonzola: I think pee is actually just aseptic, not antiseptic, which is why UTIs can happen.
[13:11] Everybody: Ahh. You know, I expect whatever the active beastie is in UTIs is just more acid-resistant than most.
[13:11] Shoo86: and its not even really aseptic
[13:11] Shoo86: but yes, greg
[13:12] Everybody: So, I propose an experiment.
[13:12] Everybody: Someone get me a UTI culture.
[13:12] Everybody: I'm going to take 3 mason jars and fill them with fluids at different pHs.
[13:12] Everybody: I have a little magnetic stirring plate thingy, even! Woofun!
[13:12] Gregonzola: This sounds like a good time. I'm coming over. I'll bring Jesa.
[13:12] Everybody: We will need a temperature control.. I've got a few little home-mdae incubators.. never tried to get them up to bodytemp, but we'll see.
[13:13] Everybody: How about you just come over Jesa? That's a good time.
[13:13] Gregonzola: Okay, can do.
[13:13] Shoo86: whats the experiment exactly? lol
[13:13] Everybody: Oh, we're seeing what pH range the infectious agent in a UTI prefers.
[13:13] Gregonzola: Oh, Shoo's fancy. He wants you to formalize a hypothesis.
[13:13] Gregonzola: Good experiment. Let's do it.
[13:13] Everybody: This is really just an excuse to get Jesa and urine together.
[13:13] Everybody: (Shh!)

We don't really clean up for company

[15:40] Shoo86: im recruiting help for dread
[15:40] Shoo86: so heads up theres gonna be visitors
[15:41] Gregonzola: Roger that, we'll stop talking about dicks.
[15:41] fantabulous: I certainly will not.

Sure does

[20:24] Shoo86: 10 sounds brutal on the cervix

How to Crap on a Desk

[11:30] Everybody: Somehow, the words that popped out were "relieved" and "on my desk".
[11:30] Everybody: Which I'm a fan of right now.
[11:30] Shoo86: lol
[11:31] Gregonzola: Haha. Some days, I'd be willing.
[11:31] Everybody: You can work your way up to it.
[11:31] Everybody: Start by taking a bottle on your desk, and peeing into it.
[11:31] Everybody: Once you do that a few times, move up to a coffee cup. (Someone else's.)
[11:32] Everybody: On to the wastebasket ....
[11:32] Everybody: And finally, when by default you're urinating in your wastebasket instead of the bathroom, just piss on the desk.
[11:32] Everybody: Take all the paper that sopped it up, throw it away. See that you survived it.
[11:32] Everybody: Ok. So. Urination? Check. Now we move up to defecation. -hic-
[11:33] Everybody: You've already accepted that the wastebasket is for human waste, so just squat over that.
[11:33] Everybody: Pretty natural, right? Has a lid, closes, out of sight, out of mind.
[11:33] Everybody: Even has a bag you can tie the poop up in.
[11:34] Everybody: From there, get a vinyl chair. You can either practice crapping on to a chair (flat surface! new) or go directly to standing on the chair and squatting on a desk. -hic-
[11:34] Everybody: Again, having some papers down helps. Knowing that cleanup is a breeze will make you more likely to follow through.
[11:34] Everybody: NOW. NOW PROCEED TO YOUR BOSS' OFFICE.
[11:35] Everybody: Remember that "cleanup is a breeze", because someone else will do the cleanup.
[11:35] Everybody: Pull up the hot seat, jump up on it as if the floor were hot lava, then dump a hot steamer on his/her desk.
[11:35] Everybody: Run like a motherfucker.
[11:36] Everybody: Okay, so, adrenaline's high right now. This is your first field mission and it went well.
[11:36] Everybody: You've got to consider plausible deniability. So take another deuce on someone ELSE'S boss' desk.
[11:37] Gregonzola: Ah, good idea.
[11:37] Gregonzola: I should go on another boss's desk first.
[11:37] Everybody: It's nowhere near as fulfilling, and if you get busted then, you'll never get a second shot.
[11:37] Everybody: Oo. But you know.
[11:37] Everybody: As a warm up.
[11:38] Everybody: You could pre-crap in a bag, empty that on the other boss's desk.
[11:38] Shoo86: lol, you guys
[11:38] Everybody: That's a pretty quick delivery. There's no way they're going to catch on to you before you make the real hit.
[11:39] Everybody: Unless they've got one of those laser-thermometers and a book on differential equations handy, they'll probably never realize that you took the first dump hours before.
[11:41] Everybody: I'm going to write the pamphlet, and it's going to be called "GIVE IT BACK -- You take crap all day, it's time to return the favor!" -hic-
[11:42] Everybody hmms. "The Complete Deskcrapper"? "You're Number 1, They're Number 2"?
[11:42] Everybody: "An Immodest Proposal"?

Piter's Meatballs are The Shit

[09:23] Piter: eat a sandbag
[09:23] Gregonzola: I don't think I will.
[09:24] Piter: please?
[09:24] Piter: it's delicious
[09:24] Piter: tastes like apple juice and HORSES
[09:24] miss havisham: I'm gonna pass.
[09:24] Shoo86: hey piter
[09:24] Gregonzola: No passing if it's like apple juice AND horses. I'm having some.
[09:24] miss havisham: oh, i thought that said "apple piss"
[09:24] Piter: Haldo, Shoose.
[09:24] miss havisham: apple JUICE, i'll think about.
[09:25] Shoo86: apple juice and horses? you'd love eating at ikea
[09:25] Gregonzola does
[09:26] Piter: YOU BET
[09:26] Piter: omnom
[09:26] Piter: actually, I've never eaten at Ikea, but my Swedish meatballs are the shit
[09:26] Piter: which was almost "Swedish metaballs"
[09:26] miss havisham: what did i miss
[09:26] Gregonzola: You know, whenever people say food is "the shit" I suddenly lose all desire to try it.
[09:26] miss havisham: i accidentally left chat. again.
[09:27] Gregonzola: I may visualize too much.
[09:27] miss havisham: i feel that way about "the tits"
[09:27] miss havisham: more than "the shit"
[09:27] miss havisham: i wonder if i am a deeply disturbed human.
[09:27] Gregonzola: You associate tits and shit? No wonder you don't like them. Also, we need to talk about your childhood.
[09:27] Piter: well, it's delicious.
[09:27] Gregonzola: Shit?
[09:27] Gregonzola: I'm gonna take your word on that.

Dangerous Havi

[09:42] miss havisham logged off.
[09:42] Everybody: That's right, lady, you run! You log off! We'll get you!
[09:43] Shoo86: haha
[09:46] Gregonzola: She scares me She could cut a guy.
[09:46] Gregonzola: She's 5 feet with pure fury.
[09:46] Gregonzola: And hair.
[09:48] Gregonzola: I'm making upon Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[09:48] Gregonzola: She should probably wear leather if she's going from be Dangerous.
[09:49] Everybody: Lol, she's taller than 5'.
[09:49] Everybody: Hmm. No, I just can't imagine her in leather.
[09:49] Gregonzola: Oh, sure. Ruin imaginary Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[09:49] Everybody: Waaait, yes I can.
[09:49] Gregonzola: She wouldn't cut you, either.
[09:49] Everybody: I can't see it HAPPENING, but I can sure imagine it.
[09:49] Gregonzola: Heh.
[09:58] Everybody: New goal: get Havi to cut me.
[09:58] Gregonzola: She won't.
[09:58] Gregonzola: She's not actually dangerous.
[09:58] Everybody: I have a special talent for making women violent.
[09:59] Everybody: Chicks who have never punched anyone in their life punch me. :)
[10:10] Everybody: So, Havi, we wanted to know.. how do you feel about dressing up in leather?
[10:11] miss havisham: um, like a nice leather jacket? I'd be okay with that.
[10:11] Gregonzola: You're talking to real Havi. I was making up imaginary Dangerous Havi. -hic-
[10:11] Everybody: Boots? Pants?
[10:11] miss havisham: Leather shoes, also cool
[10:11] Everybody: She might be a Havi girl in a Havi world.
[10:11] miss havisham: I don't enjoy boots at all, no matter the material
[10:11] miss havisham: my toes clamor to be free
[10:11] Everybody: Oh.
[10:12] miss havisham: i'd consider leather pants, in the right set of circumstances.
[10:12] Everybody generally hates anyone whose alias includes the word 'Hermit' on principle.
[10:12] miss havisham: which would first involve losing about 50 more pounds...
[10:12] miss havisham: so... there go my plans for my HermitHavi alt
[10:12] miss havisham: :(
[10:12] miss havisham: HermitHaviInLeather
[10:13] Everybody: Uh. Your existing name is specifically hermitudinous enough, don't you think?
[10:13] miss havisham: Only for the literate
[10:14] Gregonzola: You're not concerned with the illiterate, right? They have trouble chatting.
[10:14] Everybody: wut u sa?
[10:14] Gregonzola: I'm thinking Dangerous Havi would be kind of like Black Widow.
[10:14] miss havisham: DangerHavi
[10:14] miss havisham: that's a superhero, right? is her superpower killing dudes?
[10:15] Everybody: Her superpower is CUTTIng dudes.
[10:15] miss havisham: um... cutting off their dicks, or just more general cutting?
[10:15] Gregonzola: She's a Russian Spy turned superhero, isn't she?
[10:15] Everybody: I told you I was going to unlock this achievement, Grego, and I'm going for it.
[10:15] Everybody: Just cutting.
[10:16] Everybody: I could go clothes shopping.
[10:16] Everybody: But I prefer to have a female with me for that.
[10:16] miss havisham: i could be a Russian spy. that part sounds cool.
[10:16] miss havisham: a female with you to unlock achievements or shop for clothing?
[10:16] Shoo86: i dont wanna ruin his kol fun
[10:17] Gregonzola: Sure you do!
[10:17] miss havisham: i do
[10:17] Shoo86: i just wanna make him mad for a bit
[10:17] miss havisham: fuck that guy.
[10:17] miss havisham: i'll cut him.
[10:18] Shoo86: havi did you get those optimal dog pics i sent?
[10:19] miss havisham: idk, i had to delete the files sight unseen. Timing, shoo. You couldn't have sent 'em six weeks ago?!
[10:20] Gregonzola: Give a Havi a relationship, and she's very honorable.
[10:21] miss havisham: Yeah, but I can be honorable and still cut dudes
[10:21] miss havisham: and speak Russian?
[10:21] Gregonzola: You can, Havi.
[10:21] miss havisham: can i speak russian too?
[10:21] miss havisham: great.
[10:21] miss havisham: WAIT A MINUTE
[10:21] miss havisham: is this related to leather? is this a trap?
[10:22] miss havisham: i get to provide my own wardrobe.
[10:22] miss havisham: i will cut dudes while i wear baggy jeans.
[10:22] Gregonzola: Black Widow doesn't always wear leather. Mostly just when Scarlett Johansson is playing her.
[10:23] Shoo86: heh
[10:25] miss havisham: Oh, good. Well, seeing no movie stars here, I think I'm good to go with long skirts and baggy jeans.
[10:25] Everybody: Long skirts are good for hiding long weapons.
[10:26] miss havisham: yes, like my enormous dick
[10:27] Everybody: Uhh.
[10:27] miss havisham: what, i can't cut people with my enormous dick? let me read my contract again
[10:28] Everybody: Because then you'd get blood on your dick, and that's not safe.
[10:28] Everybody: Unless you have also a super immune system that protects you from blood-borne diseases.
[10:28] miss havisham: Hmm, good point.
[10:28] miss havisham: I'll stick to blades, then.
[10:28] miss havisham: *puts away the enormous dick*
[10:29] Everybody: Every man considers the application of his penis as a killing device, and we all reach the same conclusion.
[10:29] Everybody: The only effective means is to choke someone to death with it.
[10:29] miss havisham: oh.
[10:30] miss havisham: you're ruining my dreams, here. i want to beat someone to death with a dick, just once. 
[10:30] Everybody: You can, but you have to do it from the inside, wink wink, nudge nudge.
[10:30] Everybody: Unless you can do that dim mak touch thing with it.
[10:30] Everybody: Dim mak bad touch.
[10:31] Shoo86: hmm
[10:31] miss havisham: hmm. can't i just poison people
[10:32] miss havisham: doesn't that seem more black widow-y?
[10:32] Everybody: Poison isn't a very .. filmworthy means of death.
[10:33] Everybody: It is generally long, drawn out...
[10:33] Everybody: You'd have to do one shot every hour or so.
[10:33] Everybody: A montage of screaming, vomiting, bleeding from orifices. You know. The kind of shit Hollywood loves.

Fucking Thursday

[09:17] Shoo86: hey jerks
[09:18] miss havisham: hey a-hole
[09:18] miss havisham: happy fucking thursday
[09:18] Piter: yo yo, Shoothulu
[09:18] Shoo86: =D -hic-
[09:18] miss havisham: i thought it was friday this morning, so i wore jeans
[09:18] Shoo86: whats goin on?
[09:18] miss havisham: this will go well during our 3-hour department meeting this afternoon i'm sure
[09:18] Shoo86: haha, oh no!
[09:18] Piter: been playing Organ Trail: Director's Cut this morning
[09:18] Shoo86: i realiezed on week 5/6 of a rotation that fridays were casual days
[09:19] Shoo86: nobody bothered telling me
[09:19] Gregonzola: Wait, fucking Thursday? We get to fuck today?
[09:19] Gregonzola: I'm going to go inform my coworkers.
[09:19] Everybody: Dicks!
[09:19] Shoo86: and i didnt bother paying attention to what people were wearing
[09:19] miss havisham: lol shoo
[09:19] Everybody: Uniform your coworkers!
[09:19] miss havisham: that's what it says on my calendar, greg
[09:19] Gregonzola: Great calendar.
[09:20] Everybody: Right after hump day. -hic-
[09:20] miss havisham: gotta keep busy
[09:21] Gregonzola: *get

Time for a Mashup

[12:30] jesabele: I will bitch about you finishing faster than I expected
[13:37] MasterSilex: was that too quick?
[13:39] jesabele: Shoo, we have got to work on your control 

Shoo's Romantic Window

[12:33] MasterSilex: oh havi i finished the goatlet in 5 turns
[12:33] miss havisham: .................... ..what
[12:33] miss havisham: WHAT
[12:33] MasterSilex: 3 more turns until my romantic window opens
[12:33] miss havisham: your... romantic... window.
[12:33] MasterSilex: so i dont want to do the outskirts until that starts
[12:33] Piter: he means his anus
[12:33] miss havisham: his anus is on a tight schedule
[12:33] MasterSilex: and i dont wanna waste 2 turns of chorale/thignfinder by starting the nook
[12:34] MasterSilex: so idk what to do
[12:34] jesabele: remember, Shoo, just relax
[12:34] jesabele: ease it in
[12:34] MasterSilex: actually, i guess i could just do the nook anyway
[12:34] Piter: by nook, he also means anus 

Don't disappoint Spiderbox

[12:29] MasterSilex: i wont bitch about finishing faster than i expected
[12:30] jesabele: I will bitch about you finishing faster than I expected

Fucking Rough

[11:24] Grimm Daddy: hey all, i gotz a question
[11:25] Grimm Daddy: should we try for the 2x hard mode loots in the next run
[11:25] Piter: hey Grimmbald, I may have an answer
[11:25] MasterSilex: no
[11:25] Grimm Daddy: not optimal?
[11:25] MasterSilex: i can pretty much guarantee we wouldnt be able to pull it off
[11:26] MasterSilex: maybe if we wanted to set up a side-clan to try?
[11:26] MasterSilex: but it is fucking rough
[11:27] Grimm Daddy: so maybe we should work our way up to that then?
[11:27] jesabele: fucking rough?
[11:27] jesabele: Shoo knows what I like