Clansion

[13:48] KrakMunky69: we should start playing powerball as a clan and then just buy a mansion
[13:48] screechpowers: yes mansion
[13:48] Piter: Nah, Krak.
[13:48] Piter: An island.
[13:48] screechpowers: with perrier flowing from the taps
[13:48] Gregonzola: A Clansion?
[13:48] screechpowers: haha
[13:48] Piter: and we can have little houses all over it
[13:48] KrakMunky69: an island with a mansion on it
[13:48] screechpowers: and we can fight over a conch shell
[13:49] Piter: there can be a central mansion
[13:49] Piter: with smaller, more reasonable, and private homes for us all
[13:49] screechpowers: i just want a hammock, shade and frozen cocktails
[13:49] Piter looks at privateislandsonline .com fairly regularly.
[13:49] KrakMunky69: screech is already going all lord of the flies on us
[13:49] screechpowers: and a supply of fun things to read
[13:49] screechpowers: haha piter, i've been to that site
[13:50] Gregonzola: If we're going to build a Clansion with a Clanpound, we sould probably build it in appropriate private compound location. How do you guys feel about Montana?
[13:50] KrakMunky69: the site i keep up with is the missile silo houses
[13:50] KrakMunky69: there is one in upstate new york that is reasonable. looks like a log cabin and it has it's own runway
[13:50] Piter: Is it an island?
[13:50] KrakMunky69: nah it's on a mountain
[13:50] screechpowers: i probably wouldn't move to montana... but i hear its nice
[13:51] Gregonzola: Well, this won't work without screech.
[13:51] Gregonzola: Where should be build the clan compound?
[13:51] Piter: Back to the private island drawing board
[13:51] Piter: A private island
[13:51] screechpowers: i like beach or mountains
[13:51] screechpowers: but just not montana, idaho or either dakota
[13:52] Gregonzola: Picky about your mountains, huh?
[13:52] screechpowers: im taking this sooo seriously
[13:52] screechpowers: haha
[13:52] KrakMunky69: or Wyoming
[13:52] screechpowers: i would be ok with Wyoming...
[13:52] Piter: See, I don't do mountains
[13:52] KrakMunky69: nah Wyoming is full of hicks
[13:52] Piter: I have terribly sensitive ears
[13:52] screechpowers: piter you like beach?
[13:52] screechpowers: what about mountains at the beach
[13:52] screechpowers: st. thomas it is!
[13:52] Gregonzola: No wonder we live all over the U.S. No way we're all agreeing
[13:53] KrakMunky69: ok how about we do what the crazy rich people are doing now, we build our own island
[13:53] Piter: I looooove the beach. Lived on Cape Cod and the Lowcountry literally all my life
[13:53] Gregonzola: We're hard to please.
[13:53] KrakMunky69: we go out into the ocean, sink some pylons, build an island and then we will have our own sovereign country
[13:53] screechpowers: i like the beach too
[13:54] screechpowers: i'm cool with that
[13:54] KrakMunky69: we can make mantz the king
[13:54] KrakMunky69: and put his face on our money
[13:54] Piter starts planning a coup already.
[13:54] Big Daddy Grimm: dibs on the minsiter of sexual escapades department job
[13:54] Everybody: Sexual ICE capades.
[13:54] KrakMunky69: on the back of the money we have the trollface
[13:55] Gregonzola: We don't need money. We can trade shells and sexual favors.
[13:55] Piter: wait, does that mean I can write the national anthem? :D
[13:55] Gregonzola: No, you charge too much.
[13:55] KrakMunky69: yea but it would be fun to print our own money to fuck with tourists
[13:55] Gregonzola: We'll go with NIN "Head like a hole."
[13:56] Gregonzola: See, with sexual favors as currency, fucking with tourists would be money.
[13:56] Gregonzola: Bow down before the Mantz you serve.
[13:56] Piter: I am NOT blowing pooch to get a bag of rice. No way in hell.

At least he has the hair

[10:58] Shoo86: plus i added 7 turns by being a stupid fuck
[10:58] Shoo86: 21 turns of bullshit
[10:58] Shoo86: just added for no good reason
[10:59] Shoo86: ugh
[10:59] MISS HAVISHAM: but shoo, you're a stupid fuck with nice hair... OH WAIT
[10:59] jesabele: I don't want to be a sandwich because of cock ham
[10:59] screechpowers: you can be a cock ham free sandwich
[10:59] Piter: cock haaaaaaaam    

Oblivious bananas!

Of all the things Screechpowers has brought to our lives... this may be the most memorable:

We're Like Olive Garden with Lawyers and Pharmacists

[08:15] screechpowers logged on.
[08:15] screechpowers: morning guys
[08:16] Gregonzola: Merry Bananas, Screech.
[08:16] Gregonzola: (At One Sec, we treat you like family.)
[08:17] Gregonzola: We were celebrating the end of Shoo's awful assignment, but I think we're all partied out now.
[08:17] screechpowers: oh
[08:17] screechpowers: hahah
[08:18] Gregonzola: Without a bartender, there's only so long the party can keep going.
[08:20] Gregonzola: And while One Sec legal counsel is present as well as Pharmacy Services (though he's probably playing X-Box), our bartender isn't in.
[08:40] Miss Havisham: yes, legal and pharmacy services are what you need AFTER the party
[08:42] Shoo86: lol    

A quality classic, brought to you by Thom

[21:22] jcdenton666: Hello.
[21:22] KeltiThePastaQueen: Get that little motherfucker out of this clan
[21:23] jcdenton666: Kelti, please do not be angry.
[21:23] KeltiThePastaQueen: I swear to god, you don't want a dribbling little retard shit like that in here
[21:23] KeltiThePastaQueen: Angry at a little cockbite like you? No.
[21:23] KeltiThePastaQueen: You just get the fuck out
[21:23] Leeverb: Kelti I can't tell you how many times people have PMed me the same thing about you
[21:23] KeltiThePastaQueen: Shit-talking little shitbag.
[21:23] jcdenton666: These are just mean things to say.
[21:24] KeltiThePastaQueen: None.
[21:24] Leeverb: this is a wonderful day
[21:24] KeltiThePastaQueen: They come from the heart.
[21:24] KeltiThePastaQueen: And you're still here
[21:24] Leeverb: perhaps JC can get Kelti to ragequit
[21:24] jcdenton666: I want to be your friend, Kelti.
[21:24] KeltiThePastaQueen: You slack-jawed little pile of rat piss.
[21:24] Abbadon: I like him, can we keep him, Leeverb? Can we keep him? -hic-
[21:24] jcdenton666: I will teach you the proper way to play this game.
[21:24] KeltiThePastaQueen: You gut yourself with a bowie knife and videotape it, that'll be a good start
[21:25] Leeverb: Again, Abba, just learn your lesson and let it go. Or keep trying, your call
[21:25] Leeverb: Kelti, if I were you I wouldn't take no shit from JC
[21:25] KeltiThePastaQueen: Foolish little motherfucker talking like he knows something about the game
[21:26] Leeverb: HIT HIM, KELTI. HIT HIM
[21:26] Abbadon: I'ma keep trying til I get it right.
[21:26] Leeverb: that's the spirit
[21:26] jcdenton666: I have 100 100% volleyball runs. I think I know a little bit about the game.
[21:27] KeltiThePastaQueen: You know fuckall, you're a retard.
[21:27] KeltiThePastaQueen: You need a punch in the fucking mouth with a fistfull of quarters
[21:27] jcdenton666: Have I upset you in some way?
[21:27] Leeverb: I dunno, Kelti, he's kind of right
[21:27] KeltiThePastaQueen: Then you need to be kicked in the balls until you piss blood until you die.
[21:27] KeltiThePastaQueen: Yes, by being a stupid cunt.
[21:27] KeltiThePastaQueen: That's how you upset me.
[21:27] Abbadon: I was gonna play some skyrim but I'ma stick around a little now -hic-
[21:27] Leeverb: you are a negative nellie
[21:28] KeltiThePastaQueen: I'd compare you to Rainman but Rainman had redeeming qualities.
[21:28] jcdenton666: I agree with Leeverb. you have a very negative attitude.
[21:28] KeltiThePastaQueen: Fuck all of you, that little ass-cancer needs to go.
[21:28] Leeverb fistbumps JC
[21:28] Leeverb: Kelti I can't tell you how many times people have PMed me the same thing about you
[21:29] jcdenton666 fistbumps LV.
[21:29] jcdenton666: I don't understand why Kelti hates me so much.
[21:30] KeltiThePastaQueen: That's because you're stupid.
[21:30] jcdenton666: I just want people to be apprecieative of the things that I have done and of my knowledge of this game.
[21:30] DavidRaye: leeverb is an old woman eating a light sabre dog?
[21:30] Leeverb: this is way too funny
[21:31] KeltiThePastaQueen: You haven't done shit and you know fuckall about the game.
[21:31] Leeverb: I am saving this
[21:31] KeltiThePastaQueen: All you do is run 100% volleyball in softcore. That's not even interesting, that's just childish
[21:31] KeltiThePastaQueen: You're like a retarded kid pushing at a pull door
[21:31] jeSabelE noms on some popcorn
[21:31] Leeverb: ohgodsoawesome
[21:31] Leeverb: pass that over, jes!
[21:31] Nitron: what the hell did I walk in on?
[21:32] jcdenton666: I don't appreciate you trying to undermine my grand achievements.
[21:32] Abbadon: A shitstorm hurricane.
[21:32] jeSabelE: one of the greatest shows ever, Nitron
[21:32] Leeverb: thank god for mafia, it logs everything
[21:32] KeltiThePastaQueen: Get
[21:32] KeltiThePastaQueen: The
[21:32] KeltiThePastaQueen: Fuck
[21:32] KeltiThePastaQueen: Out
[21:32] jcdenton666: Sandwiches
[21:33] screechpowers: i cant tell if you guys love each other or hate each other
[21:33] Leeverb: Kelti is very protective of her clan, JC. Only quality people are allowed in here.
[21:33] jcdenton666: I tried to get in before she said out, but I was too busy succeeding at the game.
[21:33] screechpowers: how'd i get in here then
[21:33] Nitron: bribery?
[21:34] Leeverb: Did Kelti ragequit?
[21:34] screechpowers: lol
[21:35] jcdenton666: If only quality people are allowed in, then I understand why I'm here. But why ia Kelti?
[21:35] KeltiThePastaQueen: Yeah. Leeverb-style. Back in 10 minutes.
[21:35] Leeverb: Kelti was here long before you, JC.
[21:35] Leeverb: Then she was booted, then came back
[21:35] Leeverb: Then she was bootred again, then came back, then was booted
[21:35] jcdenton666: But I am better than her in every way.
[21:35] Leeverb: Then joined a junir version of Hogs of Destiny, and was booted
[21:35] Leeverb: then came back here
[21:36] Leeverb: so show some respect
[21:36] jeSabelE: Leeverb, have I ever told you how awesome you are?
[21:36] Leeverb: No
[21:37] jcdenton666: I think I deserve more respect as I have never been booted from this clan and I am also far more successful in this game and full of useful information to get the entire clan up to my level.
[21:37] KeltiThePastaQueen: How is it you think you're "far more successful"?
[21:37] Leeverb: He's got a point there, Kelti
[21:37] jeSabelE: I have SOOO many questions for you. I don't even know where to start.
[21:37] Abbadon: Dude has done some impressive shit
[21:38] KeltiThePastaQueen: I don't see anything impressive?
[21:38] KeltiThePastaQueen: Bunch of 3-day softcore runs.
[21:38] jcdenton666: Kelti, have YOU ever completed 100 100% volleyball runs?
[21:38] Leeverb: osnap
[21:38] Nitron: a volleyball is one of the most boring familiars in the game
[21:38] KeltiThePastaQueen: No, I don't see the point in wasting my time like that.
[21:39] jeSabelE: also, I bet the ladies love him
[21:39] KeltiThePastaQueen: I mean if you want to just sit there like a robot, not really getting any better at the game then sure
[21:39] Leeverb: Nitron is dogpiling on JC with Kelti and this is hardly fair, these two veterans being so mean
[21:40] Nitron: dogpiling? after one comment?
[21:40] jcdenton666: I have every no path skill SC permed. Do you?
[21:40] Leeverb: Relax, Nitron, just take it easy
[21:40] KeltiThePastaQueen: Leeverb's being Leeverb of course.
[21:40] jcdenton666: I am obviously better.
[21:40] jcdenton666: But it's okay. I can teach you how to be more like me, Kelti.
[21:41] jcdenton666: You should strive to be more like me. All players should.
[21:41] Leeverb: Step one: learn to speak Awesome
[21:41] jeSabelE: If Kelti was more like JC I would probably have more respect
[21:41] Leeverb: same here
[21:42] Abbadon: I'dbe forced to stop trolling her and listen to what she says.
[21:42] KeltiThePastaQueen: If you were more like jc I'd just have to look harder to figure out what kind of trash you were
[21:42] jcdenton666: I'm the player that Jick had in mind we he designed this game.
[21:42] Leeverb: he's got you there, Kelti
[21:42] KeltiThePastaQueen: I see you're scared of hardcore and pathed runs
[21:43] KeltiThePastaQueen: That's kind of weak
[21:43] KeltiThePastaQueen: Actually that's terribly weak.
[21:43] jcdenton666: You would have to look harder to see what kind of trash they were because I'm not trash. So you would spend hours looking.
[21:43] jcdenton666: For nothing.
[21:43] Nitron: powerful weak!
[21:43] Leeverb: Nitron you are mean
[21:44] screechpowers: hey jcdenton666, you are full of malarky
[21:44] jcdenton666: It's not his fault. There is just so much negativity in this clan.
[21:44] Nitron: I try my best
[21:44] jcdenton666: I'm glad I came along. I can make this clan a better place.
[21:45] Leeverb: it's already better. we have you, and you know how to do 100% VB runs
[21:45] jcdenton666: Troubleface, I cannot be full of malarky because then there would be no room for all of the useful knowledge that I have.
[21:45] Leeverb: I doubt Kelti could do even one
[21:46] Abbadon: I'm learning already.
[21:46] Leeverb: troubleface ain't here, man
[21:46] screechpowers: malarky means brain
[21:46] jcdenton666: You're not Troubleface anyway.
[21:46] screechpowers: yeah i'm screechpowers
[21:46] jcdenton666: I am a little flustered, I apologize.
[21:47] fantabulous: Hay guise. Look at me all out of work and home now.
[21:47] jcdenton666: Hello, Fantabulous.
[21:48] Abbadon: Hey fanta, we got us a wonderful new clan member who can teach us many new and exciting things!
[21:48] jcdenton666: Do you understand why Kelti is so upset with me?
[21:48] Leeverb: Jesus Christ now I am getting rage PMs from Kelti. Someone let me know when we can break it to her
[21:48] fantabulous: I have made jcdenton's acquaintance before.
[21:49] fantabulous: I hear he's turned over a rather large leaf, so to speak, before being admitted to this clan.
[21:49] jeSabelE: just use your baleet option, Lee
[21:49] Leeverb: Good call, Jes
[21:49] jeSabelE: I am feeling so enlightened right now
[21:49] fantabulous: You might even say his cutthroat days are over.
[21:52] Leeverb: It's like that scene in the Two Towers where Faramir talks about showing his quality
[21:52] Leeverb: I think this was a very revealing conversation
[21:52] fantabulous: So. jcdenton. I came in just as you were asking why Kelti is so mad at you.
[21:52] jcdenton666: It was, Leeverb.
[21:52] Leeverb: Ketli.
[21:52] jcdenton666: Yes, she seems to be quite upset with my presence in the clan.
[21:53] fantabulous: She tends to be a bushel of lemons, so to speak.
[21:53] Abbadon: Why IS Kelti so assmangled anyway?
[21:53] Leeverb: JC is Thom. He hasn't been, but he is now. JCDenton ragequit the game today and thom got this account
[21:53] Leeverb: We have all been laughing at you for about half an hour
[21:53] KeltiThePastaQueen: Bullshit.
[21:53] Leeverb: Maybe a little longer
[21:53] jeSabelE makes sad face
[21:53] Abbadon: Thom, Leeverb, you magnificent bastards.
[21:53] Leeverb: Bullshit? Nope.
[21:54] fantabulous: Cut. Throat. Henry.
[21:54] Leeverb: The real JC would never get in here. That is Thom. We have been laughing.
[21:54] KeltiThePastaQueen: Oh you motherFUCKERS
[21:54] Leeverb: It is all saved for posterity.
[21:54] Nitron: I was not in on this joke...
[21:54] Leeverb: I know, Nitron
[21:54] jcdenton666: YOU BASTARD
[21:54] screechpowers: jokes
[21:55] Abbadon: I don't think anyone but Leeverb and Thom were
[21:55] Leeverb: We should do this again some time, guys
[21:55] jeSabelE: >.>
[21:55] KeltiThePastaQueen: Well on the plus side I may not need BLOOD PRESSURE MEDS now
[21:56] fantabulous: Maybe for our next clan joke, Kelti will be all sunshine and puppies with everyone.
[21:57] jeSabelE: Thom and I are going to go smoke after such a grand success
[21:57] Abbadon: After fucking with Kelti that hard he'll need it
[21:59] sWINgSet: hahaha
[21:59] sWINgSet: Oh man I gotta scroll up!
[22:00] sWINgSet: I always miss the fun stuff!
[22:00] Leeverb: I was gonna email it to you, I thought you were offline
[22:00] KeltiThePastaQueen: Glad you all enjoyed it so much.
[22:01] fantabulous: Please to kmail to me, Leeverb.
[22:01] sWINgSet: omg kelti you are like my favorite
[22:01] Abbadon: Post it on the boards
[22:01] Leeverb: Hey come on, it would still be going on if I hadn't put you out of your misery
[22:01] KeltiThePastaQueen: Fuck you Brian. This was meanspirited and you know it.
[22:01] sWINgSet: The way you just tore right into him is the things legends are made of.
[22:01] sWINgSet: Not at all.
[22:01] Leeverb: HAHAHA KELTI IS CALLING SOMEONE MEANSPIRITED
[22:01] fantabulous: Yes. Boards.
[22:02] Leeverb: This is pure fucking awesome
[22:02] sWINgSet: Thom has been doing it all day. I'm quite sure there was no malice.
[22:02] Abbadon: I still can't stop laughing
[22:02] screechpowers: all are bringin the lols.
[22:02] screechpowers: i meant yall. sigh.
[22:02] fleur de sel: ._.
[22:02] Leeverb: I thought I was being merciful, putting an end to it. I kind of wish I hadn't
[22:03] fantabulous: Apparently I didn't give it away with the whole "large leaf" thing.
[22:03] Abbadon: Should have waited until like... Friday -hic-
[22:03] Leeverb: Only those that knew got it, Fanta
[22:03] screechpowers: i dont really know whats going on, but sounds funny? i am just typing things
[22:04] jeSabelE: BEST. DAY, EVER.
[22:04] fleur de sel: enough Thom-foolery, children. ....
[22:04] fantabulous: The day we stop with the Thom-foolery is the day Thom has a tag on his toe.
[22:04] jeSabelE jumps and high fives leeverb
[22:05] Leeverb: Hey I'm not responsible for this
[22:05] fleur de sel: good point, fanta, although I can see Thom wearing a tag just "to be fashionable" and still ... Thomming, for lack of a more succinct phrase.
[22:06] Leeverb: I was amused, nothing more. Well, I mean aside from the whole goading of both of them. Aside from that, totally innocent
[22:07] fleur de sel: bbl falafel
[22:07] Abbadon: I had no idea what was going on or who he was supposed to be, all I knew was the butthurt was practically physical
[22:07] fantabulous: I hear Thomming includes drinking all of your beer and shitting in your sink.
[22:09] jeSabelE: in response to the shitting in the sink comment Thom: I have no idea how that SHIT started
[22:09] Abbadon: Some asshole, Jes.
[22:10] Leeverb: I knew a guy that took a dump in someone's clothes dryer and turned it on
[22:10] jeSabelE: hahahaha he said shit in response to shitting
[22:10] Leeverb: Unsurprisingly, he is now in prison. One thing leads to another
[22:10] fantabulous: Leeverb. I just smiled.
[22:10] jeSabelE: was there a load in the dryer?
[22:10] jeSabelE: I mean, besides that one, obviously
[22:10] fantabulous: No one saw me, fortunately.
[22:10] Abbadon: He just dropped it.
[22:10] Leeverb: no, it was empty. aside from, you know
[22:12] Leeverb: He was mean
[22:12] Leeverb: mean-spirited, as Kelti might say

Pitching Tents

[15:58] screechpowers: most delayed response ever
[15:58] screechpowers: lol
[16:00] Gregonzola: Oh, no. I've done some very delayed responses.
[16:04] Shoo86: wut
[16:05] Gregonzola: Like Shoo. He has delayed responses.
[16:06] Shoo86: lol
[16:06] Shoo86: sexually speaking
[16:08] Gregonzola: Which makes porn very awkward for Shoo.
[16:08] Gregonzola: He watches some, then 3 hours later at dinner he's got the tent up and he's trying to make conversation.
[16:08] Gregonzola: "What? This? Just a delayed response."
[16:28] Shoo86: hahahah
[16:28] Shoo86: nice    

Those are nacho cookies

[12:08] screechpowers: my refrigerator is filled with leftover superbowl nachos
[12:09] Piter: You should drive them to me.
[12:09] screechpowers: they wouldn't survive the journey
[12:09] screechpowers: plus i'm pretty sure i put cookies in the same container
[12:09] Carling: mmmm soggy nachos
[12:09] Piter: I'm sure they would if you put them in a cooler.
[12:10] screechpowers: mixed with cookies
[12:10] screechpowers: carl the queso is separate
[12:10] screechpowers: do you think me some kind of monster?    

Drive it like you stole it

[09:21] screechpowers: I saw my car go driving by and I was like oh no my car is stolen
[09:21] KrakMunky69: LOL
[09:21] screechpowers: Then I realized I was at the mechanic
[09:21] Everybody: Whoa, screech, paranoid much?
[09:22] screechpowers: People here probably think I'm high
[09:22] mISs hAviSHAM: omg that is me EVERY TIME screech
[09:22] KrakMunky69: ......are you?
[09:22] mISs hAviSHAM: what is that guy doing in my car????
[09:22] screechpowers: I didnt eat breakfast!
[09:22] screechpowers: I'm naturally high
[09:22] Gregonzola: Weed is natural.
[09:22] screechpowers: I mean without outside assistance
[09:23] Shoo86: lmao screech did you say it outloud?
[09:23] Everybody: Endo- vs extra-
[09:23] screechpowers: Yesssss
[09:23] Shoo86: lmaoooooo
[09:23] mISs hAviSHAM: lmao
[09:23] Shoo86: awesome
[09:23] screechpowers: Man
[09:24] mISs hAviSHAM: stolen bananas
[09:24] screechpowers: This is after me laughing spontaneously at grimm's joke
[09:24] screechpowers: I'm now the crazy lady
[09:24] KrakMunky69: lol you just need to mumble to yourself about getting home to feed your 20 cats now
[09:24] Gregonzola: (Crazy lady is not new status for Screech.)    

Working with Screech

hAm Salad Sandwich: screech!

hAm Salad Sandwich: you were in my dream last night

hAm Salad Sandwich: I dreamt that you bartended with me

hAm Salad Sandwich: but you didn't like dealing with people so you would always do service bar

Slacker King: hammy doesnt talk abotu the dreasm with me in them

hAm Salad Sandwich: you even had your own little private service bar booth

Slacker King: they usually involve strip clubs set with all you can eat buffets and a hell of alot of screaming

hAm Salad Sandwich: well, one night we were shorthanded so you had to come out of the booth and take care of bar guests

hAm Salad Sandwich: And I joked "heh, who's the new girl?"

hAm Salad Sandwich: the joke being that we had been woirking together for many years, but none of us ever actually see you

hAm Salad Sandwich: mmmm all you can eat strip bar buffet

The Clan Bucket

screechpowers: i ate too many toaster strudels and now i think i'm going to be sick :(

Gregonzola: We have a clan bucket for being sick.

Thomas Earl Waldrop II: There's no such thing as too many toaster streudels.

screechpowers: the thought of a clan bucket makes me feel more sick

Tiny Plastic GrimmSpoon: why does the bucket say "grimmy's lunch"

screechpowers: whenever i get toaster strudel i always think "i'll just have one more" until i feel absolutely terrible

Thomas Earl Waldrop II: Mantz poops in the clan bucket.

Gregonzola: We are considerate people who don't believe in waste, Grimmy.

screechpowers: the clan bucket is a sad place

screechpowers: where happiness goes to be destroyed

Gregonzola: No, that's Jesa's hobbit hole.

Gregonzola: She's eventually going to kill me. I know it.

That's Gangsta

KrakMunky69: bitches

Miss Havisham: hey... asshole

Carling: don't talk to my ladies like that

screechpowers: your mom isn't here, krak

Great Work if you can Get It

KrakMunky69: you can always get that boob booze that was poured over a models tits

Miss Havisham: krak, i almost to ask for a link but i can't look at that at work so

Miss Havisham: i'll just imagine why. WHY.

Gregonzola: [link] http:// www.youtube.com/ watch? feature=player_embed ded&v=ngQKnc9tZeE

screechpowers: because when i drink alcohol i think.. hmm.. this needs a stranger's dead skin in it

Miss Havisham: right!!

KrakMunky69: it's super expensive and disgustingly unsanitary

screechpowers: this would be perfect if it had some dead skin cells floating in it

ham Salad sAndWich: I just fell asleep in the dog's bed

screechpowers: this is bad

Gregonzola: New porn idea.

Gregonzola: Mantz in the dog's bed.

GrimmSpoon: that explains why the farts smelled worse mantzy

kLimtOG: Well, now you have to get married

KrakMunky69: but the bottle has a little picture of the model whose tits were in your booze screech

Gregonzola: No, that's going nowhere.

screechpowers: hahaha

Miss Havisham: lol mantz

KrakMunky69: there is a whole video of the process on their site

KrakMunky69: NSFW [link] http:// www.gspirits.com/

ham Salad sAndWich: I was just cuddling Rigby because she's all punky and sad and I fell asleep there

jesabele: why is she sad?

screechpowers: aw, is rigby feeling bad?

ham Salad sAndWich: she was sick

jesabele: [link] http://imgur.com/ J2nnz

ham Salad sAndWich: she's getting better

ham Salad sAndWich: also, lol gspirits

Shoo86: lol gspirits and jes

screechpowers: annnd all the guys have heard of it before

Miss Havisham: of course.

Leeverb: something is wrong with me

ham Salad sAndWich: Krak told me about it before

tomato toast: something new, verb?

Shoo86: yeah i remmeber krak mentioning this

Shoo86: never saw the site tho

Shoo86: is that expensive?

Shoo86: i cant tell

KrakMunky69: yea, very

Gregonzola: Well, the important part is the pouring over tits, which improves the flavor. -hic-

Gregonzola: Especially if they haven't showered and were Jell-O wrestling.

tomato toast groans

Shoo86: lol

screechpowers: wait wait, expensive?

screechpowers: how much is this stuff selling for?

ham Salad sAndWich: the making of video is softcore porn

Shoo86: haha

KrakMunky69: 1/2 liter is $172

tomato toast: that's a titload of money

The Best of Umbrellas

screechpowers: hey guys it's raining

screechpowers: raining so much

Gregonzola: Merry Wet Bananas, Screech.

Shoo86: wet bananas lol

Miss Havisham: lol

Miss Havisham: Soggy Bananas, Screech!

screechpowers: i've got an umbrella made of the hides of my enemies

Miss Havisham: Wow, mine's just gatorskin. I'm jealous

Who gives a figging?

screechpowers: who even uses a word like irrumate?!

screechpowers: hilarious!

Miss Havisham: I don't know that word and considering the source I'm afraid to ask

Miss Havisham: the last concept I learned in that manner was "figging" and I was much happier without it.

screechpowers: hahaha

screechpowers: gives new meaning to "go fig"?

Miss Havisham: yes.

screechpowers: what is figging anyways

Miss Havisham: DO NOT. ASK.

screechpowers: does it involve fig newtons? because i like those

Miss Havisham: Pooch will show up at your door with a paring knife and a hunk of ginger and you won't walk right for days

screechpowers: well

Gregonzola: Urban dictionary it.

Gregonzola: Do not google.

screechpowers: i know, i was just too lazy

screechpowers: do not google?

screechpowers: thanks greg

screechpowers: whew you helped me dodge a bullet

Gregonzola: [link] http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=figging

Gregonzola: So you peel the ginger root. That's good to know.

screechpowers: wow

kLimtOG: dafuq

Everybody: Did I misspell?

Leeverb: back in my day we used an onion

Miss Havisham: I don't know, dear. I don't know a word that looks anything like "irrumate"

Gregonzola: No, but kLimtOG did.

Leeverb: we didn't have any white onions on account of the war

screechpowers: did you tie it to your belt first?

Leeverb: so we used a yellow onion

screechpowers: hahahaha

kLimtOG: Hahaha

Leeverb: it was the fashion at the time

Band Names

Everybody: HAVI WHY CAN'T I DATE ONLINE JEEZ, if you know what I mean.

Gregonzola: Pooch, go onto craigslist.org and make a casual encounters post.

Gregonzola: I was listening to a podcast and they said craigslist is full of trucker dong.

Gregonzola: There are many things in life you can't unsee. Trucker dong is among them.

Ramone: Trucker Dong would be a great name for a Motorhead-meets-Hank III band

Gregonzola: Really? And would I want to hear it?

Ramone: oh hell yeah, tons of bands are in that vein. Nine Pound Hammer, Cocknoose, Hellstomper, Hammerlock, The Hookers

Shoo86: lmao

Ramone: anyway Trucker Dong will soon be joining them

Gregonzola: Hehe. Cocknoose.

Gregonzola: Awesome.

Shoo86: never thought id say something like this

Ramone: Cocknoose are one of the best bands I have ever seen

Shoo86: but i like your trucker dong idea, lee

Ramone: haha

Ramone: I wonder if our fans would be willing to buy our t-shirts

Ramone: assuming we'll have fans

Gregonzola: People buy truck nuts.

Ramone: I dunno if I'd wear a shirt that said TRUCKER DONG -hic-

Gregonzola: So, I'm guessing yes.

Ramone: good point, greg, good point

screechpowers: we're naming a band trucker dong now?

Ramone: yes

screechpowers: hahaha

Gregonzola: Trucker Dong is great band name.

Ramone: it rolls off the tongue

Everybody: I've decided to punish myself with food. I'm going to boil this hot and sour soup down to a syrup, wink wink, nudge nudge.

Ramone: .....er

Ramone: so to speak

screechpowers: when i think of truckers, i always think of leg thrombolisms

Gregonzola: Others I've heard:

Gregonzola: Gluten-free Doughy Steaming Loaf

screechpowers: and aneurysms

screechpowers: mmm sounds nice!

screechpowers: i love steaming loaves of dough

Ramone: screechpowers: i love steaming loaves

KrakMunky69: thank god fanta isn't here

Gregonzola: Svanz Springwood

Ria: Hola!

screechpowers: this is news to no one, ramone

Ramone: creechpowers: i love steaming loaves creechpowers: i love steaming loaves creechpowers: i love steaming loaves creechpowers: i love steaming loaves creechpowers: i love steaming loaves creechpowers: i

Just for Screech

Miss Havisham: It's cold in Phoenix right now :(

Miss Havisham: It's too cold to talk dirty. although I texted someone last night that it was "ass fucking cold" and he took that as an invitation, which it was NOT intended to be.

Miss Havisham: good thing he's not local, huh?

fantabulous: I don't understand "ass fucking cold".

jesabele: I say balls ass cold

Miss Havisham: me neither

fantabulous: If it's really cold, I just want to hide under the covers. Not expose my ass to the cold and erect penises.

Miss Havisham: i just meant REALLY COLD, with bad words to emphasize the extreme cold

Miss Havisham: see, it wasn't an invitation. but apparently it came across that way.

Miss Havisham: I did not mean "it is so cold, i want to be fucked in the ass"

fantabulous: That's what I don't understand. How would anal sex help warm you up?

fantabulous: Maybe if it was in a spooning position, under the covers. I don't know.

Miss Havisham: That's what I'm saying -- it wasn't an invitation. I just meant to say, like, [expletive] [expletive] cold

Miss Havisham: but the ones i chose came across as an invitation or a hope of some kind. which they weren't.

And Screech, that's why Havi greeted you with:

Miss Havisham: merry bananas, screech! Wanna buttfuck?

Armed and Dangerous

Shoo86: that reminds me, tell your wife and sister i had a lovely time last night

Miss Havisham: my ass and your face, shoo

Gregonzola: Holy crap. When people snap, they snap: [link] http://www.kmov.com/home/Missouri-man-accused-of-dismembering-body-throwing-body-parts-at-witnesses-186308522.html

Shoo86: havi dont threaten me with a good time

Miss Havisham: I wouldn't know a good time if it... bit me on the ass

Miss Havisham: god i'm hilarious

screechpowers: maybe someone asked him for a hand with something

Shoo86: haha

Lena Linguine: or he decided to exercise his right to bear arms.

screechpowers: hahaha

Miss Havisham: lol you guys -hic-

screechpowers: maybe he wanted to get a leg up on the cops

Lena Linguine: his neighbors must have known something was afoot.

screechpowers: hahahaha

Lena Linguine: Oh, what a man has to do to get ahead.

Everybody: To get head. Indeed.

screechpowers: gives a new meaning to throwing your back out

Lena Linguine: Pooch, hopefully getting head doesn't involve blood, and if it does, you're doing it wrong.

Everybody: The rest of you are wussies, then, Lena.

Miss Havisham: hey, just cause it's not your kink doesn't mean pooch isn't into it

Everybody: Your kink may not be my kink, and that means YOUR KINK IS WROOOOOONG.

Everybody: Wait, is Krak here? :)

Lena Linguine: I haven't found my kink yet.

Miss Havisham: aw man, he wishes he were

Gregonzola: He was going to have a bagel and watch Youtube.

ham Salad sAndWich: I thought he said a smoke and a pancake

Gregonzola: Haha.

Gregonzola: Nice, Mantz.

ham Salad sAndWich: speaking of food, i need it.

Lena Linguine: as do I.

Gregonzola: Go forth, young Mantz. Secure you some provender.

Shoo86: lol

Everybody: OMFG, I want some fucking pancakes.

Lena Linguine: I also want some fucking pancakes.

Lena Linguine: With extra fucking.

Everybody: And extra syrup?

Lena Linguine: I could never fuck a pancake though.

Lena Linguine: Maybe sausage.

Miss Havisham: strap on a sausage of your own, lena

Gregonzola: You can just roll up a pancake. Problem solved.

Lena Linguine: strap it on and fuck with it? I'd need to go get a harness.

SuperScreech

screechpowers: i'm back again

screechpowers: but i'm about to go to the dentist!

Shoo86: woohoo

screechpowers: yeah it's gonna be awesome. i think i'm getting a sealant or something

Shoo86: sick

screechpowers: hahahaha

Dear Penthouse: Sealants are cool.

Dear Penthouse: You can't get cavities there for a few years.

Dear Penthouse: Rock on, Screech.

Dear Penthouse: You'll be superwoman against tooth decay.

screechpowers: thats the best sealant pep talk i've ever received

We all have Dreams

Megaman_90: What the...One of the fans in my computer just started making a funny noise.

screechpowers: it's about to blow!

screechpowers: i dreamed one of my friends had a meerkat as a pet

Gregonzola: Sometimes they get off balance.

Gregonzola: Screech, that's awesome.

screechpowers: now i want a meerkat as a pet

Gregonzola: Move to Texas. You can keep anything in Texas.

screechpowers: done and done

Miss Havisham: I dreamed last weekend that I gave a glory hole blowjob to Satan.

Miss Havisham: The end result tasted like chocolate milk.

Miss Havisham: Since then, I have tried to avoid sleeping.

screechpowers: that is a unique dream

screechpowers: hahahaha

Gregonzola: 'spensive: [link] http://petside.co.uk/wellness/meerkats_-_the_lowdown_on_keeping_a_meerkat_as_a_pet.php

Megaman_90: You didn't just google that did you?

Megaman_90: lol

Gregonzola: Heck yeah. I google things.

Gregonzola: How did you know it was Satan?

Miss Havisham: Good question! At first I thought it was a KoLer and was hesitant, but then he popped his head down near the hole so I could see his instantly- recognizable features (obviously no mask at play)

Gregonzola: Well, that makes sense then.

Miss Havisham: Yes, except why does sleeping-Havi prefer blowing Satan to blowing KoLers?

Miss Havisham: Right, so, this has been Havi's Psychotherapy Session for today. Please tune in tomorrow.

screechpowers: haha dreams aren't supposed to make sense

Gregonzola: If you're going to get down and dirty, you might as well get down and dirty with the king of down and dirty.

screechpowers: the worst part is when a website starts showing up in your dream, you know you've maybe been on the internet too much

Miss Havisham: omg that's not quite what happened t me this morning, but almost

Miss Havisham: there was a billboard for a jumbo jack combo

Miss Havisham: i thought it said "Jumbo Jack Crimbo"

screechpowers: wow

screechpowers: you've got it bad! haha

Gregonzola: To be fair, Crimbo is more appealing than the Jumbo Jack Combo.

Everybody: Tell me this is a porno?

Miss Havisham: Jumbo Jick Crimbo

Miss Havisham: (it is now)

screechpowers: unrelated but still funny: one time i was in a car riding with my parents, sisters and granny and my granny was loudly bragging about how well she could still see, despite her age

Miss Havisham: it's a porno I'm gonna film this weekend. I bet I can get trubs on board

Everybody: But Trubs is so tiny.. she would like, die!

Everybody: Her poor little elftwat.

Gregonzola: Screech, uh, oh.

screechpowers: so she started reading road signs off as we passed them. "I can see perfectly! That sign says Merry Bananas!"

Miss Havisham: hahahaha

Gregonzola: Haha.

Miss Havisham: that would happen to me.

Everybody: Your elftwat would die?

screechpowers: so now my family all says Merry Bananas to each other!