Doesn't everyone?

[09:43] jon diaz imagines greg with a titanium bear cub strapped to his crotch

Context might help.

[09:39] xTyrx kicks Gregonzola in the nards to keep up the chaos level
[09:39] Gregonzola: I wear a titanium cub, Tyr. -hic-
[09:39] Gregonzola: My last clan trained me well.
[09:39] Gregonzola: er, cup.
[09:39] Gregonzola: They trained me well, except for spelling.
[09:39] xTyrx: Cub eh?
[09:40] xTyrx notices a growling sound coming from gregonzolas pants region
[09:40] xTyrx dumps a bucket of ice water on Gregonzola
[09:40] Gregonzola: That's right. The lion cub will bite you if you try for the nards.
[09:41] Gregonzola shivers
[09:42] Gregonzola: Thanks, Tyr. Now the cub is uncomfortable and my nipples could cut glass.
[09:42] xTyrx offers Gregonzola a sheet of glass
[09:43] Gregonzola cuts it with his nipples
[09:43] jon diaz imagines greg with a titanium bear cub strapped to his crotch
[09:43] jon diaz: i think you want to swap that out with a wolverine for maximum efficacy
[09:43] Gregonzola: Jon, that's a good idea.
[09:43] Gregonzola straps on a titanium wolverine cub
[09:43] xTyrx: Honey badger
[09:43] xTyrx: Or a Tasmanian Devil
[09:44] Gregonzola: Honey badger might eat my naughty bits as a snack.
[09:44] Gregonzola: Nobody wants that.
[09:44] jon diaz: lol
[09:44] xTyrx: Gregonzola the man with the Nards made of Bear cubs
[09:44] jon diaz: that's why you have to use the Sontaran battle strategy.
[09:44] jon diaz: just keep thrusting your crotch at enemies so he doesn't have time to become interested in yours
[09:44] Gregonzola: Good idea.
[09:45] Gregonzola: And maybe feed him well.
[09:45] jon diaz: on the blood of your enemies
[09:45] xTyrx: and remember always keep some raw meat on you to feed him if you have no enemies near by
[09:46] xTyrx: some guy named steve and his robotic Turtle in his pants
[09:46] Gregonzola: Steve is the minecraft guy.
[09:46] Gregonzola: He's kind of a blockhead. A real square.
[09:46] Gregonzola: I'm here all week.
[09:47] xTyrx: gregonzola is the lover across games there isn't a game character he can't seduce except Bowser
[09:47] Gregonzola: If you're challenging me I might be able to seduce Bowser.
[09:47] Gregonzola: I have some talents in that area. Not to toot my own horn.
[09:48] xTyrx: Goood luck
[09:48] jon diaz: don't toot your own horn in public
[09:48] jon diaz: it's rude
[09:49] jon diaz: also it would probably attract the attention of the wolverine cub
[09:49] xTyrx: Gregonzola is so manly he can seduce dinosaurs O.O
[09:49] xTyrx: is there anything he can't bang?
[09:49] Gregonzola: There is not.
[09:50] Gregonzola: I may not be good at much, but I can seduce dinosaurs and marine mammals.
[09:50] xTyrx throws a flaming dolphin at Gregonzola
[09:51] Gregonzola: Burning love is the best love. 
[09:59] jon diaz: if your love is burning, you did something wrong
[09:59] jon diaz: go see a doctor 

The Rules of Self-Love

[19:57] offcell: .count love me
[19:57] offcell: misfire
[19:57] offcell: lol
[19:58] Gregonzola: So there offcell was, counting the number of times he'd loved himself today...
[19:59] offcell: i hit the . instead of /, fml :(
[19:59] offcell: just realized
[20:00] Berrasi just might be in love with offcell.
[20:00] offcell: I love me, you don't love me. you can't
[20:00] offcell: because I LOVE ME!
[20:01] Berrasi: fine! Love yourself!
[20:02] Berrasi: there ain't no love like my love though xD
[20:02] offcell: i'm curious of your love now Berrasi...
[20:03] Berrasi chuckles and saves all of her love for herself later tonight.
[20:03] Berrasi: and sorry boys, no pictures!
[20:04] offcell walks away, deeply saddened, but then realizes he doesn't like girls anyway, so shrugs it off
[20:04] Berrasi: hah!
[20:04] Berrasi: now I know I <3 offcell.
[20:04] offcell: but you can't
[20:05] offcell: don't you remember?
[20:05] offcell: I LOVE ME!
[20:05] skullfark soulshasser: don't love yourself in public
[20:05] skullfark soulshasser: it's rude

They'd be a big seller

[18:40] HumanGasCalves dances around the couch read itits rights
[18:41] Gregonzola: iTits are the new Apple product, Calvsie?

Food is good soup

[21:07] Gregonzola:  I'm moving to Oregon.
[21:11] Gregonzola: I think Salem.
[21:11] AlbinoPanther: i wish i could move to salem, greg.
[21:11] everyman4: Oh, man, I'm like, 30 seconds away from Salem
[21:11] everyman4: Move here, AP!
[21:12] Gregonzola: AP, you can. Move with me!
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: wrong salem 
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: i was thinking about salem, Mass. :P
[21:12] Gregonzola: We can have picnics and stuff.
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: yeahhhhh
[21:12] AlbinoPanther: no.
[21:12] Gregonzola: Every, will you have picnics with me?
[21:13] everyman4: Fine, AP is uninvited to KoL picnic time.
[21:13] everyman4: SCREW YOU THERE'S A PADDLEBOAT
[21:13] AlbinoPanther: ahahahaha
[21:13] everyman4: Of course, Greg
[21:13] Gregonzola: Yay!
[21:13] Gregonzola: Game on.
[21:13] everyman4 looks around for someone to save her from this
[21:13] everyman4: Anybody? No? DID WE ALL FORGET HE WAS A PEDOPHILE LIKE TEN MINUTES AGO?
[21:14] everyman4: AP, come be my third wheel
[21:14] Gregonzola: Every, I'd never do that to you. And I'm no pedophile. I'm a donutsexual.
[21:14] everyman4: We can make Greg the third wheel
[21:14] Gregonzola: I only make love to donuts.
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: oooh~
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: i'm ok with that, every
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: ...
[21:14] AlbinoPanther: christ on a cracker Greg
[21:14] everyman4: You like to do nuts?
[21:15] Gregonzola: I'm only kidding on the donuts. Every has accused me of loving ponies and kids. I figured we'd give her baked goods, too.
[21:15] Gregonzola: I was considering soup, but let's be honest. You can't do that with soup. 
[21:16] AlbinoPanther: challenge accepted, greg. 
[21:16] everyman4: Not with that attitude, Greg

Oh, that's where he keeps it

[11:36] Gregonzola: Guys, I'm concerned.
[11:36] Gregonzola: I'm hearing that thigh gaps are big now, but I don't have one.
[11:36] Gregonzola: Do you think I need to do some serious Atkins or something?
[11:36] Gun_Mage: LOL
[11:36] Gun_Mage: thigh gaps are meh
[11:38] AlbinoPanther: starvation diet, greg. it's the only way.
[11:38] Lord_Wyrme: i have a gap in my thighs. but it is filled by a very large dragon goodie sack ^_~

Yilf in Hell

[14:48] fantabulous: Yeah. Beyond the "Yiff in hell" or "How many dogs have you fucked?" comments, I don't see the big deal about mentioning that one is a furry.
[14:49] kashieda: I read that as "Yilf in hell"
[14:50] Gregonzola: I did, too. -hic-
[14:52] jesabele: I read it the same
[14:52] Gregonzola: From the makers of Breaking Bad comes a new series.
[14:52] Gregonzola: About an innocent girl facing a less-than-innocent situation.
[14:52] kashieda: Good Bonings?
[14:52] Gregonzola: YILF IN HELL
[14:52] Gregonzola: I think Yilf may be asexual.
[14:53] Gregonzola: I'm not even sure she has a vagina.
[14:53] Gregonzola: And please, if anyone's sure don't tell me.
[14:56] Gregonzola: And all goes silent again. I'm just engaging in chatsturbation here.
[14:57] kashieda: you are
[14:57] Everybody: Yilf is not asexual.
[14:57] kashieda: and then we come
[14:57] Gregonzola: Dammit, Pooch.

Unicorns, Whoring and Lady Liberty

[12:17] Gregonzola: Kash, "Unicorns" is clan slang now for orgasms resulting from intercourse not involving stimulation of the clitoris. Jesa had a BF who could make her climax without clitoral interaction. Now (quite understandably) no other male measures up.
[12:18] kashieda: aaaahhhh
[12:18] kashieda: that sounds like FUN
[12:19] Gregonzola: I'm sure it is. I don't have a vagina or clitoris to test out how fun, but I'm willing to believe her.
[12:19] kashieda: well, was fun for jesa, but not so much now?
[12:19] kashieda: yeah
[12:21] Gregonzola: Well, the male in question took up with another lady. But it's okay, because Jesa may have a way to win him back in time. And hence once again corral her unicorns.
[12:22] kashieda: sneaky
[12:23] kashieda: what should i do now?
[12:23] kashieda: dread is dead
[12:23] kashieda: 97 adventures to spend
[12:26] Gregonzola: Practice making unicorns.
[12:26] kashieda: i always do that
[12:32] Gregonzola: Good man.
[12:37] kashieda: should i "old man" ship adventure?
[12:38] Everybody: Do you ever have those moments where you jump up from your chair and assume the victorious 'Statue of Liberty' pose?
[12:38] Everybody: Because, FUCK YES! FROM SEA TO SHINING ME!
[12:38] kashieda: no, not really
[12:39] kashieda: well, if our dread is goind to stay boring, i'll go whore out a bit
[12:39] kashieda: see ya
[12:41] jesabele: UNICORNS
[12:42] Gregonzola: WHORING!
[12:47] Everybody: WHORNICORNS. -hic-
[12:47] Everybody: Wait, this sounds like an event that krak would attend: "Whornicon 9!" 

Quantum Jumpme

[07:31] Gregonzola: The butts of the traveling pants.
[07:38] Everybody: If they were traveling panties, it would be much more interesting.
[07:38] Everybody: TIME-TRAVELING PANTIES.
[07:41] Gregonzola: I think that's a good idea for a novel.
[07:42] Gregonzola: Or at least a really dirty fanfic involving a female doctor getting into the Quantum Leap machine.
[07:42] Gregonzola: Who am I kidding? That shit's been written by someone.
[07:56] Everybody: The Quantum Jumpme Machine.

Asshattery

[07:43] miss havisham: also i realized i have an aweosme hat
[07:43] miss havisham: i don't know where i got it but it was in my inventory
[07:48] Gregonzola: My favorite is still the asshat. I wish it were more powerful.
[07:49] miss havisham: i like to make them for no particular reason
[07:50] miss havisham: it just brings me a little joy
[08:02] Gregonzola: Making them is fun.
[08:03] Gregonzola: Maybe if you could wrap an asshat in duct tape.
[08:03] miss havisham: what would it be then?
[08:05] Everybody: Gerbilling hat.

The Way of the Surprising Fisting

[09:43] Gregonzola: Crimbo is good for leveling with hard monsters.
[09:46] miss havisham: maybe i'll hit 30 by next crimbo
[09:46] miss havisham: i think around 21 in my first ascension i got STINKING BORED and asked shoo to help me level up andthen it went faster ;)
[09:48] Gregonzola: You know, this is where Mafia would help you. Just let it attack a hard area for you day after day.
[09:48] miss havisham: first I'd have to learn how to do that -hic-
[09:48] miss havisham: and learn what a hard area is
[09:48] Everybody: I'll show ya. -hic-
[09:49] miss havisham: I thought you were idle :)
[09:49] Everybody: I'm like the NSA, I'm always on the line.
[09:50] miss havisham: beep beep
[09:53] miss havisham: next time i ascend i am going to talk to shoo first. or someone.
[10:01] MafOOsalah: You should go master of the surprising fisting.
[10:01] miss havisham: I think your hands are better suited for it.
[10:01] miss havisham: Oh, wait.
[10:02] MafOOsalah: They ARE surprising!

Shoo's Holiday Plans

[10:39] Big Daddy Grimm: where is shoo?
[10:40] miss havisham: good question
[10:40] Gregonzola: Shoo's out trying to convince idiots who still believe in the divine to abandon their faith before Christmas.
[10:41] Gregonzola: And punting baby Jesuses out of nativity scenes.
[10:41] miss havisham: he's standing behind bell-ringers giving out candy canes to people who DON'T drop their change in the bucket
[10:42] jesabele: hahaha
[10:43] Gregonzola: Kicking priests in the junk. 

check twice, flush once

Gregonzola: I'm mildly OCD in some ways. Before I throw stuff out I check it several times.  kashieda solves that by not throwing things away
kashieda: which is... not great
 miss havisham: this is why i like living with other humans.
 miss havisham: "will you check to make sure this is the one i mean to throw away?"
 miss havisham: "Yes, Mom."
 MafOOsalah: Huh?
 MafOOsalah: You have someone double check everything you throw away?
 MafOOsalah: I hope this doesn't apply to toilet paper.

Wank Club

[14:23] fantabulous: Do guys actually do that? Probably.
[14:24] Gregonzola: Get blown?
[14:24] fantabulous: No. Get together just to masturbate.
[14:25] Gregonzola: No, too homoerotic for our society.
[14:25] Gregonzola: If it happens, we keep it quiet.
[14:25] miss havisham: but you can talk about it in /clan
[14:25] Gregonzola: It's like fight club but with more semen.
[14:26] Everybody: The first rule about Wank Club is you don't talk about Wank Club.
[14:26] Everybody: The second rule about Wank Club is finish first, or DUCK!

Fanta's Impersonations

[13:24] fantabulous: Maybe I'll try that as my nametag at kolumbus.
[13:24] fantabulous: Not sure if I should go straight up for Cir Senam, or Cir Semen.
[13:25] fantabulous: Moody thought I was really Leeverb last year.
[13:27] Gregonzola: That is awesome. Fanta, you mimic other clannies like nobody's business.
[13:31] fantabulous: All I did was write "Leeverb #RAGE" on my nametag.
[13:33] Gregonzola: That'd do it. It's the Rage part that's distinctive.
[13:34] fantabulous: I didn't even talk about going to Bob Evans or Old Country Buffet or go "RAGE".
[13:36] Gregonzola: Glad you didn't go over the top.

Let's get this party started

[07:54] Gregonzola: Partay!
[07:54] Everybody: pantays! -hic-
[08:12] Gregonzola: I like Pooch's idea of a party better.
[08:12] Everybody: I do know parties.
[08:13] Gregonzola: And panties.

Clan Mart Door Greeter

[14:56] miss havisham: hello again!
[14:57] Gregonzola: Welcome back.
[14:57] miss havisham: thanks!
[14:57] Gregonzola: I'm here to make people feel welcome.
[14:57] Gregonzola: Really that's my only job.
[14:57] Everybody: Welcome to /Clan-mart?
[14:58] Gregonzola: Sure!
[14:58] miss havisham: what's on sale?
[14:58] Everybody: Your mom.
[14:58] miss havisham: Oh. I'll pass.
[14:59] Everybody: Sorry, no returns.

Shittin' on the Ritz

[13:10] Everybody: Being the tactile type, I momentarily taste shit whenever I think things like that.
[13:17] Gregonzola: I've never tasted shit yet. I try to avoid it. I know at some point some kid's going to flick some in my mouth or an animal will, but so far I've been lucky
[13:17] Gregonzola: So, I don't know how it tastes.
[13:18] Gregonzola: As an anosmic, I'd probably have an atypical experience anyway.
[13:18] Gregonzola: "Huh, this shit isn't so bad."
[13:18] jesabele: ew
[13:18] Gregonzola: It's only conjecture, Jesa dear. I haven't tried it.
[13:18] Everybody hands Grego some crackers and a butterknife.
[13:18] Gregonzola: Haha!
[13:19] fantabulous: Shittin on the ritz.
[13:19] fantabulous: Do do do do do do.

Mom Thumper

[11:03] Everybody drinks a whiskey drink, drinks a vodka drink.
[11:12] kashieda: walla walla
[11:12] Grimmy Dusk: ding dong
[11:12] Gregonzola: Pooch is going to be pissing the night away.
[11:13] kashieda: them taters sure hit the spud
[11:13] kashieda: Everybode gets knocked down, up and sideways
[11:13] Gregonzola: I like the whore version. "I get knocked up, but I get down again!"
[11:14] kashieda: yaay
[11:14] Everybody: Pissing is so nice for the soul.
[11:14] Everybody: I fuck YOUR MOM. THEN I GET UP AGAIN.

I love libraries

[11:32] Gregonzola: I love libraries. -hic-
[11:34] NataliaM: heh
[11:35] Gregonzola: I'm pretty sure with the internet, public libraries mostly exist now so that the homeless have a place to wash their junk, should they be so inclined.
[11:35] Gregonzola: "Huh. Junk's dirty again. Don't remember how that happened. Guess I'd better get to the library."
[11:35] NataliaM: yeah, that's one thing that makes me sad about the rise of the internet- libraries are a casualty
[11:36] NataliaM: that and for losers to download porn in public
[11:37] Shoo86: whats a library?
[11:38] NataliaM: it's a type of bathroom for the homeless.

I'd do that if I were a horse

[13:05] NataliaM: fuck that guy. also, it'd suck to be the headless horseman's dentist
[13:06] Everybody: Be kind of awesome. He could just leave his head there all the time.
[13:06] Gregonzola: Yep.
[13:06] Gregonzola: Easy access.
[13:06] NataliaM: no. he doesn't have it. that's why he's headLESS. he'd be headful if he still had it somewhere
[13:06] Gregonzola: Hey, Mafia. I'd love for my left pane to load since I'm playing now.
[13:07] Everybody: Who doesn't like to be headful?
[13:07] Gregonzola: When that man asks for head, he's not after the usual favor.
[13:07] Everybody: Why would you want John the Baptist's penis?
[13:07] NataliaM: his horse should fuck with him all the time. "yeah, we're going to the old covered bridge, not to the oats and hay"