Mantz's Wicked Awesome New Bah

RAMONE: wat

RAMONE: I went to mantz's new bah today. opening day. swank

fantabulous: Did you get the earlybird special?

RAMONE: of course, duh

RAMONE: I had to be back at the Home by 7

RAMONE: Matlock

Gregonzola: Is it all it's been advertised to be?

RAMONE: It's insane

RAMONE: Huge

Gregonzola: But designed to have intimate spaces so it feels like a little pub, he said.

RAMONE: he was talking about ur mom

Gregonzola: She's like that. Makes everyone feel right at home between her legs. Nice lady.

RAMONE: ok that wasn't my best material

Gregonzola: You did your best, Lee. Which is what my mom told me.

RAMONE: Anyway, it's pretty awesome

RAMONE: HA

Gregonzola: If I'm on Bahstan, I'm checking that place out. -hic-

Gregonzola: It sounds great.

fantabulous: It doesn't sound like the kind of place where everyone wee's on each other.

Gregonzola: It's huge. There's room for a pLeenkler.

RAMONE: :|

Gregonzola: ASCII faces still can make me laugh out loud.

Gregonzola is an easy room

Gregonzola: Countdown to mom joke in 3, 2, 1... Aw, denied.

RAMONE: I was working on it

RAMONE: LIKE UR MOM

RAMONE: lololololololoolollo lolololoooollllooo

Research I can get behind and squeeze

Squeezing breasts could prevent cancer, best study ever says

You'd think it would be an Onion article, but it isn't.  It's real, live and very important science.  I do disagree somewhat with the article's author. 

New research has shown that squeezing breasts could prevent malignant breast cells from causing cancer. This doesn’t give pervy dudes license to grope you on the subway, ladies, but it does mean boob-grabbing should be a regular part of your self-care routine (yes, absolutely try it DIY-style). Experiments found that physical pressure led cells back to normal growth patterns, and that even after compression was no longer applied, the malignant cells stopped growing. Spread the word, boob-lovers of the world.

Why try it DIY style when you can prevent cancer and make the gentleman or lady of your choice happy?  Further, I think I see a business opportunity here.  Licensed Clinical Breast Cancer Prevention Therapist.  

I've never wondered that until now

[14:00] Everybody: This whole "teleporting INTO prison thing" could be the start of a great women-behind-bars movie.
[14:00] Everybody: So, we need a chick who would bang nightcrawler.
[14:00] Everybody: I mean, seriously, why do you think his name is "Nightcrawler"?
[14:00] Everybody: We can call him "Darkstalker" or something for this.
[14:04] Everybody: There's going to be this scene where he teleports from orifice to orifice.
[14:06] Everybody: Oh, you don't do AtM?
[14:06] Everybody: *bamf bamf*  
[14:07] Big Daddy Grimm: thats why those x-women wear the skin tight stuff
[14:08] Big Daddy Grimm: cause nightcrawler can only go somewhere he can see
[14:08] Everybody: OH HO.
[14:08] Big Daddy Grimm: Camel toe? Danke shen. BAMF
[14:08] Everybody: BAMFITYBAMFBAMFBAMF.
[14:09] Big Daddy Grimm: i just pictured Colossus waving his metal penis at storm saying "make it rain!"
[14:10] Big Daddy Grimm: i wonder if rust is an issue...
[14:10] Everybody: "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!"
[14:10] Big Daddy Grimm: i also wonder if he ejacualtes wd-40  
[14:10] Everybody: As long as he gets a running start, he can just keep impaling them. -hic-
[14:11] Everybody: In fact, poor Cyclops, he has one of the least useful-in-bed powers.
[14:12] Big Daddy Grimm: juggernaught is like the porn energizer bunny.
[14:12] Everybody: "Do you want me to .. heat up that oil for you?"
[14:12] Everybody: That's about it.
[14:12] Everybody: Storm gives the best BJs.
[14:12] Big Daddy Grimm: he keeps coming and coming and coming....
[14:12] Big Daddy Grimm: and rogue has had every x-man AND x-woman in her at some point...
[14:13] Big Daddy Grimm: it would be hard to bang a telepath...she KNOWS when you are picturing someone else...    

We're very Original

[13:42] fantabulous: I had this idea the other day. Someone was talking about the whole "pick up artist" thing.
[13:42] fantabulous: So I thought I'd write a series of books on the topic, and create some expensive courses to go along with it.
[13:42] Gregonzola: I think that's a great idea, Fanta.
[13:42] fantabulous: Kind of like Rich Dad, Poor Dad, but for mindless casual sex instead of shady real estate dealings.
[13:42] Gregonzola: We need to establish some credentials for you.
[13:43] Gregonzola: "After reading this book, I want to bang her like a screen door in a hurricane."
[13:43] Gregonzola: There, that's an affirming quotation for you.
[13:43] fantabulous: I figure if I charge enough, none of these so called "pick up artists" would ever claim that it doesn't work.
[13:43] Big Daddy Grimm: "it made me so comfortable with women, I dont even wear wool SWEATERS anymore" - Redneck Robby
[13:44] Gregonzola: Grimmy's quotation is very good.
[13:44] fantabulous: Because it's my understanding that the last thing someone like that wants to admit is that he doesn't have sex constantly.
[13:47] Big Daddy Grimm: "thanks to this book, i get more ass than the toilet seat at grand central station"
[13:50] Big Daddy Grimm: "my penis hasnt been rubbed this raw since Janet Jackson had that nip slip at the superbowl!
[13:50] Big Daddy Grimm: think we got enough good quotes yet?
[13:53] fantabulous: Probably. I was going to be more deadpan in the astroturfed book reviews.
[13:54] fantabulous: "I had always had a lack of respect for women and always thought of them as mere sexual objects. Thanks to this book, I'm looking at 25 to life."
[13:55] Big Daddy Grimm: thats plagarism from the Mike Tyson Biography

Yes we can

[13:04] Everybody: Can we fuck them to death instead?
[13:04] MISS HAVISHAM: only if they're me.    

Cats: The Origin Story

08:38] Gregonzola: It sounds lovely.
[08:38] Gregonzola: I'm moving to NC.
[08:39] Piter: You should just move to Kure Beach
[08:39] Piter: it's on Pleasure Island
[08:39] Gregonzola: I'm moving to Kure Beach.
[08:39] Gregonzola: I thought about Arizona, but snakes.
[08:39] Piter: accessible by Route 421, or a ferry from Southport, NC
[08:40] Gregonzola: Arizona needs St. Patrick to come by.
[08:40] MISS HAVISHAM: hmm, i haven't seen one, but they happen all the time
[08:40] MISS HAVISHAM: i don't mind snakes so much. in theory.
[08:40] MISS HAVISHAM: lizards in the house are weird, though
[08:40] MISS HAVISHAM: that's why god invented cats.
[08:41] Gregonzola: Omnom. Delicious lizards.
[08:41] Gregonzola: God created cats.
[08:41] Gregonzola: And cats were good in the sight of God.
[08:41] Gregonzola: Verily he saith unto the cats, "Go forth and suffer not a reptile to live upon the face of this land."
[08:42] Gregonzola: And the cats did misunderstand, thinking that they had been commanded to eat houseplants.
[08:42] Gregonzola: But eventually they caught on, but did not give up the house plant habit.
[08:43] Gregonzola: But cats, having been one time rebellious, were thrust out from the Garden of Eden.
[08:43] Gregonzola: Whereupon they did say, "Cool with us. Too many rules there anyway. Peace out."
[08:43] MISS HAVISHAM: seems legit    

Yes, they really do

[12:21] jesabele: I let a girl near my box once, it was weird
[12:21] Everybody: Weird in which way?
[12:21] jesabele: just awkward
[12:21] jesabele: wasn't all that enjoyable    
[12:22] jesabele: also, tits are kind of awesome.    

Order of Events

[11:46] jesabele: I am actually not that great of a cook. I can make a few things
[11:46] Everybody: It seems like it takes valuable time and has a very limiting set of rituals.
[11:46] Everybody: When chicks cook for you, they want you to "sit down at a table" with them and "talk about your day".
[11:47] Everybody: And then there are dishes to do, and such. Grab an apple, make a sandwich, let's go do something before the sun sets.
[11:47] jesabele: If I cook for someone it is to show appreciation because I hate cooking
[11:47] Everybody: Also, chicks wanna cook and then fuck, and that's backwards.
[11:47] Everybody: You're all full of food and your senses are tuned down and what fun is that?
[11:48] jesabele: I don't like to have sex right after eating
[11:48] Everybody: Hit it while you're starving and ravenous.
[11:48] jesabele: that is probably the only time I don't like having sex
[11:50] Everybody: Get home, smoke a bowl, fuck like bunnies, then around 3am go, "Damn, is steak and shake open?"
[11:50] jesabele: Ohgodd. Smoking used to make me horny
[11:51] Everybody: That's why I avoid it among strangers.
[11:51] jesabele: that is why I never did it alone
[11:51] Everybody: Smoke a bit and then "Hello, I'm a whore!"
[11:51] Everybody: The first time my friend brought over some really fine stuff.. man, it was just killer.
[11:52] Everybody: I was thoroughly destroyed on it and then I looked at him and said, "Uhh. You'll have to excuse us."
[11:53] jesabele: I used to play Mario Kart and bone between races
[11:53] Everybody: (This would be funny if there were nobody else in the room at the time.)
[11:53] Everybody: Why not just do it while you're racing?
[11:53] Everybody: It seems viable. Little bit of reverse-cowgirl.
[11:53] jesabele: I cannot focus on the TV while being pounded

Blazing Clan

[10:33] Everybody: Scuse me while I whip dis out.
[10:34] jesabele puts on her goggles
[10:34] MISS HAVISHAM ducks
[10:34] Everybody finishes the credit card transaction.
[10:34] Everybody puts it back away.

That's good information

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Piter Knows

[11:56] Piter: I did ether once and ended up laying on the floor of a strip club.
[11:57] jesabele: Sounds like a good time
[11:57] MISS HAVISHAM: no, it doesn't
[11:58] PizzaDaHutt: ok time
[11:58] Piter: I told the bouncer I'd let myself out. He threw me out anyhow, but I couldn't feel it.
[11:58] Piter: And that's really the end of my story.
[11:59] jesabele: Piter knows how to party    

I see

Tattoo Locations

Drinking by Nationality

In honor of Mantz's new place.

One night in Amsterdam

[12:48] Everybody: Ok. Dinner's on. I should probably no be here while I eat it.
[12:48] Everybody logged off.
[12:49] MISS HAVISHAM: here i am, minding my own pleasant shoohorn business, and THIS conversation starts
[12:49] MISS HAVISHAM: also pooch, wtf kind of dinnertime is this
[12:49] MISS HAVISHAM: krak, what did you do to chat
[12:49] KrakMunky69: it's 4 pm, pooch catches the early bird so he can be back at the home for lights out
[12:49] Shoo86: lol
[12:49] MISS HAVISHAM: lol
[12:50] fantabulous: I never want to live in a retirement home.
[12:50] Gregonzola: It's Friday. He has to eat early so he's not full when the sexcapades start.
[12:50] MISS HAVISHAM: i thought Thursday was merry-go-round day
[12:51] MISS HAVISHAM: did i get my calendar mixed up again
[12:51] Gregonzola: Yes, but Friday is sexcapades day.
[12:51] Gregonzola: Thursday is playground/circus themed.
[12:51] fantabulous: He has to eat early so that the food is in his large intestine when it's time for sexcapades.
[12:51] MISS HAVISHAM: oh. i'm glad we have a social chair. i could never kee up.
[12:52] Gregonzola: It's okay. You'll get it in time. Probably in most of your orifices knowing the sexcapades.
[12:52] MISS HAVISHAM: hmm, i guess that between Pooch's large intestine and Mone's peenkler, we could charge a pretty penny for the show
[12:52] MISS HAVISHAM: ...in which i will not be participating.
[12:52] MISS HAVISHAM: i'll take money for tickets. behind a floor-to-ceiling glass wall.
[12:53] KrakMunky69: people pay good money for that in Amsterdam    

Next time

[12:01] sWINgSet: damn went to click on the tab and closed it
[12:01] sWINgSet: what did i miss?
[12:02] MISS HAVISHAM: now you'll never know
[12:02] MISS HAVISHAM: it was jesa's noodz
[12:02] sWINgSet: who do you think held the camera
[12:03] Shoo86: haha
[12:03] MISS HAVISHAM: i guess you're not missing anything, then. you've had the pleasure!
[12:03] sWINgSet: oh i've *had* the pleasure :P
[12:05] jesabele: Next time don't bother with the roofies
[12:05] jesabele: I would like to remember it    

How well she knows us

[10:03] Avatar of Sneaky JarlsBoris: would you guys move into a nice but super tiny apartment if it was mega cheap?
[10:03] Avatar of Sneaky JarlsBoris: I mean, like, SUPER tiny.
[10:03] Everybody: Define 'nice'?
[10:03] Everybody: And how much time do you spend around the house?
[10:04] Avatar of Sneaky JarlsBoris: Mostly just to sleep and saddrink
[10:04] Everybody: Would you saddrink more with less space?
[10:04] Shoo86: saddrink lol
[10:04] jesabele: Thom, a small apartment is still a step up from living with Matthole
[10:05] Gregonzola: Thom, if you're just sleeping there, it's fine.
[10:05] MISS HAVISHAM: you're one person. it's fine.
[10:05] Shoo86: where you gonna bang hot chics?
[10:06] MISS HAVISHAM: online, of course    

Haptic Feedback will need to be a bit more advanced for that

[08:09] sWINgSet: for 11 bucks a game needs to give head and make sandwiches
[08:09] sWINgSet: get with the times!    

Yoga Pants: The Sequel - Yoga Pants and Crazy Sex

 [clan] JoshTheManiac: God bless Yoga pants.
[clan] Shoo86: bless yoga pants and ignore africa
[clan] Shoo86: lol
[clan] Everybody: Amen, yoga pantzez.
[clan] KrakMunky69: mmm yoga pants
[clan] Everybody: Mm, pants.
[clan] KrakMunky69: the pictures of megan fox on a trampoline in yoga pants from the TMNT set are amazing
[clan] Shoo86: megan fox is gross -hic-
[clan] Grimmy: how so?
[clan] KrakMunky69: she's crazy as hell but i don't mind crazy
[clan] KrakMunky69: the best sex is always from crazy
[clan] Everybody: The 5 years of therapy afterward as well.

Yoga Booty...Its the American Way!

clan] sWINgSet: ohay guys
[clan] Grimmy: hey bossman!
[clan] sWINgSet: yo grimmeh
[clan] sWINgSet: i'm just headed out
[clan] Shoo86: mantz
[clan] sWINgSet: booty call and she the AUDACITY to make me come to her place

(soonish after)

clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: who let swingset in?
[clan] KrakMunky69: lolwut
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: shoo's gf is hot
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: and totally into me
[clan] Shoo86: haha
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: that's not my booty call, though.
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: not tonight, at least
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: ;)
[clan] Shoo86: thanks

[clan] KrakMunky69: but yet he totally pretends she doesn't exist half the time lol
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: it isn't like he's trolling for pussy here
[clan] Shoo86: trawlin
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: he's just... what's the opposite of afk?
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: at fucking keyboard >:|
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: spreadsheetin
[clan] Shoo86: haha
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: okay i gotta run before this gets crazy
[clan] KrakMunky69: and talking about checking out girls asses on the train
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: love you guys
[clan] Shoo86: i moved around my spreadsheet and put stuff on the right days mantzf
[clan] Shoo86: orm what i did
[clan] KrakMunky69: adios mantz, have fun
[clan] Shoo86: woo!
[clan] Shoo86: later dude
[clan] Shoo86: lol krak
[clan] Shoo86: i have a gf, im not dead
[clan] hAm SaLad sandwich: checking out asses is our god given right as americans

[clan] Shoo86: haha
[clan] JoshTheManiac: God bless Yoga pants

clan] Shoo86: bless yoga pants and ignore africa
[clan] Shoo86: lol

Shoo: The Doctor of KOLogy

 [clan] sWINgSet: ohay guys
[clan] Grimmy: hey bossman!
[clan] sWINgSet: yo grimmeh
[clan] sWINgSet: i'm just headed out
[clan] Grimmy: i juts popped on for a miniute . just put kids to bed and have to wash dishes
[clan] Grimmy: Have Fun and Stay Groovy!
[clan] Shoo86: mantz
[clan] sWINgSet: booty call and she the AUDACITY to make me come to her place
[clan] Shoo86: you guys are jerks
[clan] sWINgSet: later mang
[clan] Shoo86: haha -hic-
[clan] sWINgSet: no
[clan] KrakMunky69: lol
[clan] Shoo86: later mance -hic-
[clan] Shoo86: shit -hic-
[clan] Shoo86: i thought of you today krak
[clan] Grimmy: why you complainn shoo?
[clan] Shoo86: but now i forget why
[clan] KrakMunky69: oh?
[clan] Grimmy: aint you got a hot doc gf who can probably do runs faster than you?
[clan] KrakMunky69: good memory
[clan] Shoo86: haha, she doesnt play and would not do runs faster than me if she did [clan] Shoo86: sure she's saved lives but how many bronze buttons does she have? -hic-
[clan] Shoo86: i win