Piter's making it big

[07:42] Piter: gergs. I have an EP. Like a real rapper.
[07:43] Gregonzola: Saweet.
[07:43] Gregonzola: You're a real rapper!
[07:43] Gregonzola: Now you need to get Nicki Minaj to rap in the middle of one of your singles and you're golden.
[07:45] Piter: I think I'd rather swallow broken glass.
[07:45] Gregonzola: That would probably make your singing career a bit tougher.

Krokodil

[09:41] Piter: No thanks. I'd rather not take drugs made with gasoline
[09:42] Gregonzola: Wuss. -hic-

Open Zipper Night

[11:50] Piter: so guys, I think I'm gonna try to perform at the Nerdapalooza open mic event :D
[11:50] Gregonzola: Where did Thom go? Is he on another drinking and masturbating binge?
[11:51] Gregonzola: Do it Piter!
[11:51] kashieda: Yay, Piter
[11:51] Everybody: DO IT, PITER!
[11:51] kashieda: what's your go? -hic-
[11:51] Big Daddy Grimm: since when are those two different things?
[11:51] Everybody tries to think of a liquor with a more generous opening size.
[11:51] Big Daddy Grimm: do it piter
[11:51] Piter: I think I will. I'm gonna do Kim Press B and then Dakka Slakka with my alloted time
[11:51] Piter: it'll be my first time on stage rapping
[11:52] Gregonzola: *fapping
[11:52] Everybody: Do a line of coke first. It will help.
[11:52] Everybody gives professional advice.
[11:52] RAMONE: no he's done that before
[11:52] Piter: Yeah, I got pulled on stage in Amsterdam once at a sex show
[11:52] Piter: got paid for that

Fish Tacos

[11:25] Gregonzola: I do love a good fish taco.
[11:25] jesabele: have not had one is a long time
[11:26] jesabele: in fact, the last time I had fish tacos I could only eat one...
[11:26] jesabele: I fail at life, obviously
[11:26] Everybody: I thought you were the drunk-receiving- bisexual only.
[11:27] Everybody: I didn't think you ate "fish tacos" at all?
[11:27] jesabele: I don't munch box, if that is what you are implying
[11:28] RAMONE: he was implying that you don't
[11:28] RAMONE: post pix to prove it
[11:30] jesabele: I am surprised there isn't a picture of me eating fish tacos
[11:31] Piter totally doesn't have that picture. Totally.
[11:34] Gregonzola: IIRC, Jesa does not eat box, and also isn't comfortable with other ladies eating her box.
[11:34] Gregonzola: So no pictures for you perverts.
[11:34] Piter: preverts
[11:35] Everybody: Trueverts.
[11:36] Gregonzola: They don't believe you, Jesa.
[11:36] RAMONE: pics anyway
[11:36] Gregonzola: Just link us a picture of your box. When they see there's no one munching it right now, they'll believe it.
[11:37] RAMONE: ^
[11:37] Gregonzola: She'll be back in a sec, guys. She's photographing her taco.
[11:39] Gregonzola: It's also important to preserve it for the historical record. "This is what Jesa's place looked like before the Great Gang Bang of New Year's Eve 2013."
[11:39] RAMONE: same as before last year's, same as after
[11:40] RAMONE: Anyone ever been to Rome?
[11:40] RAMONE: The ruins there come to mind
[11:40] Gregonzola: Heh.
[11:41] RAMONE: One majestic, now ancient, crumbling, pillaged over the years
[11:41] RAMONE: But still attracting thousands of sightseers a year
[11:41] Everybody: I'll take "Your Mother" for $1000, Trebeq.

Sour like a what now?

[10:25] Gregonzola: Piter doesn't use buttplugs.
[10:25] Gregonzola: He's 12.
[10:25] Everybody: Size 12 or ...?
[10:26] Piter: You're a crabapple
[10:26] Everybody hands Piter his /clan homework.
[10:26] Piter: You're all crabapples
[10:27] Everybody: We're certainly sour.
[10:27] Everybody: Like a golden shower.

Piter is Fucking Superhuman

[13:36] RAMONE: s-s-s-stfu *brr!*
[13:36] fantabulous: How was dinner, Ramone?
[13:36] Everybody: Hah, Ramone got his dick stuck in Mrs. Frosty again.
[13:36] RAMONE: FUCK YOU FANBUTT
[13:37] RAMONE: E-E-Everybutty *brr!*
[13:37] RAMONE: Jesabutt
[13:37] Everybody turns it on "high" and "oscillate".
[13:37] Piter: Oldverb
[13:37] RAMONE: Go play Jeopardy
[13:38] Piter: I WILL
[13:38] Piter: and I'll clear both boards
[13:38] Piter: 'cause I'm a fuckin' superhuman, damn it

That changes things

[12:25] jesabele: you are not allowed to leave
[12:26] Piter: I do what I want
[12:26] Piter: I answer to no one.
[12:26] Everybody: What about for $30?

Money Shots

[13:31] zweitracht: I do get free homebrew because of his influence, though.
[13:31] zweitracht: So, points for him.
[13:31] Gregonzola: He has now tipped the balance way in his favor.
[13:32] jesabele: wait, you are concerned about letting me handle flames and drugs? [No, Jesa, we aren't]
[13:32] miss havisham: i want free homebrew. where do you meet these husbands?
[13:32] miss havisham: craigslist ad in the Havi 4 Homebrew Husbands category?
[13:32] zweitracht: Via their wives.
[13:33] Piter: yes. I don't want to burn to death when you LIGHT MY TOWN ON FIRE
[13:33] zweitracht: How do I meet their wives? Now that, THAT, is a whole 'nother story.
[13:33] Gregonzola: Pooch has a secret Glamor Shots business on the side.
[13:33] Gregonzola: He calls it "Money Shots."
[13:33] zweitracht: But it involves hotels ,booze, and their wives' mothers.
[13:33] zweitracht: I'm glad someone else went there for me. -hic-

Casey Jones

[13:52] Piter: whoo whoo I'm a railroad
[13:55] miss havisham: whoo whoo WHY WON'T YOU SHARE YOUR DRUGS

Piter May be High

[09:33] Piter: there are frogs in space
[09:33] Piter: who knew?
[09:34] PizzaDaHutt: toads?
[09:38] Piter: toads carry disease
[09:38] Piter: frogs carry magic

Why Scooby Couldn't Smell the Difference

[14:00] Everybody: Scooby Doo was actually pretty stupid.
[14:00] Everybody: I've never understood why he would mistake a person for a ghost. A dog can smell the difference.
[14:02] Piter: too much marijuana

Piter's Meatballs are The Shit

[09:23] Piter: eat a sandbag
[09:23] Gregonzola: I don't think I will.
[09:24] Piter: please?
[09:24] Piter: it's delicious
[09:24] Piter: tastes like apple juice and HORSES
[09:24] miss havisham: I'm gonna pass.
[09:24] Shoo86: hey piter
[09:24] Gregonzola: No passing if it's like apple juice AND horses. I'm having some.
[09:24] miss havisham: oh, i thought that said "apple piss"
[09:24] Piter: Haldo, Shoose.
[09:24] miss havisham: apple JUICE, i'll think about.
[09:25] Shoo86: apple juice and horses? you'd love eating at ikea
[09:25] Gregonzola does
[09:26] Piter: YOU BET
[09:26] Piter: omnom
[09:26] Piter: actually, I've never eaten at Ikea, but my Swedish meatballs are the shit
[09:26] Piter: which was almost "Swedish metaballs"
[09:26] miss havisham: what did i miss
[09:26] Gregonzola: You know, whenever people say food is "the shit" I suddenly lose all desire to try it.
[09:26] miss havisham: i accidentally left chat. again.
[09:27] Gregonzola: I may visualize too much.
[09:27] miss havisham: i feel that way about "the tits"
[09:27] miss havisham: more than "the shit"
[09:27] miss havisham: i wonder if i am a deeply disturbed human.
[09:27] Gregonzola: You associate tits and shit? No wonder you don't like them. Also, we need to talk about your childhood.
[09:27] Piter: well, it's delicious.
[09:27] Gregonzola: Shit?
[09:27] Gregonzola: I'm gonna take your word on that.

A budgie goes to paradise

[13:51] Piter: Grimmy, are you a member of a race of tricky lobster people?
[13:51] Tiny Plastic GrimmSpoon: wasnt there an incident where the lobster or whatever they were using laid eggs in the womans vagina and bad things happened?
[13:52] miss havisham: NO
[13:52] miss havisham: THERE WAS NOT
[13:52] miss havisham: EVER.
[13:54] fantabulous: Why would someone put crustaceans in their vagina? Live or dead.
[13:54] Tiny Plastic GrimmSpoon: dont ask me. i didnt start this one
[13:55] Everybody: ARE THEY LIVE OR DEAD! HAVE THEY SHRIMPS THEIR IN THE BED?
[13:55] Piter: Why would someone smuggle a budgie into a prison in their vagina?
[13:55] miss havisham: and since then my philosophy about the human body is "use it while you've got it"
[13:55] Piter: Furthermore, how would someone go about smuggle a big flatscreen tv into an Irish prison in one's vagina?
[13:55] Piter: Inquiring minds want to know.
[13:55] miss havisham: i could smuggle a very SMALL flatscreen TV into an irish prison, in my vagina.
[13:58] Gregonzola: [21:02] miss havisham: i asked her just to pull it out instead
[13:58] miss havisham: i could smuggle a larger one in my purse
[13:59] miss havisham: is this a viable career alternative?
[13:59] Gregonzola: It is!
[13:59] Gregonzola: It's called muling.
[13:59] Gregonzola: Being a mule may not sound glamorous, but it actually is!
[13:59] Everybody: Can I suggesting something to smuggle in your vagina?
[14:00] Everybody: Wait. A BUDGIE? Poor budgie. How did it breathe?
[14:00] Piter: I don't know. But it did survive and was confiscated.
[14:01] miss havisham: um. is it a lobster tail?
[14:01] Everybody: What colour is it?
[14:01] RAMONE: scrotum
[14:01] Piter: scrotum brown -hic-
[14:02] Carling: scrotum beige
[14:02] Piter: texture like sun
[14:02] Piter: lays me down
[14:02] Piter: with my mind she runs
[14:02] Everybody: There are no scrotum-coloured budgies!
[14:02] miss havisham: wow so this is how word salad works
[14:02] Piter: bullshit
[14:02] miss havisham: i've just landed inside a schizophrenic mind
[14:03] Everybody: No, Havi, I may have a sample of word salad somewhere.
[14:03] miss havisham: that can't be true, pooch. a scrotum could be one of a number of colors. i'm sure there is a budgie somewhere to match one of them.
[14:03] Everybody: What color is your scrotum?! Fallow-cobalt?
[14:03] Piter: had to match the hair, dude
[14:04] Gregonzola: Levar Burton taught me on Reading Rainbow that my scrotum can be anything. -hic-
[14:04] miss havisham: take a look, it's in greg's scrotum,
[14:04] miss havisham: i'm not gonna finish that song
[14:04] Gregonzola: A dangling rainbow!
[14:07] Piter: right, on the note of Greg's dangling, rainbow scrotum
[14:07] Piter: I'll see you cats later

He's a bit senstive this time of the month

[11:10] Piter: man, my hair looks weird when it's not up now >.> -hic-
[11:11] Everybody: Your hair needs levitra.
[11:11] Piter: oh, it's way up now. But I washed the two-day-old product out of it and a blue mohawk looks weird laying flat
[11:14] Big Daddy Grimm: its a blue combover
[11:14] Big Daddy Grimm: when punk rockers hit middle age
[11:15] Piter: just 'cause I have grey hair doesn't mean I'm not in my 20s! :'(
[11:15] Piter runs off crying

Wood Chippers and Charlatans

[08:01] Piter: GregoryGorgonzola: sell free fairy-worn boots and use profits to crash agua de vida market temporarily?
[08:03] Gregonzola: Who is this bastard?
[08:03] Everybody: Which one?
[08:03] Gregonzola: Looking to steal my Agua de Vida profits?
[08:03] Unknown Player: gregorygorgonzola
[08:03] Piter: I'm looking to collect.
[08:03] Gregonzola: His name is too close to mine. We must kill him.
[08:05] Gregonzola: Hm. He doesn't come up with a /whois.
[08:05] Gregonzola: I'm going to go poop and then mail it to him.
[08:05] Piter: I was asking you. I thought GregoryGorgonzola was your full name.
[08:15] Gregonzola: Nope, no relation.
[08:15] Gregonzola: But I'm annoyed someone chose something that close to my name.
[08:16] Piter facepalm
[08:18] Gregonzola: I don't do nasty things like try to crash the market.
[08:16] Everybody totally takes advantage of his neighbor.
[08:16] Everybody: He's got people over there doing tree work, so I'm getting free wood chips.
[08:17] Everybody: Then I'm going to be like ,"Oh, since you guys are here, want to turn a few extra bucks with that wood chipper?"
[08:17] Everybody: And then in a few weeks when he calls a dude with a stump grinder, I'll be like, "Hey, since you're already here...."
[08:18] miss havisham: and then when your neighbor calls a prostitute...
[08:18] miss havisham: you guys can put her in the wood chipper too
[08:18] Everybody: My neighbor is a dedicated, married man.
[08:18] miss havisham: efficiency.
[08:18] miss havisham: well, i didn't speculate as to what he was going to do with her

Fucking Thursday

[09:17] Shoo86: hey jerks
[09:18] miss havisham: hey a-hole
[09:18] miss havisham: happy fucking thursday
[09:18] Piter: yo yo, Shoothulu
[09:18] Shoo86: =D -hic-
[09:18] miss havisham: i thought it was friday this morning, so i wore jeans
[09:18] Shoo86: whats goin on?
[09:18] miss havisham: this will go well during our 3-hour department meeting this afternoon i'm sure
[09:18] Shoo86: haha, oh no!
[09:18] Piter: been playing Organ Trail: Director's Cut this morning
[09:18] Shoo86: i realiezed on week 5/6 of a rotation that fridays were casual days
[09:19] Shoo86: nobody bothered telling me
[09:19] Gregonzola: Wait, fucking Thursday? We get to fuck today?
[09:19] Gregonzola: I'm going to go inform my coworkers.
[09:19] Everybody: Dicks!
[09:19] Shoo86: and i didnt bother paying attention to what people were wearing
[09:19] miss havisham: lol shoo
[09:19] Everybody: Uniform your coworkers!
[09:19] miss havisham: that's what it says on my calendar, greg
[09:19] Gregonzola: Great calendar.
[09:20] Everybody: Right after hump day. -hic-
[09:20] miss havisham: gotta keep busy
[09:21] Gregonzola: *get

Giving it a shot

[12:35] Carling: ok Shoo and Krak are up next
[12:35] Carling: on loot when anyone sees em
[12:35] Gregonzola: Yelling "fellatio" only calls Pooch, right?
[12:35] Gregonzola: I bet it could work for Krak and/or Shoo, though.
[12:35] Everybody: It sounds like yodeling. Fe-eh-la-SHEE-oo- ooh!
[12:35] Piter: Shooligan is going to Scamton, so he might be on later
[12:35] Piter: well then,
[12:36] Piter calls fe-eh-la-SHEE-oo- ooh!

Crap Piter Says

[12:44] Piter knows the internet is watching. I can see you!
[13:56] Piter: I am NOT blowing pooch to get a bag of rice. No way in hell.
[12:26] Piter: elongated member
[13:33] Piter: That'd be something members of a race of tricky lobster people would say to keep me off balance.
[09:23] Piter: eat a sandbag
[11:37] Piter: if you root it, all you really would need is to move the .apk to the root folder and install them with the Package Installer
[11:37] Piter: (which is, of course, the name of my pelvis) 
[09:38] Piter: frogs carry magic 

Shoo's Romantic Window

[12:33] MasterSilex: oh havi i finished the goatlet in 5 turns
[12:33] miss havisham: .................... ..what
[12:33] miss havisham: WHAT
[12:33] MasterSilex: 3 more turns until my romantic window opens
[12:33] miss havisham: your... romantic... window.
[12:33] MasterSilex: so i dont want to do the outskirts until that starts
[12:33] Piter: he means his anus
[12:33] miss havisham: his anus is on a tight schedule
[12:33] MasterSilex: and i dont wanna waste 2 turns of chorale/thignfinder by starting the nook
[12:34] MasterSilex: so idk what to do
[12:34] jesabele: remember, Shoo, just relax
[12:34] jesabele: ease it in
[12:34] MasterSilex: actually, i guess i could just do the nook anyway
[12:34] Piter: by nook, he also means anus 

Jesa's box is safe, everyone

[11:57] jesabele: also, pretty sure a spider has been chewing on me while I am sleeping
[12:00] Piter: fucking spiders
[12:01] jesabele: they find me to be particularly tasty
[12:12] miss havisham: hey everyone
[12:12] miss havisham: did i miss anything fantastic yet today while i was idle
[12:12] jesabele: not raelly
[12:15] Gregonzola: You missed Piter: fucking spiders
[12:16] Piter: Pony play's a know go, but sex with a spider?
[12:16] Piter: no go
[12:16] Piter: damn what is WRONG with me today
[12:16] jesabele: the same thing that is wrong with me
[12:16] jesabele: and possibly Havi
[12:16] miss havisham: i bet most spiders would die if fucked by a human
[12:16] miss havisham: so i'm for it.
[12:17] Gregonzola: If you sexed up Jesa's spider, you'd probably fill its book lungs with semen and then it would die of asphyxiation. Aren't you willing to save Jesa with your semen?
[12:17] Gregonzola: Yeah, what Havi said.
[12:17] jesabele: also, there was this theory for awhile that led to me being called Spider Queen and my vagina being the spiderbox
[12:17] MasterSilex: i ate crickets once
[12:18] miss havisham: was it in pasta or tacos, i forget
[12:18] miss havisham: in that same week another friend ate crickets
[12:18] Piter: ...what
[12:18] miss havisham: one of them was pasta and one crickets
[12:18] miss havisham: er, one taco
[12:18] jesabele: see, Havi is right there with us, Piter
[12:19] Gregonzola: Um, tell us abut this theory, Jesa.
[12:19] jesabele: I was still new in black lung
[12:20] jesabele: and one morning I woke up with a hobo spider in my underwear
[12:20] Gregonzola: Um terrifying.
[12:20] jesabele: it didn't bite me, just chilled in my ass crack for who knows how long
[12:20] jesabele: so ExAc started saying I had arachnoginitis
[12:20] Gregonzola: You mesmerized it. It was saying, "Dat ass!"
[12:21] jesabele: and then people started sending me their spider webs
[12:24] jesabele: so for awhile I had the largest collection of them
[12:24] jesabele: and the theory was that the next person to penetrate me would release the eggs 
[12:24] Gregonzola: That's a big incentive not to penetrate you.
[12:24] miss havisham: SCARY
[12:25] jesabele: well, I have been penetrated many times since then
[12:25] Gregonzola: No spiders?
[12:25] jesabele: so unless those spiders need to incubate for more than 5 years I would say it is safe