Interactive voice response and Voice to Text

[17:42] Viral_Effigy: and it won't connect you until you at least try using the IVR
[17:42] everyman4: everyone knows the press zero button and they are trying to circle vent that
[17:42] everyman4: circumvent
[17:42] everyman4: come on samsung
[17:42] Viral_Effigy: no i like circle vent better
[17:42] Viral_Effigy: we're going with circle vent
[17:43] everyman4: like a circle jerk for farting

The Paleo Diet and Jabba the Hut

[10:07] Gun_Mage: oliver, Im on the paleo diet
[10:07] Gun_Mage: more like lifestyle
[10:07] Gregonzola: Oh, my bad. He does eat squirrels.
[10:08] xTyrx: and the occasional dead human
[10:08] Oliver Sudden: As in, eating what our ancestors would have eaten?
[10:08] Gregonzola: GM, paleolithic man probably still clubbed women over the heads. I believe we've just solved your marriage problem.
[10:08] Oliver Sudden: Yeah, we've evolved quite a bit from those days.
[10:09] xTyrx: Clubs are to messy you would be better off with a sharp stick
[10:09] Gun_Mage: basically
[10:09] Gun_Mage: this is how you can sum up my diet
[10:09] Gun_Mage: I am grain and dairy free
[10:09] Gun_Mage: and I eat protein, and veggies, and SOME fruit
[10:09] Gun_Mage: thats basically it
[10:09] Oliver Sudden: Why only some fruit?
[10:09] Gregonzola: Oliver, his wife needs a clubbing. It's not something I'd say lightly, as I don't believe in violence against women.
[10:09] Gregonzola: It turns out he married Jabba the Hut.
[10:09] Gun_Mage: heh
[10:10] Oliver Sudden: Gosh Greg.
[10:10] Gun_Mage: yep =(
[10:10] Gregonzola: I'm okay with violence against Jabba.
[10:10] Gun_Mage: lol
[10:10] Viral_Effigy: Ohhh ho ho usa do hajva wo Greg
[10:10] Gun_Mage: at least she LETS me still diet
[10:10] Gun_Mage: but she gets mad at me when girls notice me =P
[10:11] Big Daddy Grimm: what about when guys check you out?
[10:11] Gun_Mage: lol
[10:11] xTyrx: I was just about to ask that
[10:11] Gun_Mage: olivers the only guy who checks me out, and she doesnt know him =P

VE Has Hulk Hands

[21:31] Viral_Effigy: AND I SWEAR IF JICK FUCKS ME OUT OF MY 4 DAY RUN I WILL GO TO KOLCON THIS YEAR JUST TO PUNCH HIM IN THE ASSHOLE. WHILE WEARING HULK HANDS.

Where not to stick your Dick

[20:00] AlbinoPanther flops
[20:00] jon diaz: hey AP
[20:01] Gregonzola scratches AP's ears
[20:01] Gregonzola: Sorry, AP, looks like we're ladyless tonight.
[20:02] AlbinoPanther shrugs
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: i already pissed off one tonight
[20:02] Viral_Effigy: who'd you piss off?
[20:02] Gregonzola: Oh, no. What went wrong?
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: one of my best IRL friends
[20:02] AlbinoPanther: :/
[20:02] skullfark soulshasser: :(
[20:02] Gregonzola: Sorry, man. That's no fun.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: the plumbing in my house fucked up and flooded part of the kitchen again
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: it got UNDER the flooring
[20:03] Gregonzola: Have you money for flowers? Flowers can fix many things.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: and also into the crawlspace
[20:03] Gregonzola: Not good.
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: she is a gardener. xD
[20:03] skullfark soulshasser: ha
[20:03] AlbinoPanther: so, she cracked a joke about getting a snorkel and i snapped at her for it
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: .. it's been running since sunday, greg. we just noticed it now, because it finally flooded enough to come out of the cabinet.
[20:04] Gregonzola: Yah, home damage is hard to have a sense of humor about.
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: ikr
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: so, we had an argument about that
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: and made up, somewhat
[20:04] xTyrx wanders in
[20:04] AlbinoPanther: but i still feel like a jerk about it
[20:06] AlbinoPanther shrugs
[20:06] skullfark soulshasser: this calls for an epic song
[20:06] skullfark soulshasser: [link] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3ntHpYocc0
[20:07] skullfark soulshasser: a friend of mine told me about these guys last night
[20:07] skullfark soulshasser: ironically because his brother thought i had told him about them
[20:07] Gregonzola: Full circle!
[20:08] AlbinoPanther: i adore tarja, not so much nightwish as a group
[20:08] skullfark soulshasser: rocks out so fukkin hard
[20:08] skullfark soulshasser: this is the album after she left i believe
[20:08] AlbinoPanther: she's crazy as fuck but What Lies Beneath is such a good album
[20:09] AlbinoPanther: oh, then fuck that
[20:09] AlbinoPanther: (looool, fuck hat)
[20:09] skullfark soulshasser: aww
[20:12] Hexatomb: Never stick your dick in crazy
[20:12] skullfark soulshasser: who's this Crazy person
[20:12] skullfark soulshasser: did somebody misspell "Candy" on her birth certificate
[20:12] Hexatomb: I dunno, I missed the whole conversation
[20:12] Viral_Effigy: never stick your dick in a toaster. unless you're bread.
[20:13] skullfark soulshasser: i'm guessing this is someone AP was not sticking his dick in
[20:13] Gregonzola: A friend made a joke a bit too soon about water damage. AP wasn't ready for it and reacted poorly.
[20:14] Gregonzola: This caused a temporary rift, but AP is still a bit miffed.
[20:14] Hexatomb: He was talking about a fuck hat, so I have no idea
[20:14] AlbinoPanther: LOL
[20:14] Gregonzola: So, she's definitely not getting any panther meat.
[20:14] skullfark soulshasser: that's what the kids are calling condoms these days
[20:14] skullfark soulshasser: fuck hat for little william -hic-
[20:14] Hexatomb: William, so formal
[20:15] AlbinoPanther: ahahaha
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: put it on your pole
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: [link] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2oMMZ59Lgk
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: the guy with the penis vagina aliens
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: only they had to take the penises out
[20:15] skullfark soulshasser: ...and also the vaginas.

Why he really comes to chat

[21:10] AlbinoPanther: i only come in to chat with you fucks... and i get South Park quotes.
[21:11] Viral_Effigy: <3
[21:11] jon diaz: and firefly quotes
[21:11] AlbinoPanther: <3
[21:11] AlbinoPanther: you're not all bad.
[21:11] Viral_Effigy: GUESS I BETTER CLIMB THE FUCKING BEANSTALK EH?
[21:11] jon diaz: we're the least benightedly unintelligent lifeforms you've never had to profound lack of pleasure to be unable to avoid meeting?
[21:12] everyman4: CLIMB IT, BITCH!
[21:12] everyman4: he's here for the tits, diaz, he just claims it's for intellectual discourse

Then what is it?

[18:51] Jesskahh: Call me butter, cuz I'm on a ROLL!
[18:51] Jesskahh pokes Hexa in the butt with a cold finger.
[18:51] Jesskahh smacks Hexa in the butt with a wet noodle.
[18:51] Jesskahh hugs Hexa rather tightly. <3
[18:52] jon diaz: this again?!
[18:52] Gregonzola: She likes the butt.
[18:52] Viral_Effigy: this always
[18:52] Hexatomb: Hi Butter
[18:52] Jesskahh: Nah. Just with Hexa. It's a Hexa-attack.
[18:52] Hexatomb: Jess can smack my ass with whatever she wants
[18:52] Jesskahh: Also,
[18:52] Jesskahh pokes Gregonzola in the butt with a cold finger.
[18:53] Jesskahh: ;)
[18:53] Jesskahh: <3 Hexaaaa.
[18:53] Hexatomb: <3
[18:53] Gregonzola: Oh, my butt. A prostate exam with a cold finger? That's so rude!
[18:54] Hexatomb: just one finger though
[18:54] Gregonzola: Good point. That was thoughtful.
[18:54] Guy999: one finger is all you need
[18:54] Guy999: wait what's being talked about
[18:54] Hexatomb: prostate exams, guy
[18:54] Gregonzola: Butts.
[18:55] jon diaz: clan has the butts disease
[18:56] Viral_Effigy: buttttttts
[18:56] Hexatomb: don't be butt shy, jon
[18:57] Guy999: there's a reason it clenches that tight though
[18:57] Hexatomb: for more friction?
[18:57] Guy999: that too
[18:58] Hexatomb shiftily looks around before covering Jess in silly string
[18:58] Guy999: that's no silly string

When /clan goes quiet

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Let this be a warning to the rest of you

[15:51] Viral_Effigy: I once killed hornets and cut off their heads and put them on toothpicks as a warning.
[15:52] Viral_Effigy: and by once I mean last summer.

Robot and Mom Love

[14:42] Viral_Effigy does the robot
[14:45] Zeklan: from behind?
[14:46] Gregonzola: Robots may have eyes in the backs of their heads. I'm not sure you can sneak up on them that way.
[14:46] AlbinoPanther: beep boop motherfuckers
[14:46] Gregonzola: Moms need love, too. Don't judge.
[14:46] Viral_Effigy: no, head on. i want to look it in the optical receptors
[14:47] Zeklan: thats respectable    

Clan Rules

[13:45] Gun_Mage: NO POOTING
[13:45] Viral_Effigy poots in GM's thermos when he isn't around 

Glad we nailed that down

[13:12] Viral_Effigy drunkenly wanders through the gates and gets naked
[13:12] Gun_Mage: itll be fun
[13:12] Lord_Wyrme: You three are the clan three stooges
[13:12] QuantumLlama: I believe they have enough to make 4 stooges.
[13:12] Gregonzola: This night, you shall be visited by three stooges.
[13:12] Gun_Mage: hey quantum
[13:12] xTyrx: waiiit what type of restrictions does it have?
[13:12] QuantumLlama: (Don't know who we're talking about. Just got here.)
[13:12] xTyrx checks the trendy
[13:13] Gun_Mage: eddo says hi meins can be consumed
[13:13] Gregonzola: Quantum, Gun Mage, Tyre and Viral Effigy are the clan three stooges according to Wyrme.
[13:13] Calvsie dramatically dances into the room
[13:13] Lord_Wyrme: VE is moe, Tyr is Larry and GM is curly
[13:13] Gun_Mage: but Im skinny and not bald.....
[13:14] QuantumLlama: Oh. DEFINITELY enough for four. >: )
[13:14] Big Daddy Grimm: but there are four of them listed...
[13:14] Viral_Effigy: someone has to be Shemp
[13:14] Viral_Effigy: LW, you're Shemp
[13:14] Calvsie: I can shemp
[13:14] Gun_Mage: early shemp??? or late shemp?
[13:14] QuantumLlama: Maybe we can be Danny, Donny, Joe, John, and Jordan.
[13:14] Lord_Wyrme: Nope cal is curly and GM is sheep