Crap Pooch Says

[10:47] Everybody: I think I would like cake more if I ate it with my dong than with my tongue.  
[11:35] Everybody: Take your pills with urine. Then you won't care about the taste of the pills. -hic-  
[13:35] Everybody: This is entirely a metaphor for anal fisting.  
[13:56] Everybody: Toilet barbie is kind of kinky.  
[14:26] Everybody: In which case, congratulations on the purchase of your frankencock.
[14:27] Everybody: I was thinking "Frankenweenie", which I think was the title of Bobbit's porno?  
[10:47] Everybody: FISTING -hic-
[10:41] Everybody: It's times like this that I wish I had a 12 inch tongue with a hollow tube in the middle of it.
[10:41] Everybody: Makes up for not being able to swing a hammer. 
[08:24] Everybody: Kielbasa pneumonia?
[08:25] Everybody: Shoving a sausage so far down your throat that it gets in your lungs.  
[09:36] Everybody: Man. If everyone in /newbie announced everytime they jerked it, the mods would be really busy.  
[13:48] Everybody: Life ain't perfect. Grab your ankles.  
[10:27] Everybody: Dick damage draws all types.
[10:28] Everybody: Also, "Dick Damage" is now Mantz's porn star name.  
[20:03] Everybody: If you're going to be a motherfucking princess, you better dress like one!
[20:24] Everybody: OMg. I blew into the laptop fan to try to clean it, and it was like a dust elemental tried to throatfuck me.
Everybody: You look at a Lincoln log, they look like they've got convenient spaces carved out in them.. like to use as a Barbie teeter-totter.
[09:18] Everybody: Man. The only sex toy in this house is the floppy purple dick. And me. Maybe I need to fix that. -hic-
[08:29] Everybody: Also "enterococcus". That's exactly how I like to be addressed on a Sunday morning.
[09:59] Everybody: If she's vain, put it in her butt.
[11:48] Everybody: Yup. Let's just agree that it'd be more dangerous to try to fuck a giant squid than an ape.
[07:43] Everybody: Haha. The flies are angry because I stole their poopfeast.
[09:33] Everybody: Bring a rubber wakizashi and give her the "daisho" treatment.
[10:37] Everybody hates on the tooth fairy. Bitch is hoarding all the stem cells.
[10:17] Everybody: Can I make the piggies wear little Havi masks and do them in front of a mirror?
[13:07] Everybody: ONE SAC TO RULE THEM ALL
[16:41] MafOOsalah: Divorce is cheap. It costs one bullet and a septic tank.
[16:43] MafOOsalah: Why don't they make spiked condoms? Jeez.
[12:36] MafOOsalah: Omg, I want a fucking cookies.
[21:00] zweitracht: I stand alone on this one.
[21:00] zweitracht: Like an erect penis on a mountaintop.
Everybody: Could you, would you with some sluts? Could you, would you in their butts?
[14:00] Everybody: Consensual activity between a man and an adult woman dressed up as a pony...
[14:00] Everybody: happens behind closed barn doors.
[14:01] Everybody: "Were you born in a barn, kid?" "No, I was conceived there."
[11:11] Everybody: Your hair needs levitra.
[14:02] Everybody: There are no scrotum-coloured budgies!
[09:37] Everybody: Vodka and poontang!
[09:55] Everybody: TEABAG THE WHOLE VILLAGE
[09:55] Everybody: It takes a village, Oprah. A village getting teabagged.
[11:30] Everybody: Also, when are 'Aztec Ren Faires' going to become popular so I can run a snack stand called 'Pretzelcoatl'?
[14:37] Everybody: Surely there's something in the pharmacy you can grind up and snort.
[09:13] Everybody: RNG: Now, with extra cunt.
[13:01] Everybody: Might as well teach him to masturbate with a fish scaler.
[11:10] Everybody: Shitweasels.
[13:38] Everybody: I tell /newb about my enormous penis at every opportunity, but none of them are biting. Thankfully.
[14:51] Everybody: It's not really blowing. He can hold still and I'll do the work.
Everybody:  Bring me the cock of His Infernal Majesty.
[14:16] Everybody: So I bought this tea called "organic throat coat."
[08:52] Everybody: What about the special pickles that were marinated in a mixture of lime and Hillary Clinton's vaginal juices?
[09:29] Everybody: Huh. I think this slinky would fit my penis nicely if I tried.
[09:32] Everybody: I should probably try a plastic one before I go with metal.
 Everybody: Origasmi. The ancient art of genital-folding.
[14:27] Everybody: My work place environment DOES include all-you-can-eat porn buffet.